Dear Ray,
Thank you for the time you take for putting all those papers together and making it available to so many souls that visit your site. I really appreciate your hard work and I admire your ministry.
I came out from a very religious and strict background and little by little I am being cleansed by what I read on your site and in the Bible.
I don't know how many times I have read it about the Free Will papers and everything to do with God's will for us but I have to confess Ray that I really need some help from someone like you.
I am engaged to a girl and we are to marry next year. I love her a lot and I can't wait to spend my life with her. I really feel she is the one God had in store for me. We are together for over a year and we never had an argument. The big problem is I have bisexual feelings and I am addicted to pornography. I don't know where to find help. Pastors will not help me. I have been praying for yea rs and I can't overcome it. I saw your video on Repentance but I although I hate what I do, I can't resist falling in to sin.
I hope I don't sound stupid but could this be the Will for God for me for now? Isn't He who makes me to will and to act accordingly with his purpose. Please don't get me wrong Ray, I don't like doing it. I really want to get out of it and to love my fiancee and be there for her.
I have told her at the beginning of our relationship about my bisexual feelings but she doesn't know that I meet guys for sex from time to time behind her back and I feel awful. Sometimes I don't see it as betraying her because I do it just fulfill my needs but this HAS to stop. I don't see me living with guys and anything like that. I just like the sex and that is it. The worse thing is I don't have sex with her because I don't want to disobey God and have sex before marriage. But I do it with guys what is even abomination to God. What do I do? How d o I repent? I don't want to hurt her by telling her about my affairs because I do love her and I want to be happy with her.Her first boyfriend left her to be with a guy and I don't want her to think I would do the same, that is not my purpose in life. Could God be behind this? Could it be that the first guy was to prepare her to have me? I need help.
I am sorry to be telling you this but I honestly don't know what do to. Or better still, I know what do to, (that I have to STOP it) but I don't know how, when and where.
Should I look for psychologist help?
I don't want to put the responsibility on God but can He be the one making me do this? I have read all your emails about homosexuality and all about free will and also the homosexuality and the Bible but how can I get out of it?
I appreciate your time.
Best regards,
Billy
Dear Billy: The reason I didn't answer your email the other day when you sent it, is twofold: First, I have hundreds and hundreds of unanswered emails ahead of yours waiting for me to answer, and second, I have been meditating on just how to answer you without totally offending you to the point where you just say: "To hell with it all."
You present yourself as the victim in your scenario, which is not totally true. Yes, you are victimized by your own carnal, lying, lustful, selfish nature, but you are also the perpetrator. I realize that you can't stop doing what you enjoy doing, but that can be used as an excuse, as you are doing. Especially, when you ask: "... can He [God] be the one making me do this?" No God is NOT making you do this.
While it is Scripturally true that "...it is God which works in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13), it is not true that God works in you both to will and to do abominable homosexual acts of perversion. We volunteer to do evil, but only God can volunteer us to do good. And the reason God does not do cause or make us sin is because James says: "Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempts he any man. But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed" (James 1:13-14).
We are all "naturally" drawn away from God by our carnal mind, but we are not all "naturally" drawn to God without God's direct intervention, because we have no such natural mechanism. Repentance and obedience is a gift from God.
Your sin is far far greater than you apparently realize, and your self-justification is as bad as your sin. Here are the facts: You do NOT love this girl, even as much, let alone more, than you love homosexual sex. Imagine a friend of yours telling you that he is in love with a girl and wants to marry her, and that they don't have sex because he is "saving" himself for when they are married. But he then tells you that he does, however, have intercourse with hookers and prostitutes on the side, but he only does it "to fulfill his needs." What do you think of your friend?
Billy, do we think that people perform perverted sex out of LOVE? Of course they do it just to "fulfill their perverted needs." Why is it that you don't just come out and tell your girlfriend that your perform homosexual acts on other men, but you are saving yourself for her? You are deceiving this girl that you claim to love. If you can't stop having sex with men now, when you should be at the peak of your affection for this girl, then believe me, you WILL NOT STOP AFTER YOU ARE MARRIED! But right now, your are only deceiving this girl, but should she find out the truth about you, your will DESTROY THIS GIRL. This is already her second-go-round with a deceiver. YOU WILL DESTROY HER!
You need to let this girl GO. You can't go a couple of weeks without having sex with men and deceive YOURSELF, that you are cured and can now marry this girl. You can't trust yourself, and for sure your girlfriend cannot trust you. Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too. Maybe you can't stop having sex with other men, but you CAN let this girl go, and you must. You do not truly love her, you only think you do. I am tempted to ask how you would feel if you found out that your girlfriend is having sexual affairs with other men right now, but I fear that in your condition, you might be alright with that.
God doesn't make you sin, but God can bring you out of sin, I can't. I can only encourage you to do the right thing with your girlfriend. Assuming the story of the prostitute caught in the act that was brought to Christ is Scripture, He didn't tell her to seek out a good psychologist to help her with her problem. He merely said: "Go and SIN NO MORE!!" What greater words of wisdom can I add to the Words of Jesus?
I don't doubt your disgust for your sin, Billy, but you cannot involve another trusting person in your sin. You will destroy her, and that Billy, is not love.
We will pray for you as we pray for all those who come to us seeking God's will in their lives. This is front-line spiritual WARFARE, Billy. This is not a game. You need to throw yourself on the mercy of God.
God be with you,
Ray
