similarly different

[Becky]

Born and raised in a Church of Christ,  I had been brain washed into believing that mine was the correct religion.  My mom was hard core in her beliefs and she expected the same from the family.

Ours was the perfect little family!  We were praised by others for being so good and talented.  My sister and I grew up singing and playing instruments up front most every Sunday it seemed.  Wednesday nigth bible-studies, Thursday night Choir, VBS, and youth group activities were our lives.  We were the poster children of perfection:  Lovng Jesus and obeying the rules.  My sister and I were baptised on the same day when I was 8.  I went along with everything I was taught.  I never questioned a thing... for a time.

Middle school consisted of the same except we added the youth group outing to Heavens Gates, Hell's Flames: a church drama about a highschool kid who drives drunk, gets killed and Jesus sends him to Hell.  The hell scene was outside and we had to walk through it while deamon (actors) grabbed at our clothes and yelled at us while Satan laughed at the boy... all in all it was a great experience ...yeah right.  When the play was done we could choose the heaven door to exis or the hell... I chose heaven and I still wonder what was on the other side of the hell door.  Probably the church leaders spitting on the poor kid.

In high school, I was really involved in my youth group and when the leadership roles changed,  so did the atmosphere of the group.  The new leaders had a rough sense of humor and felt it necessary to make fun of all the things we kids did.. we too then picked up their habbit and the group became cruel.  I asked to make a statement in the leader meeting and I prepared a page full of scripture confronting their behavior..  I may have come across as a bratty kid telling my leaders that they were in the wrong, but I really felt that something was way off!  The leaders listened and then after I was through, yelled at me and told me I was out of line.. that was it... I let it go.

I was upset with the church.  The elders were in charge and I felt that I knew God better than them.  They were awful!  All the back-biting, gossip, slander, cliques, etc. started to really wear on me.  I became depressed my Senior year and put God out of my life

A thunderstorm rolled in town and followed me home from school.  I was peculiarly afraid of the storm for some reason and when I got home, I got out of my car, slammed the door and yelled at God: "What??"  (sarcastically).  That was a point in my life looking back I was actually able to begin to understand what having a real relationship instead of what I was told to have by others.

I was in college and was seeing that there was more out there than the country club snobbery I was experiencing at my home church.  I had been walking though the motions of religion, being fed poison.  I did not know the real Jesus.  I was searching.  

 I was pretty naieve in well, most everything.  I guess you could say I grew up pretty sheltered.  I never smoked, drank, cussed, had sex (I only kissed one boy once.), watched The Simpson, Friends, etc.  I was taught that that was evil, etc.  I looked down on others for being bad.  When I'd go home on the weekends in college, I'd go to church with my family and then our dinner conversation was tearing apart everyone at church :" what was she wearing, she looked like a slut!" " He sang so off key! It was awful!"  They were so retarded" .... Those were real things we said at the time.

I met my future husband my freshman year of college and we were best friends.  He drank casually and was a dreaded Lutheran!   My church of christ mother would never approve of that!... well she kind of accepted it some how.  

Our relationship became more than just best friends.  Because of my background with being sheltered, I was shocked that I, miss perfect Becky could stoop so low as to fall in love and sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WOW!  What a revelation; what a shocker!  I had gotten carried away in kissing and we didn't have sex.... he just touched my chest.   Gee wiz... I was a slut!

Actually, I was so upset  that I decided to stop dating for 6 months and work on my relationship with God... I read so many Christian books, and worked so hard and redeeming myself from my sin.  I actually learned a lot in that time and God was starting to show me what was wrong with me.. Geee I wasn't perfect... Gee there actually was meaning to the word Grace... even at that time my church didn't even talk about the noun grace, so that was even new to me.

My husband waited patiently for me even though I had said we were through.  I thought he was bad for making me be bad...  Yeah ok.. We eventually became friends again and he says that he had been dumped for God (that made me feel all holy!)

Fast forward:
We got married in the Lutheran Church and all was well.

My sister and I had had a rough existance together, especially after I left the church of christ and got married before her. She is probably one of those borderline personality cases and has really extreme outbursts.  I once was so scared of her that I ran from her,fell in the hall, scraped my knees, got up and ran though the neighborhood without knowing there was blood running down my legs.   So I guess you can say, I didn't like my sister..  Ok you can say I actually hated her actions.  I still hoped deep down that she'd treat me kindly. (with sincerity)

All was well at the Lutheran church exept that the snobbery that I experienced at my old church surfaced again... slowly and less obviously.
I participated in a womens renewal thast lasted 6 months.  We told our stories and then had to lead a weekend for new ladies.  We had to spiritually discern who'd do what job for the weekend..  What the heck was spiritual discernment, I wondered?  They apparently didn't know either.  Like before, the same old story: it was all about the rules.  We got caddy and got hurt feelings.  That was fun!

The ladies helped my husband and I out with money (it was a pretty wealthy church group) while were newlyweds and still in college.  I felt guilty for accepting the groceries when I felt they were wrong and out of touch.  I guess hunger outweighs guilt.  It was during these times I was getting over panic attacks and some severe anxiety.  I discovered I had ADHD too and began treatment which has still been helping to this day.

I questioned the pastors on doctrines, infant baptism, communion, and why they wore white angel outfits when they preached.  I never got  a real good answer.... they were nicer people than my first church but under the "niceness" it seemed overall, that they just didn't get it.

I stopped going... because I moved to the country and that was good.  I had found my excuse.  I was searching again for the truth and wrote 14 pages in my journal in Sept 05 about the church that was fake and wrong... then I typed in "hell" on Google and ended up here.  I got so excited and told my mom... shoot, I even showed my mom the scripture in Romans that talked about God being sovereign.... she couldn't see..I let it go. She wont talk about it.  My husband is so logical that our discussions are pretty non productive.  Sometimes after Im sad from talking, he'll say that he was just testing me... then I'm happy and talk to him again.. then he gets upset again.. After discussing it here with you all and learning from my mistakes, I have just talked about the milk casually.

I pray he'll see the truth.  You all are the only ones who I can really talk to.  It is a lonely road.  But I wouldn't trade knowing Jesus for all the rules and "friends" in the "world".

Thank you

Becky

[SandyFla]

Hi Becky,

Welcome to the forum! Thanks for posting your testimony.

I also have a problem talking to my mother. I've showed her the Scriptures and explained to her about hell/grave, but she just doesn't get it. Now, whenever she says something about a person spending eternity in hell, I just keep quiet. God will show her someday, as he will your mother also. Don't get discouraged ... God is over all and He is in charge. Everything is going according to His plan, and it's right on schedule!  

Sandy

[SandyFla]

OK, I guess "welcome" is a bit late! Anyway, I never "talked" to you, so I guess that welcome sorta fits!  :oops:

Sandy

[gmik]

Thanks for sharing Becky!  I do enjoy your posts and your honesty....and I love the fish!

(We gals gotta stand strong with all the testosterone around here. :wink: )

[orion77]

Becky, I appreciate you sharing with us your testimony.  Still amazes me how God works in each life and brings them to the truth.  

Seems to me, your husband is a very lucky man.  Dont worry, he'll come around, us men are often too stubborn to admit things. Keep up your with honest posts.

God bless,

Gary

[Becky]

thanks ladies (and guy)!   I appreciate you all taking the time to read my post.  Like I said, I don't have anyone else to talk to (like many of you too).  
I hope my husband comes around too!  Thanks!!!

[Becky]

thanks Bobby!  I am glad to have this group to share with!

[Falconn003]

wonderful testimony you shared.

Be blessed and restful.

Rodger

[zander]

Thanks Becky, nice testimony.  I love reading them all.  

Having read all these testimonies, it seems they have gone into more detail than i did.  

Well just to expand a little on my testimony.  

Since i was a kid, i had a sort of "Christian" upbringing, but not a strict one.  However my dad did and still does beleive in the orrthodox way.  Me, being the very inquisitive kid that i was, kept looking into my dad's book called "Soon coming world shaking events" in 1981, i was 6.  of course it was written by an American pastor and is totally unscriptural (i know that now).  

I read this and became a bit scared.  I became a bit scared and my dad would occasionaly scare me a bit more, saying if i didnt beleive i would be eaten by Lions or would go to hell, not in an abusive way, more matter of fact way.  I never took him serioulsy enough really.  Sure i was scared, but only for short times then id forget about it, as my dad never drummed it in to me, luckily

ANyway, as life went on into my teens, i never pursued a "christian" life, but beleived in God and that there was a God.  In 2001, i fell massively in love for a girl at work.  Literally fell in love.  I hadnt felt this way in a long time for a girl as i am very fussy.  ANyway, she was jewish.  AFter a few months of us being together, she dumped me.  I was, in a word - devastated.  I had know her for 9 months and i thought we had grown so close. So much so, i cried for weeks, months actually.  I eventually left work 3 months later as i had found out she was with another guy, FROM work.  I was gutted for sure.  

So it was during this time, i needed comfort, peace.  I was so sad, i turned to God.  I turned to what i had been brought up to beleive.  I went through quite a trying time after quitting my job.  It took me a few dead end jobs and a crap sales job to eventually climb up the ladder i had fallen so hard from, from my previous job.  I was such an idiot to pusue such a girl who had so many issues.  It wasntreally until about mid 2004 that i had got back on top of my career ladder.  3 wasted years and all for the love of a silly girl - and even worse AT work  :roll:

Anyway from JAn 2002 I went to Church courses and made christian friends etc.  I was becoming, quite slowly, an orthodox job.  One from the firm.  You know the score.  I have a Christian friend and he made it much easier for me and encouraged me.  Even my now girlfriend who started going to Church made me happy about it all and that Church was "so right".  But i know deep deep down, i had a million questions about it all.  OK, so God had helped me through the healing process of my ex, but now i had the REAL questions.

ANyway, Come April 2004, i found the truths, by accident, like most guys here.  I was searching for information, randomly on revelation and now i am here.  i didnt have many christian friends anyway, as i didnt attend Church regularly.  My one close Christian friend is still a very good mate.  But hes orthodox and is blinded.  My girlfriend doesnt really attend church, but she did go through a phase and she sometimes refers to a comeback.  i really hope she stays away, but her mum is a strict orthodox job.

I have also had the privilege of being kicked out of an Orthodox Chritian website for debating them.  Their wicked views and the views of many who email Ray drove my belief of the scriptural truths even further.  Even the views of my old churches make me realise how true the scriptures must be, as they cant have been much better.  Same center, different coating.

Its a God given privilege to know what i know, but i know that i have a lot more to go through before i become a member of God's spiritual family.

[Becky]

THANKS for sharing more!

I have a question though... is "job" slang for lets say "mess" "screwy" etc?

[zander]

LOl    love sharing language differences.  Job is slang for "case", like "nut job" (nut case) or "sound (good) job" (sound (good) case)

[Becky]

ok that's what I gathered.... that is interesting!  Thanks!!  Is "the firm" your word or slang?

Oh wow... i just remembered my dream i had sunday night!...  I dreampt I went to London!  (I've never actually been there though)
I was walking on brick roads at night and ended up at a restaurant and ate with London people!

[zander]

yeah "the firm" is my slang.  I see it as those who are part of it.

Nice dream about London you had there.  Sounds nicer than some places around here.  You should visit.  Costs on average a monkey for a flight over and you can a hotel room for a Pony....

[Becky]

hmmmm.... a monkey would be nice... hard decision: if i had the money for either, i'd probably go to London (less monkey poo to clean up).

I went to Paris last year with my husband and his family (kind of like National Lampoons European Vacation)

It was fun... my bro-in-lawstayed one extra day and went to London... I was soooo close. Oh well, work called

[zander]

  Monkey is London slang for £500 and Pony is slang for £25.  I know i dont get it either, but thats us for you.

[Becky]

oh..... well now i feel silly :oops:

oh wow...do your keyboards have the pound symbol? I never thought of that before!

[gmik]

My daughter and son in law just got back from a week in London. Round trip on BA and staying at a nice BB cost 1500$ for the 2 of them a whole week.  Start saving Becky for the conference!

[Becky]

awesome! that's not rediculous!