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corrupt in the flesh....

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danaman1:
well today I fell....and in a way that is common to to humankind.....I sinned.....I am still very carnally minded.....despite 18 years of "churchianity" and rituals lol which will never change me from the inside out. Repentance......I will be repenting for the rest of my life I know for sure.....I was washed and forgiven covered by his Grace at his death and resurrection.....the process of making me into his image is taking place (goldsmith) ....I get frustrated when I knowingly and willfully almost wantonly sin.... masturbation....lust...pornography....on line websites make it so easy for me to fall using pictures, stories, videos to which my flesh craves......even when I had not these things still the sin was in my heart......on my mind.....in my fantasies......I have not the power to master my sin as it crouches at the door eager to devour me.....(cuckoldry, feminizing, sissy, emasculation) types of my sin....mind you I am a virgin about to turn 40 as well......
For this reason I feel though God called me....and I know few are chosen.....I cannot possibly be of his elect.....this is not just a humble statement of me saying I am not worthy.....true repentance comes from within....and not by obeying and or trying to make myself better.....I will admit there have been a lot of changes within me that I cannot take credit for.....I smoked for 10 years from the age of 11-21 and I prayed that God would help me....for I confessed that I did not have the power to stop.....nor did I even want to....for I liked smoking.....but it was an addiction and I craved it from the flesh....but one might say well I crave food too, or sex, or this, or that, or whatever.....some of are benefit while others are for pleasure....but ALL have a purpose.....and a time.......although you would be hard pressed to get me to see the purpose of smoking or drug use.....yet those too are caused or allowed by our creator.....so ultimately his will......the desires of my life are put there by the Father....."some for noble purpose, and some for ignoble"......God created Satan.......Pharaoh......Caesar......Ivan the "terrible".....Hitler.....Osama Bin Laden.....Dana Hayes......L. Ray Smith......Saul......Judas.....and you!
mind you I feel bad when these things I do......but worldly sorrow leads to death while Godly sorrow leads to repentance.....at the very least my conscience is not seared....yet I am carnal.....I know the truth and still don't do what Christ says.....not just in this area....but this one gnaws at me enough to shame me.....and know that I cannot be elect.....hmmm I guess I need to forgive myself.....but how do I stop that which I don't even like yet continue to do of the flesh???

In Christ's love,
D. Patric Hayes

Stevernator:
Hi Danaman,
With the instantaneous nature of the internet us men especially are susceptible to temptation. However we know that its not okay to sin because it is an insult to God.

It can be easy and is dangerous to get caught in a cycle of guilt for sinning and then resorting to sin to escape feeling unworthy. Consider this,

10For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
James Ch. 2

We have all been guilty of all.

15For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

 16If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

 17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

 18For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

 19For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

 20Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

 Rom 7

The Bible says we are all guilty of all and Paul says he has no good in his flesh. Yet Jesus came to save the lost. If we say we are too unworthy then its as if we are doubting God's grace. I believe we must come to the point where we realize apart from Christ we are wretched, lost sinners. But also we must trust God at His word about his agape love and forgiveness for all of us. If we continue in sin then maybe its the result of the stubborn refusal to trust in God's grace.

12Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
James ch 1

Forgive me if my thoughts are not organized. It might seem hopeless now but imagine how you will feel after 3 days, a week, a month etc... of being clean from extreme lust.  And the longer you stay free from this stuff, the easier it will get to stay that way.

But I want to convey that once we realize our identity with Christ that its easier to realize that you are forgiven. Afterall,

7For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
9Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
Rom 5:7-9

As for one of the things you said, I would like to counter with "who could have imagined that a coldhearted torturer of Christ's followers would be an elect?" So don't give up. Just be honest and humble with God in prayer and "ask and you shall receive".

Also try reading Ray's transcript on repentance if you haven't already.

God bless, I hope to hear some day of your success in mortifying the deeds of the flesh.

Your bro in Christ
-Steve
PS I too struggle sometimes in this area and I know its not easy. I am ashamed of some of the things I have done.


Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

KristaD:
First He shows us our sin, then He gives us the desire not to sin, then He allows us to see that we CAN NOT stop sinning, then He gives us the strength to overcome our sin one sin at a time over and over until they are all gone. This is not a short or simple process by any means, it takes years. You are being truly humbled in what you are doing that is beyond your control and that is EXACTLY His purpose for it. He will pull you up out of that sin and all of the others eventually. Paul said that he was the chief of sinners and I have no doubt that he is one of the elect. I agree with Stevernator, the guilt is a vicious cycle, do not let satan use your sin to separate you from God. When you stumble you have to cry out to Him to change you and most of all THANK HIM because He has already FORGIVEN YOU for it. He will only let this go on as long as it needs to, do not be discouraged.

Dave in Tenn:
Hi again.  You are aware, I'm sure, that AL Gore invented the internet so man would have easier access to porn, aren't you?   ;D

I hope you know that God is not finished with you yet!  What you have been and are is not what you will be.

Luk 5:32  (ISV)  I have not come to call righteous people, but sinners, to repentance.

Luk 14:21  (ISV)  "So the servant went back and reported this to his master. Then the master of the house became angry and told his servant, 'Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring back the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.'
 

You may not be old enough to remember Nancy Reagan and her 'just say no' statement regarding kids and drugs.  A lot of people made fun of her...I did too.  How can you simplify a solution to a problem that has so many strands of difficulty to over come, from social, to genetics, to psychology, to physiology?  Well, poor Nancy actually had the germ of the right idea.  What is 'denying self' if not saying 'NO'.  Isn't taking up the cross and dying to self the ultimate NO?

Brother, clear your cache, dump those bookmarks.  This will lessen the easiness of the occasion to sin.  Spend every available moment in the Word renewing your mind.  You may find some things beginning to fade away.

2Co 5:14  (ISV)  The love of Christ controls us, for we are convinced of this: that one person died for all people; therefore, all people have died.

Lastly, from your testimony, check this out:  Though I can't find the scripture (and forgive me if it doesn't exist), it has been the grace of God which has kept you from sinning more than you have.  Trust that same Grace to love, chasten, and/or scourge you to put the very Mind of Christ in you.

Brother, I NEED this as much as you do.  So I will pray and covet your prayers as well.




 


 

danaman1:
yes thank you for your support all of you.....I indeed am NOT in control.....yet I long for this to pass.....I am wondering what will be the next "thorn" in my flesh.....or maybe this too will be like Paul's which God allowed to remain to show him his grace is sufficient for him, and the humility which stops all boasting of the flesh.....lust certainly keeps me humble.....but I hate this!!! LOL why cant my stumbling block be something like um idk, well I cant think of anything that I want to struggle with but overcoming this hurdle would allow me to focus on what I see as spiritual meat and not babies milk.....does that make any sense?
Past:
Well at the age of 11 or 12 I was molested by one of my brother's whom I found out later was molested by yet another older brother(some of this shaped my view of sexuality and women....wanting them to control me, dominate, humiliate, and emasculate me etc.) and this was more then likely the biggest influence over my thoughts and fantasies still today.....
Lets see I went to college for a year studying electromechanical engineering(joined the Cincinnati Church of Christ, got baptized Jan. 28Th 1990, during the superbowl LOL: funny part is I love football, yet the 49er's were playing the Broncos....a year early the Bengals my home team lost to the niners the year before, so I was mad enough not to watch it anyway)....started working in warehouses and restaurants....then tried to take my own life at 25 I suffered major depression for 4 years(25-29).....not going out of the house or taking a shower and staying with my family, who for the life of me I have no Idea how they endured me at that time....destroying my tibia bone soon after as I began to piece back my life....my bone was  shattered and turned to "dust" the Doctor told me who operated and put screws and coral back where the bone had been in my right leg under the knee.....physical therapy for a few months to learn to walk again....wheelchair, walker, cane and now I have a noticeable limp and my leg will not straighten out, but there is no pain....the Dr. promised me arthritis in my future and when the pain and pressure gets to be too much he says he will fuse it stiff LOL.....meaning I would be like a peg leg I suppose not being able to bend the knee to relieve pressure....and said I would never run again and be lucky to walk.....well by the Grace of God I can not only walk, but I can run....though just like a white man(slow) being as I am 39 and not a professional athlete this is not all that important however(LOL I know God too was breaking me for he knew what still had to be done.....Losing the love of my life(at 31) a woman whom I wanted to marry(the church was counseling us on our relationship and helping with this process), then a close friend of mine passing away....my dad, uncle as well around that same time....then I bought a house 2002 and was working 2 jobs making 50K a year then lost both jobs....home foreclosed(2005)....new car reposed....piling up debt....losing everything I had moving in with some friends for a while til I got a Job with stability where I could get an apt. and start over....sold my Guitar!!!!.....so broke now that I cant even file for bankruptcy LOL ....things to me seemed not fair yet I knew God was and is in control of all that happen .....
Presently:
I live a simple live(I don't make much money, few friends, no exotic tastes really) but I tell myself all the time that I live like a king.....I know in America things are not rough for me....for fun I play video games (madden football, Grand turismo final fantasy, on line), listen to music(anything guitar driven) blues, rock, classic rock, some metal, jazz, classical(I used to play the guitar from the age of 16-25 like a madman).
Now I have a beat up old car, two cats (spot and klingon).....I work with MRDD men in a group home....8 men in all.....I enjoy the job as I feel I make a difference where others "work" with these guys....I interact....love and help to meet their needs so as to make their live a joy......they cant communicate so well with me.....yet I talk to them all the time.....and I tell them that they will be able to talk and we will be together in a better place......and I tell them I love them. They range from 35-57 in age.....and lived most of their lives in an institution til about 20 years ago. Well I digress
But.....anyway
God truly is in control
I will pray and beg him to take what I have no control over away.....
to do his will in my life.....
refining me as gold or silver is, and will always be his goal into the image of his Son!

In Christ's love....
D. Patric Hayes

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