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I feel Lost and alone

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carol v:
Decas,

I came to the forum this morning for the same reason -- fellowship because I am also feeling as you. You sound much younger.

I have a wonderful, hard-working, kind and loving man who wants to marry me. We have been together for 8 years -- 5 of those before the Lord dragged me to Ray's site. Since then it's been one conflicted conversation after another about spiritual matters. Sometimes he takes a step forward but then he takes three steps back. I too left the church we attended together. Left the choir as well.

Recently he went to the Yale University website to study the religious courses there. That started another round of heated discussions that made me realize that it just doesn't seem to be God's plan for us to be together. I have to break up with this wonderful man because he's a Presbyterian and wants to study the letter, not the spirit, from people who talk about what the "writers" of the Bible meant, not God. The man in my life is just blind as a bat and that's God's current plan for him.

My mother and father were Presbyterians. They just wouldn't get this. I'm over 50 and hard-working, kind men aren't a dime a dozen. But I'm not at peace. I know I can't marry him so I've left him in limbo and basically lied over and over again to keep the relationship going. All the harder because I live in a town where I am the only "peculiar" person I know. He is basically my very, very best and only friend. Without him I have no life -- no life in the flesh, I understand. I could have a heart attack tomorrow though and without him, I would have no visitors. (Well, I have my 3 boys.)

It's just so ironic that I have to break up with this man because he IS a Sunday school teaching, choir singing, sincere Presbyterian. Most people would see this as an asset. And he loves me very, very much. This will hurt him deeply. I haven't found many people who are sincere, kind and love me deeply in my life. Zero except this man. The irony is painful.

Well, I live in a house of independent minded, rebellious Egyptian teenager boys who act just like I did. I love them to pieces but they have a long road ahead. I came to God's truth too late to raise them with a rod, or staff or even a foundation in the Word. They just roll their eyes at me. Teenage boys -- love em or kill em...can't decide...

So that's longer than I meant to go on. Today is the day the man in my life told me that he wants out of limbo. He wants to know an answer. I still haven't been able to bring myself to finalize what I know I must do. I'm just devasted and can't get myself to say the words...

You and I, Decas, seem to be about to learn the true meaning of picking up the cross and following Christ leaving behind father, mother, brother, sister and the men in our lives.

God be with you,
carol v

gmik:
Oh Carol I am just weeping for you.  Here is the reality of Life.  I am so sorry for you.  And yes the irony of it all.  He sounds like a good catch in the eyes of the world and the "church".

I have 4 friends who are all over 50 and are divorced.  And boy they are not looking either!  I mentioned one on another thread a few minutes ago. Marriage isn't all its cracked up to be is their mantra!

I hurt when I think of the pain he will have but he will get over it. I really respect and admire your oneness of commitment to our Saviour. We don't know God's plan for him but God loves him too.

I will be thinking about you and Decas.  May God Bless you both.

Kat:

Hi Carol,

I too I'm sad to hear your story and the heart break you are experiencing.  But as you know, The Lord is smiling down on you. 
I pray you and Decas will be comforted. 

You should come hear and fellowship with us more.  I feel like this is my family too, even though we don't visit in person I feel very close to many here.  We get to fellowship and learn the Truth at the same time.  That's like killing 2 birds with one stone (that saying looks odd when I type it out).

mercy, peace and love
Kat

Deborah-Leigh:
Hello Carol and Decas

I have not posted anything here until now and that is not because I was not reading and feeling your pain. My sister met the "man of her dreams" only to discover he is a Free Mason! Well! That did not go very well especially as she is being influenced  directly via the Baptist Church.

When I met my husband to be, the Church would not marry us as he was already divorced from a previous marriage where his son had died due to an incurable disease, and the family disintegrated around this tragic loss. I met him. Fell in love with him and had to choose between my Church and the man of my dreams. The man won.

Our differences are still in place. He is the man and I am the woman. He has no problem with my beliefs and I, (I like to believe ) that I too, do not have any problem with where Christ is leading him either. It was not always like that. Women can be controlling because of our physical insecurities I think. Male control freaks are worse than women because they have no excuse!  ;D

While this might at first Glance seem to be written tongue in cheek, I have to admit that I do not know what it is like to have the religious conflicts that you have and I believe if my husband were a Moslem and was trying to force down his beliefs on me, I would have a problem with that. I think if I were trying to stand toe to toe with my husband in what I believe, I think he would encounter some strain too!

I guess the question is are you willing to live with a blind man. Some of us already are, and we are doing fine relatively speaking I think. I guess if the blind man is trying to drown you, then that is the cut off point I guess but I'd try to swim to shore if my husband were blind and I was his anchor. Love and tolerance, humility and patience walk hand in hand.

It was brought to my attention the following quote : Remember always as we attempt to enlighten those whom God is calling, that we are NO BETTER than those whose doctrines we condemn. God loves and DIED for these heretics of the modern Church. They are precious to God—and they had better be PRECIOUS TO US, or we too will receive a great condemnation for feeling anything but LOVE TOWARD THEM! They may be, in fact, our enemies, but Christ instructs us to: "…LOVE YOUR ENEMIES"!! [Ray Smith]

I know this does not say you have to MARRY your enemy but it is just how you write about these men in your lives. They do not seem to me that you see them as your enemies?

Peace to you

Arcturus :)

Deborah-Leigh:
PS For those who do not already know. I have publically, officially and formally taken the vowes of Marriage to my husband. I do not recommend intimacy outside of marriage either.  Neither does God.  ;)

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