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[Marlene]

Hello, My Mother is 87. She was a wonderful Mother to our family. She lived with my Father  who was abusive at times with her and had affairs on her. She belives in God she says. She has battled with not being able to let go of her past. She thinks from all of this she is not important to anyone or God. Pray for her she needs healthy thoughts of herself. Plus, I grew up in this and she cannot quit telling me eveything he did do her. When, I was small I always went out to my swing and talked to him. I latter lost my first love by not always trusting him through storms. He has led me through so many storms and I have had many falls butr many victories. I tried to talk to her about going to God . She says she doesnt see it my way. I however, cannot deal with hearing those things about my father. He changed and became a wonderful father to us. She can't let go and this pains me, not for myself but for her. Also, it hurt to hear those things and feels like persecution. I try to lovingly help her, but I can't. It is very painful to hear her thoughts about my Father come out her mouth. Just pray god help her. Also, pray he helps me. My health is not really good as it is. I just covet your prayers. I need them.  She needs, Gods help I cant give her the victory.
In Christ Love, I value all of you.
Marlene

[OBrenda]

Marlene,

I am familiar with your pain, and will most certainly pray for you & your Mom.
Be Blessed,
Brenda

 

[Samson]

Marlene,

             Sorry about your Dear Mother and her not being able to let go of her past undesirable experiences, all of us are haunted by our pasts to some degree, IMHO. Apparently, she feels deeply about life and seems to care, my prayers go out to you and your family.

                               In God's Love and Care, Samson.

[hillsbororiver]

Hi Marlene,

I have seen this with other elderly folks especially after one of the spouses passes away, things are dredged up from the past like they happened yesterday and it becomes incessant, I can't explain why it is so, perhaps too many years of holding things inside and/or a new sense of abandonment after the spouse dies or it could be something else.......

It is not easy to bear this burdon it taxes our physical and mental health to be subjected to a barrage of negativity toward a loved one even an imperfect (as we all are) loved one.

Do you ever read the bible with your Mother? Would she go for it? Maybe finding and sharing some verses and chapters on forgiveness and God's mercy could help you both through this difficult period.

His Peace to you, you are both in my prayers,

Joe

[gmik]

Hi Marlene.  Yes, I will remember you and your mom.

  May I speak freely???  Maybe she has some Alzheimer going on and can't help herself.  My mom would speak about the past as tho it were yesterday. And say things over and over... She would harp on things and get down right mean to her husband. Alzheimers starts so slowly that usually you don't "see" it till they get really bad, then you look back and remember "Ah, thats why she was saying those things".

[Beloved]

My prayers will go out for you and her.

I agree with Joe, like most elderly she is having no trouble with her long term memory. She needs to let God be the judge not her. He will right all the wrong.

beloved

[Marlene]

Hello, I appreciate the prayers. My mother has a very good memory. She has been blessed with very good health. Has some a-fib but controlled. She has bad memory some, but she misses organized church. She never was as involved in church like we were. She is kind of hard of hearing so when she went to church she misunderstood things. But, she said she never felt there was a hell. She said, she never would want my father in hell cause she loved him. To me she is the best mother in the world and taught me many values and so did my father. Her memories of him were not dealt with because my father was disabled and she became the bread winner. She was kept busy and now she is thinking about it. Before, she never had the time. I just want her to have peace from this, but then I have to remember its in gods timing not mine. It is hard on me to hear things even before I was born. I have asked her to read the Bible and Pray. She tells me she doesn't want to. All, I can do is wait on God. But, I am so gratefull for you all.
Love,
Marlene

[iris]

Hi Marlene,

You and your Mother will be in my prayers.


Iris

[mharrell08]

Hello Marlene,

You and your family will be in my prayers as well. Hope it gets better for you all soon.


Marques

[Imabeliever]

I will do the best thing I can do and that is to pray for God's will to be done with this situation!  God IS in control and has a plan for your mother. Remember, we dont choose God, God chooses us! You are in my prayers! God IS love and hope!

[Kat]

Hi Marlene,

I can understand how hard it would be to hear negatives things about you father, that you would to like to remember him in a positive light.  It seems with resentment negative thoughts come to mind easily.  Does she ever say anything positive about him? 

Perhaps if when she starts to carry on about something negative you could interupt and remind her of something positive you remember.  Or you could ask her about things that you believe would have a positive memory, say her wedding day for instants.  If she changes and starts into saying something negative just say you don't want to hear that right now and continue with a positive memory you have.  Maybe she has lost sight of the good memories and you could jog her memory on a few things.

Sometimes it seems that negativity feeds on itself.  So try to keep her mind on something positive even if it's not about your father.  I think if you just sit and listen to her negative stories it is just providing someone for her to air these griefs to.  So it may help to try and start steering the conversations more to a positive subject.  Hopefully she may start remembering some of the good things.  I will be praying for you and your mother.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[walt123]

i marlene
i was reading all the replies for your mother,and thinking along the the way the story of job,
i quess the hardest thing to do  is listen and let her vent her feeling, i think Kat is on target
in what she said.
perhaps you can do things she loves to do to get her mind off the pain she's going throw,without letting her know,
what your doing,I think it's called reverse psychology.
prayers are with you and your mother.
walt

[Marlene]

Kat and Walt, You have some very good ideas. I have tried to talk about the good memories. Sometimes, she gets really mad at me. I have always praised her for the wonderful Mother she has been and is. But, if I say anything nice about him its like she is jealous. Like she doesn't want to hear. I know definitely  she is having trouble forgiving. She is so unhappy. One night I asked her if I could pray for her and when i went over she pushed my hand away. Another, time I told her when she kept talking about all his bad maybe she needed to take it to God. She said"I don't want to." I guess maybe God will have to bring her to that place where she wants to. My Mother is a very moral person. Actually, I think she sees all the big things as sins. She tells me she is nothing and that is how he made her feel. But, I know he did have some very nice things about him. He even had concern about her living alone when he died. I told her she is valuable to all her children and to God. She told me she would have not gone back to him except she was going to have my sister and her parents were getting old. So, there we see a cause as to why she stayed. That would proof what Ray says, about a cause for choices we make.
Every great now and then she will say she misses him. Then if she hears anyone talk about men cheating on tv she gets to thinking about him. My Mom has always been like Martha. Working, now she is not able she is 87. Now, she has time to think. If, you would see her face you would know carrying all those thoughts are hurting her inside. All, I can say is its in his hands. Keep me in your Prayers. I have always been the child to want to fix things for people. She would even call me while they were fighting. My husband felt bad for me, cause he knew I hate to fight. I am the youngest, and my father always told me I was strong. But, for the most part of my life god has been my strength. He is all I have. I just want you all to keep me in your Prayers, because of yet she is still very unhappy.
In His Love,
Marlene
P.S. I guess this is part of my trials. But, now I have learned I can't be the savior for people with problems.

[aqrinc]

Marlene,

My Prayers have been said for you and mother.

Can we do less than he asks us to do (Love one another).

Luke 6:27:
But I say to you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,

Luke 6:32:
For if you love them which love you, what thank have you? for sinners also love those that love them.

Romans 5:8:
But God commends his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Just some very powerful Scriptures to ponder.

In Love Sister,

George.

[Marlene]

Hello, Thanks George they were very powerful scriptures.

In His Love
Marlene