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Sorin:
I really don't know where to begin. I'm just really struggling with sin, with my beliefs, with my health, with everything.
I struggle just to continue to live. I mean I want to live, and lead a good, clean, and sober life. But I just don't see much of a future
for me. I've prayed to God to help me, to help me to change, and to forgive me, but it feels like all my prayers are in vain.
Because I just go back to doing the things I've tried not doing. It's like I have a double mind, and I believe Joe made a thread about
that before.

I feel like a hypocrite even being here, because while my intentions in returning to this site were sincere; I stumbled, and fell into sin yet again. That's why I want to come clean, and ask for your prayers. Because I don't want to be a hypocrite,  and I do need some help.

It's not so much a matter of whether or not I believe in God, it's more a matter of me believing that I am of any importance to God.
I know Jesus died for the sins of the world, yet I find it hard to include myself in it. It just feels like I am excluded because I've screwed
up too many times to be forgiven. Or perhaps, I am accursed of God and that's why things are going so badly for me. And it's not like I am innocent or anything, so it's possible I suppose. But then why me, and not others who are even worse sinners, like child molesters, murderers, etc... ? And I know that if you break one part of God's law you are guilty of all, so technically there are no worse sinners than me, or I am no better than a child rapist, serial killer, etc...
But that still doesn't explain why things are going so badly for me, and not for others.

I mean there are people who blaspheme Christ with the passion, and curse God and they lead better lives than me who doesn't curse God but struggles with sin. And I know that Jesus' disciples aren't promised glamorous lives here on earth, but there are many followers of Christ, and I mean people who are 'real followers of Christ', whose lives are much better than mine. I mean people who really picked up their crosses and followed Him, and didn't stumble along the way. Not saying I have a problem with people having good lives, just saying that it appears people who blaspheme God have good lives here on earth, and people who follow Christ have good lives, or at least some. So, where do I fit in?

Isn't God in control of all things? In control of our lives? And all things in our lives? So then, He is punishing me, because He is definitely
not blessing me. I just hope He is not cursing me, because I hope things will get better...

Thanks for reading, and for praying {in advance}

-Sorin

Robin:
You are in my prayers Sorin.

It's hard to see the blessings when we are stuck in the mud and the mire. I can see them now in hindsight though. The things I used to see as curses I now see as blessings.

Psalm 69:13-15

13 But I pray to you, O LORD,
       in the time of your favor;
       in your great love, O God,
       answer me with your sure salvation.

 14 Rescue me from the mire,
       do not let me sink;
       deliver me from those who hate me,
       from the deep waters.

 15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
       or the depths swallow me up
       or the pit close its mouth over me.


Psalm 40:1-3
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.
 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.

 3 He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
       Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in the LORD.

Deborah-Leigh:
Hello Sorin

What you describe I can  also relate to. No one wins against the struggle until God delivers. It is in His Power and time and purpose and plan that He will deliver all from the bondage of sin and until then, He is teaching us obedience, humility, surrender, trust, patience and endurance.

Regarding seeing others and comparing your self. I do not believe you need not do that. You have a purpose and God has a plan for you and He is teaching you by direct experience what it feels like to be weak, to fail and to fall. Many do such things and do not even know it. Connecting to the pain and reality of such experiences has its value I believe. Who knows, God may be preparing you to be of use to others who are going through what you are feeling at some future date where you will need to recall the pain and suffering in order to empathise with others.

Psalms 37:1 Fret not yourself because of evildoers, neither be envious against those who work unrighteousness. 2. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and  wither as the green herb.3 Trust, lean on, rely on, and be confident I the Lord and do good…..

God is in control of everything.  Gods ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts so what you think is not what God thinks and what  you believe is not the way things are. Gods ways are that through trials and tribulation we must enter His Kingdom.

I’d say you are right on track. God knows exactly where you are, how you feel and what you think before you even think it!

It is God who is in control who will cause you to change your mind, your heart and your understanding in the moment, time and circumstances He has individually purposed for you as He has done for us all. 

Peace be to you

Arcturus :)

Dennis Vogel:

--- Quote ---I've prayed to God to help me, to help me to change, and to forgive me, but it feels like all my prayers are in vain.
--- End quote ---

Sorin, you mean?


--- Quote ---Rom 7:15  For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
--- End quote ---

Believe me, you are not the only sinner on this forum. We all struggle.

Quit trying to do will yourself into submission. That too is vanity and cannot be done. God is still showing you what you really are, and it will probably take many more years.

Many years ago someone taught me that my thoughts are not mine alone. When a bad thought pops into your head, just say to yourself "that's not my thought." Works for me.

I also learned to look at any sin as though I was a third person. So, when you sin, simply step back and look at it as if you are an interested party.

Hang in there.



Dennis

rk12201960:
Hi Sorin,
You;re learning. No one on their own has the power or will to do whats right.
satan is allowed to use others to misguide you, just because some have a better life than others doesn't mean that God favors then over us. Think about it, if the understanding of the satan church is correct that we can EARN  our salvation that makes God a liar. You have to work out your salvation and I see that going on now.
You are where you need to be, understanding and applying is both gifts from God and not from us.

Also if of the church of satan is correct than he really must have hated Jesus.
You are learning in Gods speed not yours or ours.
Keep'em flying, God knows where you are.

Randy

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