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Author Topic: Senior Moments  (Read 3086 times)

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Craig

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  • There are two kinds of cops.The quick and the dead
Senior Moments
« on: December 06, 2007, 11:53:02 AM »

> For all those "senior moments"......
>
> Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
> Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel,
> did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"  Mabel answered,
> "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said,
> "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing
> aid is."

> An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
> standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came
> up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
> couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
> promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three
> weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read:
> "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the
> ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her rear was an
> oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . . please advise."  The old
> man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
>
> A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
> At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
> when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They
> hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is
> actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again,
> a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again
> carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the
> husband cries out: "Watch that wall!"
>
> When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
> sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said,
> "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every
> morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
> and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She
> said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
> and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are
> you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine
> and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said,
> "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember
> where I live!"
>
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
> they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their
> activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
> One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
> said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
> time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but
> I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."  Her friend
> glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at
> her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"


> THE SENILITY PRAYER
>
> Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
> the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to
> tell the difference.
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cjwood

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Re: Senior Moments
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 04:04:09 AM »

thanks for the happy laughter. i especially loved the last 2.

claudia
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SandyFla

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Re: Senior Moments
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2007, 11:30:06 PM »

I loved the 1st one. That's a keeper!  :D

Sandy
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