I am going to tell on YOU!

[Deborah-Leigh]

I do not have the word "hell" as part of my vocabulary but last night I said to my husband "This is HELL!" I did not say it once only either!

I suffered the most terrible eye pain and had the relief to describe it  to my attentive husband. It was like my eyeballs had turned into tiny little rose thorns then they turned into one big thorn. There was such pain as this became an experience of acid in my eyes then a gritty scratching feeling as if my eyes had become grains of sand then stones. My eyes rolled back in a desperate attempt to find relief and found only little but not enough as I called to Jesus and struggled to comprehend this agony. Finally I realised I could not understand it. I begged Jesus to show me the purpose. Over and over I called to understand as the pain escalated and threw me back to memories of sweetness as my husband tried to encourage me to relax. L

I do not like to take medicines and the chemical pain relievers and anti inflammatory we have in the house is extremely strong. By this time I could not open my eyes to see. My husband fetched the pills. They take effect in a few minutes and as the pain began to come in waves I started to feel as if a Bunsen burner was aimed at my face. A wet towel became the scratching pad of relief to the skin on my face as my eyes burned into unrecognisable spheres in my head that I could swear were now thorns, stones, acid, grit and all changing one after the other.

Eventually I called for Mercy from Jesus. I said is this what you felt? The thought came to me...No...That He is not unacquainted with our weaknesses, failures and liability to temptation. I cried out okay...forgive me...I have no clue why this is happening to me or the purpose for this agony. I realise I do not have a clue that I in the company of this pain, know NOTHING. I understand NOTHING.

I know we suffer to be humbled but try getting upside of raw pain and find out how much you understand and know. It is NOTHING! I understood this much, confessed it and then felt the thud in the base of my skull as the medicine kicked in like a bomb going off in my brain. This caused a physical weakening but still the pain had not come down not even one notch!

I asked Jesus to have Mercy. To take the pain away. You know what came to my mind! NO! I will not release this pain for you have to enter into the Kingdom of God through trials and tribulations.

How can you argue that!? That was some consolation but the pain and weakness and agony and bomb in my brain were no better. Please Lord let me just sleep. I need to sleep. PLEASE! I desperation I said to Jesus then "I am going to tell on you! I am going to tell on you to the world through the Forum!"  That statement as much amazed me as telling my husband "This is HELL!" There was a complete silence void after I spoke that thought to Jesus. I again asked for mercy to at least sleep!

I asked for endurance and was informed that my help was provided through my precious husband who had taken a sleeping pill because he has not been able to sleep for the last few days and even so, he was there helping me out with such kind attentiveness. He told me to place my hands on his shoulders as he led me to the bathroom. What an experience!

After asking Jesus to grant me sleep I felt that He conceded not because I asked but because it was the plan anyway and not before the thought that some relief would be granted but not all relief and that tomorrow the pain would be there again.

So today I have spent on my couch, curtains drawn, eyes closed in a 5-7 out of ten pain tolerance level.

This is the second attack I have experienced in two weeks. The amazing thing is that I would NEVER have posted such drama on the Forum EVER but I did say to Jesus " I am going to tell on YOU!" ...so here it is....

It is so strange also that our brother  Joe has recently posted God is Hell?

You know, all the posts I have put here are actually not from any wisdom I have or any thing I can offer to anyone brothers and sisters. I  know that!  NO ONE can tell me otherwise. Last night I stood side by side next to pain and Jesus was there.

To day I feel much better. Eyes still sore though but much better.

I am grateful for my precious husband and the many many blessings in my life given to me through Christ. I am grateful to you all too....that I have a place to share this strange story that caused quiet void silence in my heart as I told Jesus last night " I am going to tell on YOU!" There in was my error, assumption and arrogance made visible....

I also should tell you that the reaction to my eyes I believe has been triggered by possibly the spices I use to mix to produce the various recipies for my meat products that I could now be alergic to...Of course I shall now take the necessary precautions....

Peace to you

Arcturus

[Kat]

Hi Arcturus,

Sorry to hear about the eye problem.  I hope it was the spices, because now you can prevent it from happening again. 
It's really something that you can make a day of a painful eye problem, into an interesting story 

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[gmik]

Dear Arc, I do hope its just spices.  I agree w/ Kat.  You can sure write a good story!!!.... GOD IS GOOD!!!

Feel better sis!!
love,
g

[Matt]

Arcturus,
   I am glad you are doing better!
Recently, I had a bought with an agonizing stomach problem.  I called out to Jesus too.
I begged for relief from the pain, I tried to bargain with God, anything to make it go away! 
Immediately, I realized that I did not appreciate the good health and relatively "painless" life I live everyday. 
I think God was reminding me of how blessed I am, and it IS all because of him!

Matt

[brandon h]

Arcturus-

Thanx for posting-but you know what? I've had that same kind of pain-just as you described it..in the eye. I've asked my allergist if it is allergy bumps on the eyelids, maybe? I don't know, but in the past year it's happened twice, and it's one of the most agonizing pains I've ever felt in my life. Both times it impaired my vision for a few days even after the pain was gone. Both times I spent all day asking God to take it away, why is this happening, etc. You posting this feels like God is confirming something. What? I have no idea. But Matthew has a very good point. I am thankful that I am healthy most of the time for now!

God Bless

[GODSown1]

wow! Arcturus,
                   I actually agree with Kat & Matt  , I also hope it is da Spices so U do know wot 2 do 2 avoid dis Ever happening again, I Pray! our FATHER brings Revelation & may HE bring U GODly soothing sister & gives U much comfort & I also Pray! HE brings much Blessings 2 ur Orsum! Husband, probably da Best eva Blessings he shall receive would b 4 U 2 Never get dis terrible Pain eva again. And 2 wot Matt said, Yep! 1 must! remember da majority of our living is Pain Free! Thank GOD  , But! in saying dis I mus say I speak 4 myself. GOD Bless U Arc get well very soon...
                    muchLOVE!! Pera

ps. wot strength U do hav Arcturus 2 even consider even writing dis here Thread, Thank YOU FATHER

[cjwood]

i can indeed sympathize and empathize with you arcturus. i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 10 yrs ago. chronic pain/fatigue,etc,etc, but never experienced the sudden disabling pain you experienced with your eyes. our precious eyes. your story reminds me to remain thankful, even, and especially for my eyes.  other chronic nerve/spine probs i deal with on a daily basis are my constant reminder that pain in our flesh is one of the quickest ways to "drag" us through God's fire of gehenna hell.  one time when i had stopped taking a very strong anticonvulsant med (actually i ran out of the script and opted not to refill it, not aware of the major complications from "stopping cold turkey" from this particular med.) anyway, i woke up one morning after not having taken the med for about 2 days and i thought my brain and body were trying to go into a seizure.  everything was warped in slow motion, especially surfaces like the floor and the kitchen counter top. to make a long story short, i was so scared i just started talking outloud to God asking Him for mercy and i kept calling Jesus by name and asked him to help me.  i have never been that afraid before, even through all the physical trials and tribs in my past. God brought me through it.  had to experience it but He brought me out the other side intact.  you are so blessed arc to have a husband who cherishes you so much that he takes care of you the way he did.  in my most fearful time mentioned above, my husband's statement when i told him i needed to go to the emergency room was "can't you just call your doctor or the pharmacy because he didn't want to have to pay $$$ at the hospital ER.  i told him without any misunderstanding that i was hallucinating and that if he wouldn't take me to the ER i would call my daughter to come do it.  your story was another way God is showing me that my husband has never cherished me the way a husband is supposed to cherish his wife. i am so very happy you found a wonderful man arc, after the heartache you had to endure earlier in your life.  i am grateful that God works through each of us to help each other find hope in these days.

claudia

[Deborah-Leigh]

My eyes are SO much better today. NO pain! I really do think the spices were the trigger Kat!

I have to agree with you Claudia where you observe quote : ...that pain in our flesh is one of the quickest ways to "drag" us through God's fire of Gehenna hell.   The experience I went through actually exposed my deepest errors to assume that what I was going through was what Christ had suffered which is NOT even a scratch on the level of pain our precious Lord endured and conquered. I see now the blatant assumption and arrogance of such a thought!

I did not conquer my pain. Instead I threatened our Lord by saying I would tell on Him, meaning that His methods  of His consuming fire were improper for my  holier than thou sentiments.  How dare I believe that my pains and trials were and are anything like what our Lamb of God went through! What audacity in me!

This pain exposed this for me to see it exposed via the sheering fire of God's holy fire. If this shows anything then it is truly that God's discipline is NOT comfortable but His Blessing IS!

The liberty of pain freedom (physical or emotional) as noted by Matthew and brandon h, IS from Him purchased at HIS cost I believe brothers. Now I really might appear as if I am riding on a high horse but I am not because I tell you this so you see that we and I are/am actually a wretch of precious worth only because of HIM and the Person, Spirit, Lamb that HE IS. What a gift HE IS to us all brothers and sisters.

Matthew, I believe ANY pain is still PAIN no matter where it surfaces in our body. Perhaps our Lord is showing me something through the pain being in my eyes? I am grateful for the relief!   I have been given to see a few things of reality concerning my place and status as a mortal yet carnal work of HIS through this experience! I knew it was of HIM and to HIM I directed my commentry when going through the agony that showed up the errors in my thinking! There are NON like Christ. NON! We carry our cross but HIS was the ultimate unmatched cross of suffering.  We can follow but never match it.

Perhaps next time I am to be dragged through the fire which I definitely believe it was Claudia, I might remember this and it will be some solstice and comfort perhaps. I hope I have learned something! Not that I want to be tested again!  God will decide when and where to test and purify me.  HE knows what I can endure and only He can sustain and make stand. What a blessing to see this now!

G. it is wonderful to see you in this thread. Hope all is well with the twins!

Pera it is wonderful to also see you here in this thread. I so enjoyed your recent testimony you have posted in the Forum.

I thank the Lord for you all.

Peace in fellowship

Arcturus

[sonofone]

Hate to go off topic Arcturus,but you really do have a future as a writer. Do you have any aspiration for this?

[Deborah-Leigh]

  Hi sonofone.

I hope to be like my teacher and follow his example. He says the following that freely he has received so freely he gives. I would like to follow such noble steps as belonging to Ray Smith actually.

Just as a side line though, I did write a book once and a musical score was produced to back some of my writing and made into a CD. Neither were published. The book was rejected for which I THANK GOD.  It would have been the source of much embarrassment if it had been published because it was written before my eyes were opened! So much for getting the wrong side of the stick! I hope to remain faithful now

My God given and God provided place of writing will be here for which I am grateful to have the outlet to share, fellowship and learn. The kingdom is among us

This brings to mind the Words of Jesus John 14:30 ...for the prince, evil genius, ruler of the world is coming. And he has NO CLAIM ON ME, He has nothing in common with Me; there is nothing in Me that belongs to him, and he has no power over Me. 31 But Satan is coming and I do as the Father has commanded Me, so that the world may know be convinced that I love the Father and that I do only what the Father has instructed Me to do. I act in full agreement with His orders. Rise, LET US GO AWAY FROM HERE. ( Let us continue to GO AWAY from the world and it's lures, temptations to physical kingdoms of apparent glory....)

I desire to stand in this light like and as our Teacher Ray does, and to also have nothing for which the world would pay me. Therein is the light in which I see Ray's example to us all! What a PRECIOUS example.

Thank you all for your fellowship and kind thoughts and words you too have shared. You do not have to be a great author or orator to speak without hypocrisy. A roofer can do it....I believe and feel too that you all too,  have spoken to me without hypocrisy....by Grace through His Faith, so enabled to continue to come away from the world with faith abiding, Christ choosing and Loves blessing!

Peace be to you

Arcturus

[sonofone]

Well I encourage you to write often,as you definitely have been given a gift. I enjoy reading your post and I am sure most do as well. I believe the bible says to give honor where honor is due. So I'm just recognizing what appears to me to be a beautiful gift.God Bless

[Deborah-Leigh]

I agree sonofone, it is certainly a most beautiful gift and experience for me especially,  from our most beautiful Creator Jesus Christ the author and finisher of our faith. 

Thank you for your kind words.

Peace be to you

Arcturus

[indianabob]

Dear Deborah,

Thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm sure it was difficult, but I also noted that truth is stranger than fiction regardless of good motives of someone wanting to explain how God works with us.  Your experience was just too real to be doubted for even a second.  I could almost feel the pain in myself. 

I will pray for your relief from pain and thank God for your husband.  What a blessing he is.

Love and hugs, Bob

[Deborah-Leigh]

Dear Bob

Thank you for your response. In deed, I believe no one could have wanted a more loving and attentive person to be at their side through such pain as my husband was. He too has suffered much pain not from the eye condition that I was briefly but intensely suffering, but the loss of a son who died in his infancy many years ago. We now have a lovely son named Byron who turns eleven this Jan.

I notice you have, is it recently, had a birthday perhaps? If so, happy birthday my dear friend and brother.

The eye pain did return again two nights ago. This time I took the medication before it reached the raging heights of agony that I wrote about earlier. I also noticed that remembering that Jesus had suffered FAR worse, and has overcome, seemed to sooth my soul Perhaps I have learnt my lesson and been corrected by Gods consuming fire for my erroneous earlier thoughts and assumptions that place me on a pedestal

My staff also experienced some eye pain and now we think it is the vinegar that has been the trigger.
I notice you have Chemical expertise, and perhaps you might see or know that the fumes of potent concentrated vinegar could be the reason why our eyes have been upset. Like onions I guess!

Anyway, happily all is now well this morning and there is no pain. What a blessing!

Peace to you

Arcturus

[indianabob]

Dear Deborah,

I'm not sure that I have any helpful advice about your reaction to vinegar but you can access the following site for details of the effects of concentrated acetic acid.

http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/npg/npgd0002.html

Household vinegar is a product of alcohol fermentation and is usually diluted with pure water to a concentration of 5% acetic acid and 95% water.  Even that concentration could be hazardous to your eyes, but usually not unless it is splashed directly into the face.  The eyes, throat, lungs and teeth are target organs for injury.

The vinegar you are using in food preparation may be more concentrated.
Acetic acid may be purchased for commercial use at concentrations of 99%, but you should check the label of your containers to determine the concentrations of the product you are using.
In case of exposure, flushing the eyes with tepid (35 degrees C.) water for up to 15 minutes is recommended.
In case of injury, avoid the possibility of re-exposure for several weeks.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Thank you Bob.

I used a wet towel over my eyes to sooth the burning and blew Ozone onto my face. I also discovered bathing in salt water helped cleanse and relieved the symptoms very much!

Today I am pain free and very happy that this horrible experience came to pass and has passed leaving me with the lessons and insights it richly brought to me to learn!

Peace to you

Arcturus