Even though Rays site is a very welcome part of my life, I have found that God has seen fit to have given me many of these truths in my past. Not that I discovered them, more so of being in church hearing a sermon and just never really feeling it was true.
As a kid it was more important to my parents that I be in church when the doors were opened than it was for anyone to exibit traits of love that was preached in church. I was beaten severely by my father at the slightest annoyance I would give him. My mom constantly drilled into me that the Devil was in me when I displeased her. But certainly never ever one word that Jesus was in me when I did something good.
Consequently I grew up a prisoner to church as I suppose it was better than going to hell. After a while I didn't even care about hell. I thought if I had to spend eternity with the Christians I was growing up around I think HELL offered a possibly better alternative.
After I moved away from home I spent quite a few years basically feeling God existed but couldn't bring myself to walk into a church. I learned co-dependant behavior growing up and eventually went back into church. In some way, I did meet people in church away from my hometown upbringing that helped me think that not everyone in church was a creep. Yet, I never ever found anything spiritually uplifting in church either, ever, even to this day, nada, nothing.
So I questioned that, I questioned the answer church always gives concerning Free Will and that is there was something I had to figure out on my own in order to "find" God in church. I believe, but am not 100% certain, that this has caused the vast majority of the depression I deal with now. As it being a learned emotional problem, it may take a while to unlearn it now that I have decided to walk away from organized religion for good.
With that said, I also have to make note that if there is a time and purpose to everything then I "MUST" acknowledge that the organized church exists for a purpose. As I contemplate that I see how organized church was actually instrumental in influencing me to accept bible truths such as what Ray has here on this site.
I could never accept that some teenage kid whose biggest crime was growing up in the wrong home at the wrong time, never taken to church that got killed before saying the "sinners prayer" was now in hell forever. I never thought it was "unfair" I thought the idea was completely idiotic for some God with the power to save.
I kept thinking that if someone like that was in hell, I didn't stand a chance just because I spoke some words.
The church I have recently left was most instrumental in getting past the final hump of believing all men are saved and that God works all things, no free will, and affliction is for a purpose. I have a friend who is afflicted with some muscular disorder. Religion has caused him to think he has not been healed due to a lack on his part. As I see my friend struggle with his self worth that was the final straw in believing in free will or that we can do anything "of our own".
I have done what I think God has led me to do to give my friend scripture in that direction, of course God directed all of this and there is no more I can ultimatly do. I pray that God leads me to help all the people I have grown fond of to see these same truths. I have to admit that I feel a bit selfish, but at the same time I really just pray for the honor of God working through me for my friends.
I know God has his ways but I think it would be so cool to also have my friends from church to be of like mind with me (us). That would be such a blessing if it is meant to be.
The direct way I found Ray's site was very interesting. We have a website for our local newspaper and it has a discussion forum. In a certain discussion in the religion section there was an atheist telling a pretty hard core hellfire poster that biblical translations are not 100% perfect and documented the revisions of the KJV alone.
In later postings this hellfire poster trying to prove the atheist wrong discovered Rays site and as a result his life was changed. His religion was flipped upside down, but God kept him studying diligently. This person started threads posting stuff he had learned here.
At the time I was a lurker and read some of Rays stuff after going to his site when this other person posted the link. Initially, like so many others, I rejected it out of hand. I think my rejection was some sort of instinctive reaction because of the indoctrination I had from the church.
Yet to me, PROOF of a verse like Proverbs 16:9 was that I was driven to start reading Rays stuff. A little here, a little there, till now I am at a point where I can't get enough of scripture because what flows off of the pages is God taking me out of the wilderness and showing me his truths.
And to top it all off THIS PATH WAS STARTED BY AN ATHEIST, the people in church that I have mentioned this too just get the deer in the headlights look. It doesn't even seem to register. hahahahaha
I go through so much turmoil and emotion as I ponder these things. As I look at my life, which gererally is pretty good, and see others who are worse off and I want their life to be better but realize that God has us each where we are at for a purpose. I understand the verses that show us that the process of perfection is not emotonally easy nor is it physically comfortable, yet, there can be a calm in the midst of that storm. So much of the bible makes more sense when I know there is nothing that happens that was not a plan of Gods to begin with.
Anyway, I felt like I should just type and let the words flow off and only recheck my post for terrible spelling as I feel this writing is from my heart.