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Author Topic: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths  (Read 4287 times)

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phazel

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Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« on: February 14, 2008, 02:09:17 AM »


Even though Rays site is a very welcome part of my life,  I have found that God has seen fit to have given me many of these truths in my past.  Not that I discovered them, more so of being in church hearing a sermon and just never really feeling it was true.

As a kid it was more important to my parents that I be in church when the doors were opened than it was for anyone to exibit traits of love that was preached in church.  I was beaten severely by my father at the slightest annoyance I would give him.  My mom constantly drilled into me that the Devil was in me when I displeased her.   But certainly never ever one word that Jesus was in me when I did something good.

Consequently I grew up a prisoner to church as I suppose it was better than going to hell.  After a while I didn't even care about hell.  I thought if I had to spend eternity with the Christians I was growing up  around I think HELL offered a possibly better alternative.

After I moved away from home I spent quite a few years basically feeling God existed but couldn't bring myself to walk into a church.  I learned co-dependant behavior growing up and eventually went back into church.   In some way, I did meet people in church away from my hometown upbringing that helped me think that not everyone in church was a creep.  Yet, I never ever found anything spiritually uplifting in church either, ever, even to this day, nada, nothing.

So I questioned that,  I questioned the answer church always gives concerning Free Will and that is there was something I had to figure out on my own in order to "find" God in church.  I believe, but am not 100% certain, that this has caused the vast majority of the depression I deal with now.  As it being a learned emotional problem, it may take a while to unlearn it now that I have decided to walk away from organized religion for good.

With that said, I also have to make note that if there is a time and purpose to everything then I "MUST" acknowledge that the organized church exists for a purpose.  As I contemplate that I see how organized church was actually instrumental in influencing me to accept bible truths such as what Ray has here on this site.

I could never accept that some teenage kid whose biggest crime was growing up in the wrong home at the wrong time, never taken to church that got killed before saying the "sinners prayer" was now in hell forever.  I never thought it was "unfair"  I thought the idea was completely idiotic for some God with the power to save.

I kept thinking that if someone like that was in hell, I didn't stand a chance just because I spoke some words. 

The church I have recently left was most instrumental in getting past the final hump of believing all men are saved and that God works all things, no free will,  and affliction is for a purpose.   I have a friend who is afflicted with some  muscular disorder.  Religion has caused him to think he has not been healed due to a lack on his part.  As I see my friend struggle with his self worth that was the final straw in believing in free will or that we can do anything "of our own".

I have done what I think God has led me to do to give my friend scripture in that direction, of course God directed all of this and there is no more I can ultimatly do.  I pray that God leads me to help all the people I have grown fond of to see these same truths.  I have to admit that I feel a bit selfish, but at the same time I really just pray for the honor of God working through me for my friends. 

I know God has his ways but I think it would be so cool to also have my friends from church to be of like mind with me (us).  That would be such a blessing if it is meant to be.

The direct way I found Ray's site was very interesting.  We have a website for our local newspaper and it has a discussion forum.  In a certain discussion in the religion section there was an atheist telling a pretty hard core hellfire poster that biblical translations are not 100% perfect and documented the revisions of the KJV alone. 

 In later postings this hellfire poster trying to prove the atheist wrong discovered Rays site and as a result his life was changed.   His religion was flipped upside down, but God kept him studying diligently. This person started threads posting stuff he had learned here. 

At the time I was a lurker and read some of Rays stuff after going to his site when this other person posted the link. Initially, like so many others, I rejected it out of hand.  I think my rejection was some sort of instinctive reaction because of the indoctrination I had from the church.   

Yet to me,  PROOF of a verse like Proverbs 16:9 was that I was driven to start reading Rays stuff.  A little here, a little there, till now I am at a point where I can't get enough of scripture because what flows off of the pages is God taking me out of the wilderness and showing me his truths.

And to top it all off THIS PATH WAS STARTED BY AN ATHEIST,  the people in church that I have mentioned this too just get the deer in the headlights look.  It doesn't even seem to register.  hahahahaha

I go through so much turmoil and emotion as I ponder these things.  As I look at my life, which gererally is pretty good, and see others who are worse off and I want their life to be better but realize that God has us each where we are at for a purpose.   I understand the verses that show us that the process of perfection is not emotonally easy nor is it physically comfortable, yet, there can be a calm in the midst of that storm.  So much of the bible makes more sense when I know there is nothing that happens that was not a plan of Gods to begin with.

Anyway, I felt like I should just type and let the words flow off and only recheck my post for terrible spelling as I feel this writing is from my heart.

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Grateful

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Re: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2008, 03:35:45 AM »

AH HAHAHAHAHA, phazel !!!!!!!!!!!!!!   MY Spiritual Path TOO was started by an ATHEIST (at the time) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She is NOW a Christian, as far as I can tell by her Emails to me!!  (We haven't discussed "where she's coming from at present" as yet, because we live 450 miles apart, and I'd rather discuss this in person with her.)

Also, I was dying for Spiritual Companionship with other people in the Protestant churches I went to, and finally left them because of lack of it.   I have known loneliness so horrible to  the point of giving "The Primal Scream" inwardly.   God HEARD, and let me know I was NEVER alone!   Rah!

The Spiritual Path is "Suffering"  (AND JOY!! ) .   The dictionary defines the word "patience" as "suffering" (such as a patient in a hospital).  Like the Bible says, we enter the Kingdom of Heaven (which is WITHIN YOU) via many trials & tribulations......which in themselves are a cause for rejoicing, KNOWING that if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other every day that we live, heading for GOD, we WILL GET THERE!!!

Looking forward to seeing you in New Jerusalem!!   :D ::)

Linda
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phazel

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Re: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2008, 10:41:45 AM »


Also, I was dying for Spiritual Companionship with other people in the Protestant churches I went to, and finally left them because of lack of it.   I have known loneliness so horrible to  the point of giving "The Primal Scream" inwardly.   God HEARD, and let me know I was NEVER alone!   Rah!




You know, I am so glad you wrote this.  I never really could put my finger on something I have dealt with.   Someone could look at my life and wonder how I could feel lonely,  I even have just shook my head at myself as well.   I mean, a church full of people, a great wife and kids,  HOW ON EARTH COULD I FEEL LONELY???????


This past year I thought I was developing a special friendship with someone because they appeared very spiritual and I found ultimatly they had other motives for even wanting to talk with me about anything so I was very hurt to realize this.   

But that is it, that seems to explain it.   Spiritual companionship is what I have been after or, at least, what is needed.  That helps so much in recognizing what I have tried to solve with my feelings.    Very interesting.


Thank you

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Kat

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Re: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2008, 11:38:03 AM »


Hi Phazel,

Your story was really interesting and familiar in some ways.
It's interesting that I too got a nudge from an atheist to search deeper into there being no hell. Which lead me to BT and learning of God's total Sovereignty.
But I have always had a desire to know more about the afterlife and had believed the church had the answer to that.  I always knew there could not be the literal fire burning hell place, but what was there going to be after death?  I've been searching for 30 years to find a reasonable answer to that and nowhere did I find anything that I was satisfied with.  Now BT has given me the answer to that and much more  :D

I too believe I have felt this loneliness that Grateful mentioned and why I have never been able to satisfy that feeling with friendships.  Only the fellowship with like minded brethren has given me fulfillment like I have never known.  It is good to share these things, so we can grow in our understanding with one another  :)

mercy, peace and love
Kat

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Samson

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Re: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2008, 12:34:05 PM »

Great Testimony Phazel & Responses from Kat & Others,


                              I like the part you expressed about the " Hell " you were experiencing here on Earth, so to speak. That was part of my thinking, my verbally abusive Father who constantly degraded me growing up and thinking that A Loving God is not likely to send me to an Eternity of Misery, How could he, I'm getting that already down here. I used to pray to God asking him to let me die and be crying in mental agony saying please let me die, because I couldn't do it myself, but as you see, I'm still around.  I don't remember ever believing in Eternal Torment, eventually believing in Eternal Death(Non-Existence for the unrepentant), eventually that didn't sit well with me. I used to reason with myself thinking that at least the worst that will happen to me is Non-Existence. At least their wouldn't be any more Emotional suffering to experience. Prior to my arrival to this Site(12-15 months ago), I stumbled upon an article on the proper meaning of the Greek Word Aion and its' derivatives By John Wesley Hanson(approx: 80pgs). The rest eventually lead to this Site, hence The Free Will Series and much more, never even heard of Man not having a Free Will until reading Rays' material. Now I know that these Trials and sufferings are for our training and to Make us in Gods' image eventually, if not in this lifetime, Hebrews. Chapter 12 helps alot to maintain a balanced view of suffering.

                                         Your Brother in Christ, Samson.
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LittleBear

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Re: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2008, 02:34:47 PM »

You know, I think over time, as one's trials and tribulations just go on from day to day, no end in sight, God does a transformation that is barely noticeable. At some point, there is an acceptance, a willingness to bear whatever the day will bring, a certain resignation of what one thinks is one's right in this life.

Thanks Phazel and everyone for sharing your hearts.
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Deborah-Leigh

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Re: Thought I'd share my journey to bible truths
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2008, 04:41:57 PM »

Hello Phazel

Thank you for sharing.

What struck a chord with me is when you noted quote : I believe, but am not 100% certain, that this has caused the vast majority of the depression I deal with now.

I suffered terribly for clinical depression for which I recieved ten years of treatment. I am healed of this terribly painful condition and am CONVINCED that Babylonian indoctrination resulted in me being suicidally depressed! How can one not be depressed if one believes God is a con artist out to get us, kill us, hurt us and eternally torment us? Whew! I believed it too!

My treatment of my depression  gave me an outlet to release some of the pain, the darkness and the terrible suffering. It was a luxurious mercy but it did not HEAL or set me free of the error of falsly believing God to be an insane unloving unmerciful Father.

It was only because of God's Grace and Mercy and Goodness that I have been made to see and repent of how wrongly I understood God.  BT has been for me the first step into the Truth and manifestation of Freedom from error.

The Truth in the teachings here have been like so many of the blessings described in the Scriptures to many of us here....like the hem of the robe of Christ as He was walking through the tumultious world of mammon and Babylon that is pushing, shoving and pawning Christ, to get what they want or the restoration of sanity to the mad man or the abiltiy to walk for the man who got up and walked or the blind man who 's sight was restored!

Peace be to you

Arcturus :)

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