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[firefly77]

Dear Forum Members:
This one is hard for me and humbling at the same time; as a native German living in the US since 1976, I am used to being self-sufficient and carrying my load that is assigned to me (even if kills me  ). So here I am asking for prayer because I cannot seem to manage the circumstances I am presently going through. If I would explain every detail, it might as well be a book with several chapters... May it suffice to say, I have no family in this country other than my son who lives in the same city but away from home. Some of my dearest friends always ended up being in my life only for a short season... The loneliness and desire to be connected to someone and have a sense of belonging are seemingly illusive and unobtainable to me. I am trying to make some sense of my circumstances and have some purpose/vision again in my life, but for what and who? I get lonely for my blood relatives in Germany, yet leaving the US would be hard since I'd have to leave my son behind and also reapply for German citizenship again. Because my parents left me when I was still very small and some of my dearest friends were seemingly taken out of my life, I am finding it hard to trust God with any relationships I have or might have... As of late there is this real sense of anticipated loss that makes it hard to trust God and people.
I am not sure I am making any sense, I just know that I want/need some answers and a sense of hope again. 
Thank you for your prayers.
Angie

[OBrenda]

Hi Angie,

Sometimes the details differ, but I can relate to feeling lost and undecided about things.  Family & Friends are a blessing, but at times can be a distraction and just as difficult as being alone.  It seems God causes us always to find ourselves in need of him.  You can have many around you, and still feel alone.  These are those moments when the creature cries out & longs for "That Day".  The world is losing it's pull and charm.  We want to sit upon our Fathers lap and rest our head on the bosom of Jesus.

In Him You Will Find Comfort,
Praying for you,
Brenda

[Dave in Tenn]

Couldn't give you more good counsel than Brenda did.  I'm somewhat isolated myself, and not completely by choice.  And I know if has to be more difficult being ex-pat.

I'm not trying to fix you, but it may be that the Lord is preparing a way for you to escape this trial.  I think we are more apt to recieve a blessing when we are being one, so I encourage you to not sink inward, but to keep looking out for ways to reach out.

[firefly77]

Thanks Brenda and Dave.
I appreciate you kind words to me... Just knowing there are people out there reading and responding to my request for prayer helps more than you will ever know. I hang on to Psalm 30:5... "For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning."
God bless you,
Angie

[Beloved]

Well all that I can add is that you are not alone with feeling lonely....there are a lot of people here in similiar situations.

I have no family and have been on my own since 6 yrs of age. I have had many people in my lives but when they are not blood relatives the relationship is usually conditional. from what I have seen over the years, even some blood relationship can be that too.

At this time in my life I know that am not alone because I know that Christ is in me, he is changing me slowly.  I now see my state as advantagious because I am less uncumbered than most.  Each person I meet becomes a mystery, the me part of me is less important and I am beginning to learn and care more about the "other".

It may not matter where you are, here or in Germany..whatever God's will for you ...it will happen. God is going to direct you.  The good thing is that where ever you are, the internet makes communication with you easier.

Beloved

[firefly77]

Well all that I can add is that you are not alone with feeling lonely....there are a lot of people here in similiar situations.

I have no family and have been on my own since 6 yrs of age. I have had many people in my lives but when they are not blood relatives the relationship is usually conditional. from what I have seen over the years, even some blood relationship can be that too.

At this time in my life I know that am not alone because I know that Christ is in me, he is changing me slowly.  I now see my state as advantagious because I am less uncumbered than most.  Each person I meet becomes a mystery, the me part of me is less important and I am beginning to learn and care more about the "other".

It may not matter where you are, here or in Germany..whatever God's will for you ...it will happen. God is going to direct you.  The good thing is that where ever you are, the internet makes communication with you easier.

Beloved

Beloved,
Thank you for your response... This gives me hope knowing that I am not "alone" having been left by significant other people in my life that swore allegiance (I will never leave you nor forsake you), but in the end the "price" was always higher than they were willing to pay. My parents were very young, my mom 16 and my dad 21... they were never married. My mom ended up marrying a guy when she was 19, whose very religious Catholic parents did not approve of me being part of their holy home, so my mom left me at my grandparents, moved to a different city and never looked back until I turned 18... All of a sudden my mother wanted to parade me around...
I left Germany when I was 24, to basically leave all my heartache behind... Unfortunately, the invisible baggage comes right along with you.
The men I was married to enjoyed fooling around with other women, so none of those marriages worked out. I have a tendency to pick men who cannot be faithful or committed to just one partner. I always wondered if I am trying to relieve what my mother and dad had done to me...
These are some of the things that are coming to the surface now and cause some of the heartache I am experiencing. I even find God aloof and distant at times; it's nuts.
Nevertheless, all of this gives one a capacity of great empathy for people and animals alike. I have 2 dogs I have adopted because their owners did not want them anymore; I love them both dearly. I shall post some pictures of my "family" in the next few days. Thanks again for your post
Grace & Peace,
Angie

[Robin]

Hi Angie,

I am your age and live alone with my cat. God spent 5 years with me bringing all my childhood trauma to the surface and healed so much of it. I haven't felt lonely since then. It sounds like we have a lot in common. I can't say that I'm happy, but I am content now being alone. My life and beliefs changed so much that I left my old friends behind and haven't had much luck making new friends. I'm not ready to hang out at the senior center.

You're not alone with what you are going through.

Hugs,
MG

[iris]

Hi Angie,

Sometimes the details differ, but I can relate to feeling lost and undecided about things.  Family & Friends are a blessing, but at times can be a distraction and just as difficult as being alone.  It seems God causes us always to find ourselves in need of him.  You can have many around you, and still feel alone.  These are those moments when the creature cries out & longs for "That Day".  The world is losing it's pull and charm.  We want to sit upon our Fathers lap and rest our head on the bosom of Jesus.

In Him You Will Find Comfort,
Praying for you,
Brenda

Brenda sums it up well.
You will be in my prayers Angie.


Iris

[firefly77]

I just wanted to thank everyone who is praying for me... There is this "calm and peace" I am experiencing now...

MG, It's good to know that we seem to be in the same "boat"... I tried the Senior Center, but either I am in severe denial or still have too much spunk to feel comfortable there. Ask me again 5 years from now 

Thanks again for your prayers.

Grace & Peace,
Angie

[Beloved]

I see you are in Washington, state. have you said hello to the new members in Seattle. They have a delicious looking avatar. Perhaps you can study together some time... you never know they may have friends to introduce you to..

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,8209.0.html

I have friends, mostly couples that I hang out with. I really enjoy having a few people to study with in person, though the internet makes it easy to get to know someone.

You girls are too young for senior citizen stuff.......

beloved

[Heidi]

Angie, I want to encourage you to know in your hear that you have a family now.  We may all be on the net, but better brothers and sisters you will never get.  We all have the ability to feel lonely, even in a room full of people....please know that what you carry inside your heart is more valuable than anything this world can offer.

I will pray for you.

Love
Heidi

[Samson]

Good Morning Angie,

                            It was nice to be able to chat with you on the phone, last Saturday. I told my wife that we have to remember the time differential, your three hours behind us. We will keep in touch.

                                       Kind Regards, Samson.

[firefly77]

Once again, thank you so much for your support and for your prayers. i woke up this morning with a completely different mind set; I have hope again. There is a peace in my heart that I cannot even adequately describe. If anyone of you ever took a tranquilizers for extreme anxiety or PTSD, you know what I am talking about. Except this one doesn't cause one to be addicted nor does it have any of the bad side effects. It is like Jesus said to the storm, "Peace. be still!" There is even a positive change in my set of circumstances that I had just considered a total loss a few days ago if God so wills. Thank you for being my spiritual family  !

Grace & Peace,
Angie

[gmik]

Just reading this post today.  It is beautiful to read your responses Angie, how God is answering, and how things are "different".

 After spending a few days w/ blood relatives at my mom's funeral, I can tell you, this forum family IS VERY special!!!!!  Blood relatives that don't believe anything or especially as we do, well, the fellowship stays very superficial.

Example conversation: Hi (hug) good to see you.  How are you doing?  Great.  How's the kids?  Good.  OK, well, I see cousin so and so over there so I will go say hi.  Repeat above conversation.  Well, maybe the older ones will tell you about their sickness and ailments including showing scars!

Love God, Trust Him, Fellowship with us.  God Bless you dear Angie and you will be in my thoughts and prayers!!