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[phazel]

It is hard for me to resolve this in my thinking when I can understand not having free will but then I hate myself for the way I act towards certain people.   There are some people who have really betrayed me as friends, not that they did anything really horrible,  but they have made gestures of friendship and I have found out that it is all fake, so I have pretty much been e-mailing them and being a big Jerk.

It is hard for me to understand why I can't just let it go and stop,  then I feel guilty and apologize, but I do not really mean it because I still feel badly towards them and recently started being a jerk again because I feel a humiliation when they act so superior to me because they do not act like me. 

I can't understand why they have affected me this way,  these are the only two people that have bothered me in this way and I am having a hard time understanding why I feel so helpless to control how I am acting.  I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE THIS IN MY MIND  but it will not go away.

[Phil3:10]

Phazel
Guess what, your just a carnal human and all of us have to deal with the same. Best remedy is to pray for them and this is not easy.
Phil3:10

[musicman]

You're not alone there.

[phazel]

I do understand I should pray for them.  And it is hard.    I want to pray that they see their treatment of me, but then I see how terrible I have been reacting so I have to see that they are not an excuse to behave how I do.

I am trying to pray for good things for them even if they never really are my friends.

That is hard, but I am going to try.    With beasts like me,  the Christian anti-Christ is no threat whatsoever......

[Martinez]

Hey phazel welcome to the carnal idiot club!

Meet president Me!

Don't beat yourself over it. that is just counter productive and plus God has a good, no, excellent reason for it.
He gives us these weaknesses so we can't overcome them, and when we finally get to the point where we can't overcome them and there is no good thing in us, then He will heal us.

He doesn't just do these things for our benefit, but for the benefit of others too.

Gen 50:19  And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God?
Gen 50:20  But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

That's how God works. That doesn't mean that we don't have to strive. it's in the striving and failing that we know that we are totally at the mercy of the beast, and that's when God becomes our strength!

Chin up, this is for but a fleeting moment.

Howbeit a seemingly endless fleeting moment LOL!

[Little Joe]

I can't add much to what Martinez said.

Today, I feel like a real jerk, and I'm acting accordingly.  It's really all about me having to go on a three week job assignment to Nevada, and the beast within is having a hissy fit. As someone once said, "Wer'e all made of the sam ole dirt".  That carnal man is tough to tame.  So, hang in there, bro, the Lord is going to see ya through, just like He will me. 

Joe

[Samson]

Hey Brothers,

                   Don't beat yourself up over it Phazel, I can be a jerk at times too, just ask my wife, I like the response by Martinez, The Carnal Idiot Club, I guess I'm a member of that club too, at least all of us have a sense of recognition that we fall short, better to have humility about our imperfections, than to be haughty and overly proud, much of Mandkind doesn't seem to care how they think or act.

                   Phazel, remember the old saying, " With friends like that, who needs enemies, " Personally, I pick my friends sparingly, I have alot of acquaintances, but hardly any real friends; I like what it says at John. 15:14-16, he called his Apostles his friends, instead of slaves, John being especially close to Jesus; John. 21:20-22. I try to be friendly with everyone, but have had in life, few genuine friends.

                   Keep your chins up, my Brothers, I'll pray for you, please pray for me.

                                         Your Brother, Samson.

[hillsbororiver]

Don't you think just the fact that we are concerned about how we now hate certain things about ourselves (that we are still prone to) and are either not in denial or continuing to justify our carnal natures is indeed a very real sign of spiritual growth?

Yes, it is difficult and painful to experience but if we felt complacent and as if we were fully mature in Christ that would be a real danger sign, that we even think about these things is proof the Spirit of the Lord is working in/on us!

His Peace and Wisdom to you,

Joe

[Bradigans]

Outside of Christ, and in the flesh, you can't overcome anything. It's futile.

 - 2 Corinthians 3:5-6 - Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.

Stay in THE WORD...

[Rene]

I can't understand why they have affected me this way,  these are the only two people that have bothered me in this way and I am having a hard time understanding why I feel so helpless to control how I am acting.  I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE THIS IN MY MIND  but it will not go away.

Hi Phazel,

I am constantly being reminded how much I need Christ to overcome my weaknesses and this fact is highlighted every time I fall short of saying, doing, and thinking the right thing.  I'm also coming to recognize that the difficult people and circumstances in my life are the ones that seem to be teaching me the most about who I am at heart.  This realization is part of my spiritual growth.  I, too, hate it when I react badly to certain situations, but hopefully this means I am learning to love righteousness and hate wickedness.

Rene'

[Linny]

Hey Phazel,
I am going to speak from experience here but when we are hurt by people, we have to make a choice. We can CHOOSE to be offended, or we can choose not to be offended. One good thing I did learn from our former church and from my Spiritual mentor was that "dead people don't get offended." Meaning, dead to ourselves. One thing I have learned from my many years of living is that my side or version is not the only side and I have to consider that others are not only not living my present life and situation, but they have their own very personal background and life experiences so that what seems ridiculous to me may make perfect sense to them. They may still be completely wrong, but I make a choice to give them the benefit of the doubt. It makes things hurt a lot less.

It is certainly not easy to walk in our Spirit man over our fleshly man but the more we try to do it, the less the world can hurt our feelings. If my Savior can be spit upon and treated as He was, let them do it,  and then forgive those who did it, how can I walk in offense of such minor things in comparison? I am not saying it is easy, it is just an attitude that takes time to cultivate and lots of prayer and help from the Lord to maintain. I work HARD to do it and still fail a lot of the time, but I get better all the time too.

Linny

[Martinez]

                   Phazel, remember the old saying, " With friends like that, who needs enemies, " Personally, I pick my friends sparingly, I have alot of acquaintances, but hardly any real friends; I like what it says at John. 15:14-16, he called his Apostles his friends, instead of slaves, John being especially close to Jesus; John. 21:20-22. I try to be friendly with everyone, but have had in life, few genuine friends.

                   Keep your chins up, my Brothers, I'll pray for you, please pray for me.

                                         Your Brother, Samson.

Hey Samson!

I too don't have many friends but a lot of acquaintances. it is a very lonely road we are called to travel. it doesn't have many traveling companions and it's narrow because it leads to life.

That still doesn't stop it being lonely though!

Thank God for the internet!

[Bradigans]

                   Phazel, remember the old saying, " With friends like that, who needs enemies, " Personally, I pick my friends sparingly, I have alot of acquaintances, but hardly any real friends; I like what it says at John. 15:14-16, he called his Apostles his friends, instead of slaves, John being especially close to Jesus; John. 21:20-22. I try to be friendly with everyone, but have had in life, few genuine friends.

                   Keep your chins up, my Brothers, I'll pray for you, please pray for me.

                                         Your Brother, Samson.

Hey Samson!

I too don't have many friends but a lot of acquaintances. it is a very lonely road we are called to travel. it doesn't have many traveling companions and it's narrow because it leads to life.

That still doesn't stop it being lonely though!

Thank God for the internet!

I've made that statement above of being lonely many times myself. I'm beginning to believe it's not true anymore. It's just a matter of taking your eyes by faith off of the physical (temporal) of what you don't have, and putting them by faith on what you do have in the spiritual/eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18).

 - Hebrews 12:22-24 - But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels, to the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect, And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.

There are brothers and sisters all around, and even angels. Don't be concerned, like Satan wants you to be, of what you don't see with the eyes.

[ciy]

1 Samuel 30:6 is always an encouragement to me when this narrow, lonely walk gets tough.  We are set apart for a reason and I believe one of the main reasons is so that we come to see that all we can turn to is the Lord and He will supply us.

" 6And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. "

Know that God has you in the palm of His right hand.

CIY

[David]

Hi Phazel
I would just reiterate what everyone has said here, that this something we all battle with. Its the Adam in us.
I'm about as bad as you can get for the way in which I have treated some people, and we're not just talking a couple here. I used to use a lot musicians forums, and I lost count how many I got banned from because I was so self opinionated, argumentative, unforgiving, self righteous, judgemental, sarcastic and even insulting to hundreds of people, and possibly thousands that were just inactive readers.
The beast in all of us to begin with is complete, it has every facet of evil there is in us. Not all are always manifested, but a lot of it is.
Just keep in mind our transformation, our conformity to the image of Christ is a gradual process that takes our life times.
2 Cor 3:17-18 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Notice the blue section of this verse. We are being transformed, and as we go along in our walk in Christ, if we abide in his commandments we are given a little more glory as we go along.
The fact that God has laid it on your heart to share this and to publically repent of it shows that God is working in you and dealing with this problem in  His own way, after the council of His own will.
Let that be your exhortation brother, God is dealing with it and will burn it out of you completely when He's good  and ready.
Be blessed
David.

[colibri]

Hi, Stop beating yourself up but stop e-mailing these people, if you haven't already. Don't worry about whether they see how they have treated you (this will be hard to do) God sees the truth Then  pray for help and forgiveness.  Then  pray for and ask God to bless your friends(this also may not be easy)

The fact that you see how you act is all that matters. Jesus loves you. You might pray for him to lead you to friends who will be true and faithful.

Stop concentrating on your negative points and think about your positive ones. Pray and pray and pray.
Repent of your actions and move forward, this is very very hard, but you can do it.
Love, Colibri