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[Danyool]

Hi to everyone.

Im not sure how to start this so i will apologise in advance if it doesnt make much sense. But i am really struggling with seeing the Beast with in me. I know it is there and i believe with all my heart that the beast is in me. But why can i not see it?? Right now i am experiencing the falling away of my first love

(Rev 2:4)  But I have against you that you leave your first love.

But i didnt expect to fall while being a member here. I thought i had already left my first love, when i left babylon. But the last few days ive come to realise i was never really in babylon either. I came to believe in CHrist before i went to church. And i came to believe that God would save ALL mankind. Then went to church and learnt about hell. I think i lasted 6 weeks at church before i couldnt handle anymore of there lies. It just wasnt scripture. They was contradicting what i believed was the truth and freedom i was beginning to find in christ and his word. But then i got led here about 5 months ago and i havnt really posted much ive just been reading and studying. But the last 4 weeks i have fallen away! i can feel myself slipping my carnal mind taking control. Doing things that i know are wrong but physically cannot will myself t change it. I can mentally think it but it doesnt stop me. Ive started drinking alot over the last 4 weeks along with my smoking and its destroying my relationship and i so want it to change but how??

I am beginning to really see the idols of my heart but changing them is so darn hard.

(Eze 14:7)  For every one of the house of Israel, or of the stranger who lives in Israel, who separates himself from Me and sets up his idols in his heart, and puts the stumbling-block of his iniquity before his face, and comes to a prophet to ask of him concerning Me; I Jehovah will answer him Myself.

I feel as though i am still setting up the idols of my heart, even though i want to desperatly change them.

ive just re-read part 14 of the lake of fire and it has confused me!! ray says:

"And He beheld them, and said, What is this then that is written, The Stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the Head of the corner? Whomsoever shall fall upon that stone shall be broken; but on whomsoever It shall fall, It will GRIND HIM TO POWDER."

When we fall on the Stone (Jesus), we are broken. Or as John tells us in Revelation,

"And I saw one of his heads as it were WOUNDED TO DEATH…" (Rev. 13:3).

Yes, when we fall on Christ we are broken, we are wounded (by the "sword" of God—Rev. 13:14 vs. Heb. 4:12). This is our human attempt at salvation. But then we fall, and our "deadly wound [which we received by the Word of God] was healed" (Rev. 13:3), we went back into the world, back into Babylon, thus leaving our first love. When the wound of the Sword of God’s Word that had slain us, is healed, we fall from the love of God, and we again turn our love to the world from which we came.

But here’s the good news concerning this stone. If we are among the chosen that overcome, then the Stone falls ON US, and our spiritual house built upon the sand comes crashing down. And when Jesus falls on us, He GRINDS US [along with all of our idols of the heart] TO POWDER!


This has confused me. as to where i am right now. I know i am exactly where He wants me to be. But do as i feel i have yet to still leave my first love, does this mean i have to walk away knowing the truth and having faith that He will come back to crush me. But i cant just walk away from God. He is my reason for living through this life. I dont want to leave Him, but if i have to i will in hope that He will come back for me.

I just never thought it would happen while i was a member here. But "Gods thoughts are not my thoughts" He is indeed doing "a strange work". But i do see that this needs to happen to me to reveal the beast in me. That i am the son of perdition but it a hard one to swallow. I may have already answered myself in this but am still yet to see.

May God bless and keep you all.

[Kat]

Hi Danyool,

I so empathize with you young people, as I reflect back on my own youth.  You are in the height of your physical prime of life and it is just the nature of the beast to take advantage of this time when your vigor is the greatest. 

You said, Doing things that i know are wrong but physically cannot will myself t change it. I can mentally think it but it doesnt stop me. Ive started drinking alot over the last 4 weeks along with my smoking and its destroying my relationship.
I do believe this is the beast raising it's ugly head.
And you said, i so want it to change but how?? 
This is good that you see your faults and want to change.  As long as you have that attitude you should continue to move forward in your spiritual growth.  Here are a couple of emails that might help.

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,4098.0.html ----------

It is GOOD that we should feel embarrassed over our sins. My past sins are an embarrassment to me when I from time to time think about them. If they were NOT an embarrassment to me, I might still be committing these same stupid and lustful acts.  Embarrassment and guilt are good for us. These feelings first make us realize that these things are lustful, and wrong, and stupid.  But we will not have victory over them unless and until God reveals to us their real purpose and need to get rid of them.

Where did the mechanism by which Eve:  "saw that the tree was GOOD FOR FOOD, and that it was PLEASANT TO THE EYES, and a tree to be desired to MAKE ONE WISE..." come from in the first place?  Did SHE create these desires in her heart and mind and soul?  Get real--SHE HAD NOT A CLUE!  God created humanity in the spiritually weakened state in which we find ourselves, but there is a great and grand reason and purpose for it.

There is a "SPIRITUAL GREATNESS" that is achieved by the conquering of illegal pulls [spiritually 'illegal'] of the flesh and the stupid sensual lust for self-gratification.  These things are not good, in and by themselves, as modern psychologists might try to convince us, but they do serve a good purpose when they embarrass us and make us feel guilty. Embarrassment and guilt are the precursors to REPENTANCE.

We must come to the place in our lives where we not only desire to obey the laws of the land, the powers ordained by God to somewhat limit the evils of society, but to also obey the Laws of GOD.  We want and desire to do what God says, not because we have figured out all the logical logistics of His commandments, but because we desire to OBEY HIM REGARDLESS of how well we understand all the reasons why God tells us to do and not do certain things.

Christians will argue;  "Well I don't see the harm in teaching my little ones about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny."  Of course they don't. To their carnal minds the commandment of God to "Learn NOT THE WAY OF THE HEATHEN" has little or no effect on their attempt to worship God as they please.

When you see the "SIN in sin" and start to hate sin as God hates sin, then and only then will you make progress in eliminating these things in your life. Of course, you know, when I say such things it means that God is bringing this about in your thinking and God is enabling you to have to the power to actually conquer these pulls of the flesh.  All we who have had a measure of success in victory over sin to the point that sin "no longer has DOMINION over us" (Rom. 6:8-19), desired to be free from sin LONG BEFORE IT EVER ACTUALLY CAME ABOUT! I believe that most of my readers will say "A-men" to that!

Be patient and do not stop crying out to God for deliverance, for in time God will grant you the fruit of righteousness.

God be with you,
Ray

http://www.forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,2465.0.html --------

Yours is a common frustration. Many write me with similar struggles
with the flesh after coming into a knowledge of the Truth. I did the
same. I left my First Love and went back into the world, all the while
knowing that I couldn't conquor my flesh. I was so happy for what I
'preceived to be "greasy grace."  Thank God for grace, because I knew
I wasn't going to be saved without it.
I still believe that that part of it is true (about saved by grace only), but
I also know that it is possible when God gets ready, to conquor your
major sins so that sin no longer "reigns over you."  You will not be totally
perfect and mature, but you will not be giving into every pull of the flesh,
for sexual gratification, lust for money, power, good looks, eternal youth,
perfect health, interesting job, travel and excitement, etc., etc., etc.  You
will learn to enjoy the simple pleasure of life like, breathing, sleeping,
walking, talking to your wife, eating a pizza, and going to bed early on a
Saturday night.
God will make you really WANT to stop sinning, long before you will
ACTUALLY stop sinning. It's part of the struggle; part of the good
fight of faith; part of overcoming the flesh.  Don't become discouraged, as
God WILL SEE YOUR THROUGH!
 
God be with you,
Ray

[KristaD]

My situation was so EXACTLY like yours. I was called by God before I got into church and I was never really "in the system". I attended church for a few weeks before He called me out of that as well. Everything was great for a few months and then all of the sudden it was like He left me with my flesh and I could not control it. I knew, like you do now, that the things I wanted were wrong but I could not control all of my urges. I still prayed crying out to Him for help and not to let me go back to where He saved me from. It was probably a year before I felt like He came back to me. I know now that He NEVER left me, He was there leading me through all of it and guiding to a better place. You can NOT walk or run away from God because He will be with you. He is with you now, still working in you. This is part of the process and He WILL give you the strength to overcome your sin, but it's not an overnight process, it takes time. Keep crying out to Him and be honest with Him and yourself about your feelings, trust me He doesn't hold a grudge if you scream and throw a fit and the clearest answers I received from Him came when I held nothing back and let it all out. What you are going through is ok and even though it feels like you are falling deeper and deeper into a hole He is holding on to you and He will slowly pull you out on the other side where you are NOT a slave to your sin. Praying for you, brother.

[Roy Monis]

Hi! Danyool

I can identify with you brother and can only repeat what I posted a few days back, here is a copy:   

Hi! Heidi

I'll give you a sure winner, if you promise not to laugh at me as I did when this cure was given to me. Believe me when I say I laughed because I not only laughed but was convulsed. It's ever so simple just five little words and all your troubles are all over. I have recorded this elsewhere on this forum, so I'll not bore you with the whole story. Suffice it to say that I was a chain smoker, 20/30 a day maybe more and a pipe for good measure. I wheezed with every breath I took and frequently fell unconscious due to not being able to catch my breath.

T was given 6 months to live and I'm talking 35/40 years ago. I prayed, I can't say to whom because I was an unbeliever then, but everyone else prayed in such situations so I prayed. Then we got a visitor, a Babylonian believer but a believer nonetheless, while I was having one of my passing out phases and when I recovered it was he who gave me this advice. Now I'm going to tell you what he said and I hold you to your promise, because it sounds ridiculous. Ridiculous or not this is it and it's the truth.

"LORD JESUS PLEASE HELP ME!" The visitor had long since gone when a few days later I had a repeat performance and as I came round those 5 simple little words were on my lips. No ill effects, no substitutes, no medication nothing just my God and me. There is no partiality with God, you are a believer at this moment in time, and so am I now but I wasn't then. I am nothing special, so I believe that what He has done for me He can and will do for you or anyone else who truly believes in Him.

That is the medication I send you with love from the greatest physician that graced this earth. I tried to help heavy smokers belonging to Babylon but they put it down to my strong will power. How little they knew of me, my will power wouldn't win an argument with a two year old child. I'm too soft and too sensitive to possess any will power, if there be such a thing then I haven't got it. It is all of God.

It worked for me brother immediately and I am confident that it will for you and Heidi as well. I'll be praying for both of you. In whatever situation, keep your faith in Christ and don't let go of hope that is what we live by.

God bless you brother in our joint walk in Christ.

Love in Christ Jesus.

[OBrenda]

Hi Danyool

In my experience, Kat is right on the mark about being young:
I so empathize with you young people, as I reflect back on my own youth.  You are in the height of your physical prime of life and it is just the nature of the beast to take advantage of this time when your vigor is the greatest.

As you get older most of us learn in different degrees, that we are pretty much powerless in our efforts to help those around us, and then our physical body that we've trusted also lets us down.  You have a jump start in that you already recognize that there are other forces at work in your life besides your own will. 

I've encountered a "mirror" several times when God shows me error/idols in my beliefs and lifestyle.  It's not enjoyable and stings quite a bit. Some Sins like selfishness an being judgemental are very tricky ones to see in ourselves, and oh so loud and clear in others.    I doubt this annoying yet liberating process will end in this life.

When I experienced seeing the beast in me, I had been out of the Church for about 8 years.  I had no doubt that what was being taught there was Insanity!  I did in those years stray quite a bit although I never stopped Believing in God.  I just didn't believe in their "God"!   

Shortly after finding BT, I looked back at my life and recognized evil working through me, that I was completely blind and ignorant of.  I actually physically felt and sensed a separation in side of me.  I don't personally understand it entirely as yet.  For me it was different than recognizing a Sin like an addiction or a character flaw.  I became aware of an (agenda of evil) that operated through me, but was not really me.

I hope I didn't add more confussion to your struggle by sharing my 2 cents! 

I was listening to one of Rays audios last night where he talks about "Willful Sinning"  I trust you will be as blessed by it as I was.....
 
March 2008 Bible Study Can We Lose God's Spirit and Eonian Life?
http://bible-truths.com/audio/Bible Study 03-02-08 Pt_1.mp3
http://bible-truths.com/audio/Bible Study 03-02-08 Pt_2.mp3


In closing like KristaD & Roy UK encouraged you so well, your in good company in your struggle.
It is not a strange thing just very unpleasant.  Don't give up!
"LORD JESUS PLEASE HELP ME!" ......'LORD JESUS PLEASE HELP US ALL!"
 

[lorrie]

Hi Danyool!I agree that Kat has hit the nail on the head.I want to encourage you though to not give up!You are being brought kicking and screaming to the end of yourself i know i went through the same expierence i started to hate what i was doing and had no will to stop-finally i realised i had to hate what i was doing as if it was my ENEMY then i stopped.Our father will make you stop when he sees you are ready.And i wasnt young when this happened.
Hang in there brother! Peace and grace of our Father be yours.

[Robin]

 "I dont want to leave Him, but if i have to i will in hope that He will come back for me."

1 O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.
 2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 4 Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 5 You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

 7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 10 even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

 13 For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

 15 My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

 18 Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

There is no where to go to leave God. He is always where you are. It sounds to me like you are already seeing the Beast. It is that carnal part of you that you want crushed to powder. It is also that carnal part of you who wants to do something to fix it yourself.

Romans 7
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am!

Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

The more I struggle to free myself the tighter the grip. I am very stubborn and I struggle until I give up on each carnal part of me that God brings to the surface and reveals to me. It is a fight to the death. Only God can bring us to repentance and He always wins. It is a process. I can kick and fight to speed it up, but that doesn't change anything. I can't stand sitting in sin. It always ends up with me on my knees telling God that this is who I am and I can't change it. I can't even bring myself to a place of rest. I can't slay the beast. I surrender to you. Please complete your work in me.

Hebrews 10:
21And having an high priest over the house of God;
22Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.
23Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

[OBrenda]

Cha-Ching M.G.
What a beautiful Post for Danyool
I got Blessed also.....

[Roy Monis]

Hi! M.G.

Excellent post brother, I'm blessed by it as well.

God bless you brother in our joint walk in Christ. 

Love in Christ Jesus.

Roy UK     

[lorrie]

I see in my post that it reads like i am perfect i did not mean THAT. i am still at war with many things inside of me, such as trying to fix my problem of being unemployable and impatient,.. i was refering to the the obvious things like smoking -drinking etc.

 I too was blessed by M.G s post.Thank you!