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[decas247]

Hi

i need some prayer and advise my partner of present is heavily into the church (Christ embassy) and is wanting us to get married, but because of my past which i am sure some of you have read already he is blaming my past for the reasons i don't go to church and also because of my views on church which was reveled to me through bible truths, he is also saying he will speak to my parents about this but yet he cannot tell his mum, pastor or others that i don't attend church, tell me please what should i do, i know i have done wrong already by living together with him, since December, and now i feel like i want to run away, as even though i try to tell him some of the truths of god like we should not buy or sell in the house of God he says it applies only to doves and money changers of that time.

he has been going to church on his own, but when i attended with him a couple of times as usual, my spirit was not at peace with his church as the are so much into speaking in tongues, tithing etc,  so i don't go to church with him anymore, it funny, when i first went everyone would speak to me and call me to see how i was and to see if i was coming to church, but now they don't want to know me because i don't attend their church, they only now visit and call my partner and ask of me and say hello to me through him (which i feel is out of politeness, not because they really care), this does not make me feel Great at all and all this is happening and we are not even married yet?

Please advise my brothers and sisters as you are the only ones who understand me.

God Bless U 

[Kat]

Hi Decas,

Well I think you already know what you should do, hasn't that little voice been speaking to you.  Here are somethings you said; now i feel like i want to run away,  and  my spirit was not at peace with his church,  and  this does not make me feel Great. These feeling that you are having should not be ignored. 
You can see that this situation is already not good.  So why would you ever think of getting married to him?  It is not wrong to marry someone who does not have the same understanding of the Truth as you do, if you can live together in peace.  I do not see that in your case. 
I can see that the Spirit is speaking to your heart, just listen to IT.
You are in my prayers 

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[Grateful]

Good Morning, Decas!

I too once felt extremly lonely, until one day God intervened and let me know in a very unmistakable way that I am NEVER alone, not even for the tiniest fraction of a nanosecond!  Hallelujah!!! 

Also, I have learned that following my heart's  nudgings has been very accurate over my whole life.   There is a saying :   "Take a lesson from a pin :   its head keeps it from going too far."  So, listening to my heart FIRST, and then applying the lesson of a pin's head, yields good results.

Applying Psalm 16:11 is a very happy Experience for ANYone.  So also is Isaiah 26:3.   Between these two Scriptural passages lies Peace, TRUE Peace.....!   

God BLESS you RICHLY today, and forever!!

Linda

[LadyRanae]

Good Morning Decas,
I totally agree with what the others have already mentioned in the above posts.

A friend once told me to follow after peace. If there is no peace in your relationship now...why would it "magically" change just because you have gotten married? That is why it is always important to "work out your own salvation with fear and tembling." We cannot change anyone else, only God can work on us.

My husband and I have been separated for almost 3 years (May '05). We were together for 10 years. One of the things I learned is, if they do things that you don't like before you get married, they will still do it even after you get married. So we are left with two choices...we can realize we are the one with the problem and pray to God to change us....or
in situations of extreme abuse or disobedience, and where there is no mature conversation, then it would be wise to leave.
Also, it is very difficult to be in an unequal relationship...where you are coming to the Truths presented here and your significant other is still in the church system.
I know God's will shall be done in your life and your life will glorify him AMEN

[gmik]

I will keep you in prayer, but have to agree w/ the other posters.

My best friend has been divorced for about 5 years now.  She was a strong Christian at the time (you all know what I mean in Christendom) and the other night I asked her....WHY did you marry him.  You knew he didn't believe like you?  She said "I dunno.  I thought he would change"  WEll, he changed all right for the worse.  She had to call the law on several occassions and get a restraining order. the misery she endured w/ him.

You know way more in the Lord now, than she did then.

[carol v]

Decas,

I came to the forum this morning for the same reason -- fellowship because I am also feeling as you. You sound much younger.

I have a wonderful, hard-working, kind and loving man who wants to marry me. We have been together for 8 years -- 5 of those before the Lord dragged me to Ray's site. Since then it's been one conflicted conversation after another about spiritual matters. Sometimes he takes a step forward but then he takes three steps back. I too left the church we attended together. Left the choir as well.

Recently he went to the Yale University website to study the religious courses there. That started another round of heated discussions that made me realize that it just doesn't seem to be God's plan for us to be together. I have to break up with this wonderful man because he's a Presbyterian and wants to study the letter, not the spirit, from people who talk about what the "writers" of the Bible meant, not God. The man in my life is just blind as a bat and that's God's current plan for him.

My mother and father were Presbyterians. They just wouldn't get this. I'm over 50 and hard-working, kind men aren't a dime a dozen. But I'm not at peace. I know I can't marry him so I've left him in limbo and basically lied over and over again to keep the relationship going. All the harder because I live in a town where I am the only "peculiar" person I know. He is basically my very, very best and only friend. Without him I have no life -- no life in the flesh, I understand. I could have a heart attack tomorrow though and without him, I would have no visitors. (Well, I have my 3 boys.)

It's just so ironic that I have to break up with this man because he IS a Sunday school teaching, choir singing, sincere Presbyterian. Most people would see this as an asset. And he loves me very, very much. This will hurt him deeply. I haven't found many people who are sincere, kind and love me deeply in my life. Zero except this man. The irony is painful.

Well, I live in a house of independent minded, rebellious Egyptian teenager boys who act just like I did. I love them to pieces but they have a long road ahead. I came to God's truth too late to raise them with a rod, or staff or even a foundation in the Word. They just roll their eyes at me. Teenage boys -- love em or kill em...can't decide...

So that's longer than I meant to go on. Today is the day the man in my life told me that he wants out of limbo. He wants to know an answer. I still haven't been able to bring myself to finalize what I know I must do. I'm just devasted and can't get myself to say the words...

You and I, Decas, seem to be about to learn the true meaning of picking up the cross and following Christ leaving behind father, mother, brother, sister and the men in our lives.

God be with you,
carol v

[gmik]

Oh Carol I am just weeping for you.  Here is the reality of Life.  I am so sorry for you.  And yes the irony of it all.  He sounds like a good catch in the eyes of the world and the "church".

I have 4 friends who are all over 50 and are divorced.  And boy they are not looking either!  I mentioned one on another thread a few minutes ago. Marriage isn't all its cracked up to be is their mantra!

I hurt when I think of the pain he will have but he will get over it. I really respect and admire your oneness of commitment to our Saviour. We don't know God's plan for him but God loves him too.

I will be thinking about you and Decas.  May God Bless you both.

[Kat]

Hi Carol,

I too I'm sad to hear your story and the heart break you are experiencing.  But as you know, The Lord is smiling down on you. 
I pray you and Decas will be comforted. 

You should come hear and fellowship with us more.  I feel like this is my family too, even though we don't visit in person I feel very close to many here.  We get to fellowship and learn the Truth at the same time.  That's like killing 2 birds with one stone (that saying looks odd when I type it out).

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Carol and Decas

I have not posted anything here until now and that is not because I was not reading and feeling your pain. My sister met the "man of her dreams" only to discover he is a Free Mason! Well! That did not go very well especially as she is being influenced  directly via the Baptist Church.

When I met my husband to be, the Church would not marry us as he was already divorced from a previous marriage where his son had died due to an incurable disease, and the family disintegrated around this tragic loss. I met him. Fell in love with him and had to choose between my Church and the man of my dreams. The man won.

Our differences are still in place. He is the man and I am the woman. He has no problem with my beliefs and I, (I like to believe ) that I too, do not have any problem with where Christ is leading him either. It was not always like that. Women can be controlling because of our physical insecurities I think. Male control freaks are worse than women because they have no excuse! 

While this might at first Glance seem to be written tongue in cheek, I have to admit that I do not know what it is like to have the religious conflicts that you have and I believe if my husband were a Moslem and was trying to force down his beliefs on me, I would have a problem with that. I think if I were trying to stand toe to toe with my husband in what I believe, I think he would encounter some strain too!

I guess the question is are you willing to live with a blind man. Some of us already are, and we are doing fine relatively speaking I think. I guess if the blind man is trying to drown you, then that is the cut off point I guess but I'd try to swim to shore if my husband were blind and I was his anchor. Love and tolerance, humility and patience walk hand in hand.

It was brought to my attention the following quote : Remember always as we attempt to enlighten those whom God is calling, that we are NO BETTER than those whose doctrines we condemn. God loves and DIED for these heretics of the modern Church. They are precious to God—and they had better be PRECIOUS TO US, or we too will receive a great condemnation for feeling anything but LOVE TOWARD THEM! They may be, in fact, our enemies, but Christ instructs us to: "…LOVE YOUR ENEMIES"!! [Ray Smith]

I know this does not say you have to MARRY your enemy but it is just how you write about these men in your lives. They do not seem to me that you see them as your enemies?

Peace to you

Arcturus

[Deborah-Leigh]

PS For those who do not already know. I have publically, officially and formally taken the vowes of Marriage to my husband. I do not recommend intimacy outside of marriage either.  Neither does God. 

[carol v]

Thanks for all of your replies. This has been an awful day. Still in limbo although I've told my man I just don't think we can marry. It is so painful. By the way Arcturus, I agree with you and quit being intimate over a year ago. Just another way in which I've kept him in limbo. Your other words also hit home -- I am sure I'm lacking in patience, love, understanding, etc. But I also know that we are supposed to stand up for the truth and be willing to leave everyone and everything for Christ.

I've appreciated the fellowship today. Susan, if you see this, I've lost your phone number and wish you'd give me a call.

carol

[Grateful]

I too have "left all to follow God"....and THAT has made ALL the difference in the world  (remember Robert Frost's poem that goes something like this :   "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...and I stood there long...contemplating which one to take.  I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference" ??)  It's TRUE!!        

Love!

Linda

[ez2u]

Linda  one of my favorite poems  Paul  speaks about this and I will quote it.

1Co 7:26  I suppose, therefore, this to be good because of the present necessity, that it is good for a man that the matter be thus: --
1Co 7:27  Hast thou been bound to a wife? seek not to be loosed; hast thou been loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
1Co 7:28  But and if thou mayest marry, thou didst not sin; and if the virgin may marry, she did not sin; and such shall have tribulation in the flesh: and I spare you.
1Co 7:29  And this I say, brethren, the time henceforth is having been shortened--that both those having wives may be as not having;
1Co 7:30  and those weeping, as not weeping; and those rejoicing, as not rejoicing; and those buying, as not possessing;
1Co 7:31  and those using this world, as not using it up; for passing away is the fashion of this world.
1Co 7:32  And I wish you to be without anxiety; the unmarried is anxious for the things of the Lord, how he shall please the Lord;
1Co 7:33  and the married is anxious for the things of the world, how he shall please the wife.
1Co 7:34  The wife and the virgin have been distinguished: the unmarried is anxious for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit, and the married is anxious for the things of the world, how she shall please the husband.
1Co 7:35  And this for your own profit I say: not that I may cast a noose upon you, but for the seemliness and devotedness to the Lord, undistractedly,

1Co 7:36  and if any one doth think it to be unseemly to his virgin, if she may be beyond the bloom of age, and it ought so to be, what he willeth let him do; he doth not sin--let him marry.
1Co 7:37  And he who hath stood stedfast in the heart--not having necessity--and hath authority over his own will, and this he hath determined in his heart--to keep his own virgin--doth well;
1Co 7:38  so that both he who is giving in marriage doth well, and he who is not giving in marriage doth better.

what I think is being said here is if you are married stay married and live in peace with your spouse.  The time is short if you are single stay single for your attention can be more dirrected on the things of the Lord  and this is better.  peggy

[Dennis Vogel]

I hope no one here thinks that you should never marry an unbeliever. There is nothing wrong with it as long as there is no contention on either side.

I asked Ray to say a few words on this subject and we should have something soon.

Dennis

[carol v]

Thank you very much Dennis for asking Ray. I am very confused by this.

[hebrewroots98]

(Hi everyone, it's good to be around family again.... )

Hi Carol...(It was very nice (and overdue) to talk with you today ...All that I can say is to just be patient in the Lord and wait for the wisdom and the peace that comes with making a decision that is based on HIS WILL so that you do not make a wrong choice!    (BTW, Carol and I live 3 hrs away from each other here in West Texas )...

I guess that I  get confused as to when the word says 'what fellowship does light have with darkness' and to 'not be spiritually unyoked to unbelievers.'  Is this referring to those type of believers who are in christian churches?  I mean, how can there be spiritual unity with a couple where one thinks that the christian church is satans throne and where the other loves it with their whole being?  Either way you are correct Arc, we are to love everyone, regardless of their spiritual beliefs....This is a very delicate situation...I will be praying for both of you Carol and Decas.

[Deborah-Leigh]

I believe that we can be unequally yoked to no one if we are yoked to Christ.

It is the Church that again distorts corrupts and manipulates the meaning of the word of God to divide and rule and ruin marital relationships by through abuse of the scriptures. I remember that His words are not literal they are spirit and they are Truth but the Church would make them literal to suit its own blindness.

I too look forward to reading Ray's teaching on this subject.

Peace to you

Arcturus

[Nancy]

Hi there decas247,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this. I know exactly what you are going through because i sort of went through it.
When i met my husband, i was going to church and was a 'christian' with a very screwed up brain (i subsequently found out that i suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder).
I'd had a bitter distrust of men in general because of my upbringing, then i met Jason who is Jewish.  My head was screaming that i shouldn't be with him, my heart wouldn't let him go.
After a terrible time, aswell as having to cope with my OCD, and seeing various counsellors, i have a happy marriage in which we understand each other perfectly (he suffers with depression) but we never really discuss my faith.
This is really all i can say. I do sympathise with you, life isn't easy. But God knows we are only human and everything is in His hands.  You couldn't do anything against His will anyway, how could you?
I don't feel that i have helped but just giving my experience.
Godbless
Nancy

[Grateful]

Hello, Nancy!

I am so very happy to hear that you have a happy marriage!!!       

I too have suffered from depression (pretty badly, too!!).  Also, I have one tiny OCD.....I can't stand food particles between my front teeth, and floss them several times a day.   HAHAHA!!!   But, seriously though, I have discovered that whenever a thought strikes me to do something at all remotely "iffy", I sit back and think "Do I REALLY want to do this (whatever it happens to be)??"  If the answer is 'NO", I simply CHOOSE NOT to do it, and therefore I DON'T!!!   That simplifies my life in LOTS of ways!!!   Therefore my life feels like a gentle zephyr, with much more EASE than I have ever experienced.....   O,  WHAT a FEELING!!!    HALLELUJAH!!!

Nancy, have a VERY Fair day, and be WELL!!!  God BLESS!!   (definition of 'bless'  =  to make happy, as in "bliss")   

Linda   

[gmik]

Linda, flossing all day, just picturing it....

Just wanted to say I still take my pills for depression/anxiety, but yet to know me or see me you wouldn't know.  I want to ween off them before I retire tho-won't be able to afford em.

I think teaching&menopause has been a big culprit.