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Author Topic: How to change your oil  (Read 4765 times)

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Kat

  • Guest
How to change your oil
« on: May 18, 2008, 06:39:17 PM »



How to Change Your Oil

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.


Men:

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 13mm box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on hand in the process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up. Finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, dump in hole in back yard.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11, 15, & 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11 and buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Pan is empty. Find drain plug in back yard hole.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on bumper in reaction.

29. Begin cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1982).

32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands.

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 26.

40. Drive car a quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change.

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frecklegirl417

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2008, 09:14:37 PM »

 ;D ;D ;D ;D    So, that was the reason one of my ex-boyfriends took so long changing my oil!!!!!!
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joyful1

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2008, 09:16:21 PM »

;D OH KAT!!! hahahahahah!!! SOO true....didn't we do one like this a year ago?
Joyce :)
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Matt

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2008, 11:00:25 PM »

Ahhhh Ha, but you forget, who is changing the oil at Jiffy Lube ;D
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joyful1

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2008, 10:26:14 AM »

;D right Matt! But at Jiffy Lube, I have my newspaper and my rose and my coffee, and I'm sitting there in the driver's seat and watching the CAMERA on the guys down below......therefore NO BEER PLUS there is a wall full of instructions and equipment and parts!! Vioala!
heheheeheheh!!
Joyce :)
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kweli

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2008, 11:55:01 AM »

Professionals are overrated!!!
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Kat

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2008, 02:13:29 PM »


Hi joyce,

Yes this was up a while ago, I ran across it in a search.  I thought it was so funny and there were some here now that hadn't seen it and would get a kick out of it. 

Hey I hate to think what would happen if I had to change my oil  :P

mercy, peace and love
Kat

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Roy Monis

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2008, 03:01:26 PM »


Hi joyce,

Yes this was up a while ago, I ran across it in a search.  I thought it was so funny and there were some here now that hadn't seen it and would get a kick out of it. 

Hey I hate to think what would happen if I had to change my oil  :P

mercy, peace and love
Kat



Hi! Kath

I had no such problems with my bicycle. Of course I forgot, that requires leg power.

God bless               

Love in Christ Jesus.

Roy. 
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joyful1

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #8 on: May 20, 2008, 05:54:53 AM »

Kat--
I hear ya sister, me too!

Roy--
Cute pic!

Joyce :)
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Roy Monis

  • Guest
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2008, 09:01:17 AM »

Kat--
I hear ya sister, me too!

Roy--
Cute pic!

Joyce :)



Hi! Joyce

You're an excellent teacher and I'm getting real clever under your tuition.

God bless and thanks a million.   

Love in Christ Jesus.

Roy.     "The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love." 1Jn.4:8
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cjwood

  • Bible-Truths Forum Member
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2095
Re: How to change your oil
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2008, 05:31:39 AM »

loved the way women change the oil. i've actually driven to jiffy lubes many times.  pulled in, gave them my debit card, drank some water, watched their tv, then drove off with my oil matters in check for another 3000 miles. (:   look forward to meeting you in nashville kat.

claudia
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