Dear Ray,
Thank you for all of the hard work you've put into sharing the truth, it has bought me peace and opened my eyes to many different things. The problem is that I feel, and am, so very carnal. How is it that I can fully accept some truths and not others? For instance, I can see that mankind has no free-will, that there is no fabled place called hell, that many are called but few chosen etc. and yet I struggle to understand the old testament. It offends me, Ray. I read parts of it and (I know that it is a carnal reaction) feel angry or bitter about it.
It isn't just my understanding that's carnal either, it's my whole life! I can't pray as I should, don't think or act as I should either. I used to think that back during my 'church' days, I was living a pretty decent ('righteous') life because I didn't sin that much. I look back now and see that I was as carnal as anyone who's ever lived. I'm at a standstill. How can God be at work in me when all I see is carnality? I can't seem to take anymore teaching, I skim-read things and berate myself for not studying dilligently. I'm raising two boys by myself and I don't have a single person with whom I can talk to face to face about these things; it's very lonely. Some days I find myself just longing for the sons of God to be made manifest so that I can finally learn righteousness. I honestly feel as if that's the only way I'll ever learn it.
Is this completely insane? I just don't know what to do next. I have my two boys to take care of and make plans for the best that I know how, time is an issue when it comes to studying (just so tired at the end of the day!). It's tempting to quit thinking about any of this all together as it's causing me a lot of distress.
Any advice you can give me would be great, Ray. Even if it's just to say that this isn't a completely abnormal state to be in.
Kind regards,
Gill
Dear Gill:
I can understand your situation and your pain. I get many such emails. Most are so embarrassed that they insist that I keep their email private. But your situation and your feelings are very common in the world. God intended for you to go through the pain that you are now enduring, and therefore, I cannot give you a remedy to cure all of your ills. Not that you are asking me to do that, but you certainly are seeing some relief and direction in your life.
God has a plan for each of us. Even if God is not calling us as one of the chosen few in this life, He still has a plan for our life. And there is nothing that I can do to change or alter that plan, nor is there anything that you can do differently from what has already been predetermined.
I will encourage you to read the material on our site. If you saw "truth" on our site, and it effected your thinking and your life, then by all means, KEEP READING. Accept the "hand" that God has delt you--I have. I have no desire to change God's plan FOR MY LIFE. And you should have no desire to change what God has planned for you. And right now, God has planned for you to feel miserable and helpless. This should cause you to cry out to God. So.....CRY OUT TO GOD! I personally, cry out to God every single day.
If you are seeking God it is only because GOD IS SEEKING YOU. Stay with it; stay the course, keep the faith, do not become weary in well-doing. God will eventually have the victory in your life.
God be with you,
Ray
