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Turning Our Idols Of The Heart Into Powder

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Robin:

--- Quote ---our very lives becoming a sweet smelling incense to our God.
--- End quote ---

I've been thinking a lot this month on how the grinding to powder hasn't done anything to make me "sweet smelling". I seem to be so much worse in that area than when I started. I am meaner and grumpier. There is underlying pain that causes me to seem harsh and short with my responses to others. Most of the time I would rather not talk at all. It seems that endurance uses all my energy and I don't have anything left over to give. My nervous system is shot. I have a negative thought process due to all the constant, hard circumstances for so many years.

I don't seem to be where God would want me to be at all and there seems to be nothing I can do to change my bad brain. I could try to fake joy and gratitude, but I'm not very good at that. I am very grateful for the truth that God has revealed to me. I often wonder if God can change all of this in me. It just seems so big and un-fixable. I know there needs to be repentance somewhere in all of this. I need to be set free from some carnal part in me that has a strong hold.

I'm very sorry for who I have become or maybe God is just revealing more of the beast that has always been there.

hillsbororiver:
Hi M.G.

First off I want to say that there have been many times in the past when I have been encouraged and have learned from what you have shared with us here.

Is this a feeling that is constant? Have there been times when in fact you have felt progression in your journey?

This experience you are having is one I have some familiarity with and when I am in that desert surrounded by dark clouds seemingly without His presence there is little anyone can say that improves my condition, I am drawn to solitude (when I can find it) and I pray, not in the traditional sense but as a conversation a child might have with a parent when the child has been discouraged, even beaten down by events in their young life.

Sometimes I have wrestled with His Spirit as Job wrestled with the Angel of The Lord, begging, pleading for a blessing and refusing to give up until it was granted, more than once my spirit was so weary I fell asleep as I was engaging Him. Dreaming dreams that often were troubling yet comforting as I knew where the inspiration of them were stemming from, I knew that He was there, I had not been abandoned.

This in itself did not make things easy but hope was reinstilled and faith was strengthened and before long the promises the Lord has given us seemed real and alive again.

You are in my prayers Sister.

His Peace and Comfort to you,

Joe   

Robin:
Thanks Joe. It is constant.

I think it is more of a physical/mental illness of sorts. My brain doesn't function correctly and so much stress makes it worse. I know that God is using all of it for his plan, but I just wish I could be more like Paul was with all his hardships.

I have many blessings right now. My son has been sober for close to a year thanks to a couple of interventions from God. My grandkid's headaches have been so much better this year. I just moved into my own little place where I have quiet and solitude. God has always been good to me even through the grinding.

If I could explain what it feels like it would be like God is a dentist and I've had a constant toothache that he has been working on daily for about 15 years, lol. That's as close as I can get to an explanation of what I'm experiencing.

I've had the Job grumbling a couple of times this year. I was triggered by your Job thread last year and I was begging for God to heal my grandchildren when I couldn't endure watching them suffer. I felt angry at God on both of those occasions. Most of the time I am able to accept his plan in my life and hold onto the faith he has given me.

I think there may be a huge carnal part of me that wants to hang onto some control. Freedom and not being attached to anything worldly can be frightening.

The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. I think I understand that better now after writing all this. Thanks for listening. :)

dch1:
All I can say is many many many tears flow as the spirit reveals to you how all of the things that happend with YOUR dreams and YOUR desires were because of that stone falling on you. it hurts like of a son of a gun, but then you realize you are one of the chosen. Then many tears will flow again. GLORY TO GOD!Whatever the idol is,when you are called and chosen that stone comes down and it comes down hard.

Deborah-Leigh:
Hi MG

I want to agree with what Joe expresses quote : I want to say that there have been many times in the past when I have been encouraged and have learned from what you have shared with us here.

I too have also noticed that while being ground, the Lord does bless and make provision so we do not perish no matter what miserable state we experience through His grinding. Ray wrote that the Lord was a man of "sorrows" which has recently been a comfort to me. Babylon has brain washed its following to believe if you are not happy clappy then there is something wrong with you. The reverse is actually more near the truth. As Jesus was and is so are we supposed to be here and now and Jesus was a man who was acquainted with grief.

He will release us from this misery and one day we will be fully birthed into the joy of the Lord when He returns to give us full redemtion.

Peace and love to you sister

Arcturus :)

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