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disheartened
mari_et_pere:
Hello all. Long time no talk. I haven't been on bible truths for months and months! I came back to it today and the only thing I can think of is how disheartened I am. Disenchanted with everything under the sun. Aside from my wife and kids, I just don't care about anything else. Life is stressful. Financially I'm sunk beyond sunk, mostly because of long ago past mistakes and my current living arrangement. I don't even know how to explain what I feel lately. I tried to talk to my wife about it and didn't even know where to begin, where to go, or where to end. I think she's in pretty much the same boat anyway. I'm not sad, not angry, not happy. Numb I suppose? Numb's a good word. I feel unfeelings. Non-feelings. Like nothingness sort of. Maybe that's why people cling to their silly little religions? Makes them feel as if they have a purpose? I dunno. Something that seems very exciting to someone makes me nod off. Some horrendous event that makes people tremble with fear or cry with sorrow just makes me feel.....nothing really. Pope's in America, everyone's talking about it. So what? Election this election that. Who cares. War. Yep and? I dunno. Dog pooped on the floor a while ago. Don't care yet. I gotta work 12 hours tonight, need a nap cuz I've been up since 7:30. I don't care. I'll be tired as heck in the morning and guess what, I don't care. Now I'm just rambling and whining. Don't wanna sound like a whiner so........
Deborah-Leigh:
I get your drift and I recall all the problems you were going through. Numb is the word for being punch drunk which is what it sounds like you are well into now. That so what, big deal, what do I care sensation. I get the drift. Personally I have not been there in your particular circumstances but I have wanted to stop breathing and begged God to be merciful and let me simply expire! I have been there and still enjoy the feeling of peaceful sleep that I am blessed to receive each night even though my circumstances are and have been far from pain free.
I can empathise with you that is for sure. All I can say is that this experience you have found words to describe is not in vain. It has a purpose even though at present it evades you. If you knew what the purpose was, your faith would no longer be built up. You'd be like the Thomas who only after seeing the wounds, fell to the ground and said, My God.
You are on the ground perhaps unable to say anything. That's okay. You are exactly where God has purposed you to be and it is not due to your circumstances but to God who is training you in righteousness and understanding that will be most valuable to others as you have to share in your strength's somewhere some day.
Peace to you and yours brother. BTW where there is no Mercy there is Judgment. I do not judge you.
Arc.
gmik:
I am so glad you checked in Brother. I have missed you.
Some years ago, I felt similar (you describe it so well). Since prayer, church, etc wasn't helping I went and got on anti-anxiety and anti depressants. Sorry to those of you out there that don't believe in this stuff, but it sure helped me.
Hon, I am not saying that is the answer for you, but just saying it has helped me get out of the fog.
PM me if you want more details. I do feel your pain, and no one "gets" it if they have never experienced it.
Matt:
I have been through a similar situation before. Debt coming out of my ears, not enough money to pay the bills, but enough for a cheap case of beer, oh yeah, I have to tell my wife today that I am deploying again for a few months, ahhhhhhh >:( I remember the hopelessness and never being able to see a way out of it. I took my numbness to the brink of divorce and ruin. It took many years for me to get my life on track, and many more to understand and appreciate it.
It will not be easy, but if you stay the course and remain strong, this will pass and happiness will return to every area of your life. I look back and I can see how the Lord used those "bad times" to strengthen me. My life is much better now for having made it through the storm. Circumstances from the past that would have shaken me are almost laughable now. This may sound weird, but now I can see God in all areas of my life, especially the tough times (no more devil with a pitchfork messing up God's plans!).
I pray for peace to return to you brother,
Stay strong
Matt
Samson:
Sorry to hear about your plight and your unwanted stress, I wish that everything turns out better soon for you. I'd like to tell that it will soon be okay in your life, but I don't know exactly God's plan for you, so I'll just leave it in God's mighty Loving hand.
I will say that I've experienced those feelings of hopelessness, a who cares numb feeling. When things aren't going well in life, who cares about these different events, that you mentioned in your post. Just want to let you know that I'll be thinking about you and praying for your situation to improve, hoping you'll get some relief soon.
Your Brother in Christ, Samson
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