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Author Topic: Hatred  (Read 8133 times)

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Daddysgirl

  • Guest
Hatred
« on: October 23, 2008, 05:55:26 AM »

Hi all

I need your help. I have been fighting for months to forgive this one person. i finally thought i had, then this. maybe i shouldnt even go into details- they are far too depressing. But yesterday i had another encounter which made me realize that i still have a lot anger and despice and hatred toward this person.

I have never been able to hate any one person no matter what they did to me. I know with no linger of doubt that God is in control- i also believe that this person is doing what was predestined for him to do, I believe God and I know that i can of myself do nothing to get rid of this. I have tried and i cannot forgive him. I cannot even look him in the eye without wanting to spit out! i cry just thinking about how i am allowing this insignificant person(at least to me) to hinder my walk with God. How do i let it go inspite of all that he's continuing to do? How?
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Heidi

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2008, 07:12:36 AM »

I once had a similar situation but with another lady.  She really humiliated me in front of my children and caused untold problems in the neighbourhood we lived.  To make a long story short.  I knew that I had to forgive her and believe me some days I would forgive her a 100 times.  This did not feel good at all and I knew that I needed to ask God to help me to forgive her as I was not able to do so of my own self.

He was faithful and because of Him I can now say that I no longer have any ill feelings towards her, instead, complete love knowing that God helped me to forgive her.

Hope this helps.  Just let go and let God.
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kweli

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2008, 08:07:57 AM »

At the risk of being politically-incorrect my comrade (you and I are in SA so you may see the humour), I have to say there's really nothing you can do about it yourself. The more you align yourself to what GOD wants you to do in a certain situation (as hard and unconfortable as it may be), HE will do something about it.

Coincidentally, I had a half an hour conversation with someone I was trying (in my ability) to forgive. We hadn't spoken or seen each other in 2 years. I felt that she cheated on me and tried to ruin my life when I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. What she told me in that half an hour will probably do wonders for my spirituality. I saw so many obvious flaws in me that I couldn't believe I was so in denial. In a way, GOD used the situation to bring out the beast in me who sentences all those who wrong him to the pits of hell. If I did not have my eyes opened to that I'd still hate her, and anybody else who wrongs me (at least subconsciously).

All I'm trying to say, also agreeing with Heidi, is that it is very uncomfortable, possibly unnerving but true that as long as HE isn't done with either you or him then it will not go away. Maybe try to take the least travelled road and 'lose' the battle. Turn the cheek. Forgive him when it's the hardest thing to do. Believe me, it's one of the worst things you'll have to go through but the end result is that peace which surpasses all understanding.

My deep seeded hatred for her almost cost me a good relationship with a great person (maybe it has as I'm still learning to just surrender my puny will to HIM). But the peace, even if I may lose 'the perfect person for me', is really unexplainable (although I will be asking for a lot of prayers should that happen). I dont know what HE has in store for you but I believe HE wants you to succumb to HIM.

Forgive me for preaching but I felt I had to share this with especially you. Trust HIM
« Last Edit: October 23, 2008, 08:14:04 AM by kweli »
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walt123

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2008, 09:19:04 AM »

hello daddysgirl
i understand how you feel, like most of us would,no one could say they like being mistreated
one thing that help me was ,looking at Jesus when he was going to the cross,slapped,spit,punched and the rest, and i couldn't help but think i was the one and all of us who did this to him,yet he said Father forgive them .
if i am wrong in my thinking ,by all means please correct

GOD bless you with forgiveness.
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jennie

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2008, 09:25:40 AM »

All I can say to you is that it will come in time. Rst on the Lord of us all . He made us with flaws and goodness too. He knows your pain. Lay it on His shoulders like you would your Daddy. I am not skilled or intelligent in matters such as this. I just say what I do. Much love to you, Jennie
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firefly77

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2008, 11:29:58 AM »

Daddysgirl,
Forgiveness is often a process for me... I forgive mentally because God has forgiven me so much (how could I do less?); my heart takes a bit longer to "catch up". I think the hardest thing is to separate the "deed" from the person.
Just the other day I found out that a person who had deeply hurt me 11 years ago was going through a very agonizing time himself. I don't want to go into the details, but when I found out how much emotional pain he was in presently, I felt so much love and compassion for him that I wept; that's when I realized that I had truly forgiven him.
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Daddysgirl

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2008, 12:06:18 PM »

Thank you all so much

I have been crying a lot today just thinking about the whole thing. The hardest part being that i might have to see this person more than i'd like to in the future(i really would not like to see him at all). He is the father of my baby, but i really do not consider him one coz he's made little to no effort to be involved in his life. Only does so when he wants to prove a point. The arrangement i'd rather have is that he disappears altogether! i love my son with all that i have(just pray i dont turn him into an idol of the heart, my heart) and i would not want him exposed to this self-absorbed person especially when i myself have enjoyed every benefit of having a "good" man for a father.

This issue is long and i wont get into it but it's so hard to live with this fact in my life.

Again, Thank you


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Rene

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Re: Hatred
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2008, 12:38:37 PM »

What she told me in that half an hour will probably do wonders for my spirituality. I saw so many obvious flaws in me that I couldn't believe I was so in denial. In a way, GOD used the situation to bring out the beast in me who sentences all those who wrong him to the pits of hell. If I did not have my eyes opened to that I'd still hate her, and anybody else who wrongs me (at least subconsciously).



Kweli,

You said a mouthful there.  Thanks for sharing and being so honest.

René


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Marlene

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2008, 01:18:12 PM »

DaddysGirl,

            I tried for years to learn how to forgive people completely. Being hurt is not easy. I am sure having a child with him makes it hard. I know one time I had such hard feelings towards a person I started to hate myself. One night I through myself down and I said, "God I hate myself more then I do this person."
It came that night. But, it always gets harder and harder seems like the people we love the most can hurt us. I also, say Father Forgive Them They Know Not What They Do. I actually, think that can be true. Then I also think of my own flaws. Well, then the Beast shows up and that is not a pretty sight. Just rely on him , I know he will here your cry. I wish I could do or say more, but all I can do is pray for you.

In His Love,
Marlene
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youthfortruth

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2008, 05:05:58 PM »

Hi all

I need your help. I have been fighting for months to forgive this one person. i finally thought i had, then this. maybe i shouldnt even go into details- they are far too depressing. But yesterday i had another encounter which made me realize that i still have a lot anger and despice and hatred toward this person.

I have never been able to hate any one person no matter what they did to me. I know with no linger of doubt that God is in control- i also believe that this person is doing what was predestined for him to do, I believe God and I know that i can of myself do nothing to get rid of this. I have tried and i cannot forgive him. I cannot even look him in the eye without wanting to spit out! i cry just thinking about how i am allowing this insignificant person(at least to me) to hinder my walk with God. How do i let it go inspite of all that he's continuing to do? How?

Daddysgirl,

Hi!

Despite the hard time your going through, I find it very commendable that hate isn't a word in your vocabulary. You made the statement in your post:

        "I have never been able to hate any one person no matter what they did to me."

    That attitude dangles in the minority it seems. In a situation like this, my best advise would be not only forgive him, but make it crystal clear about how he needs to change. I understand that's easier said then done, but lashing out with a clenched fist is by no means the best resort in solving a problem. As Ghandi once said:

 "An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind"

This individual may not listen nor care about you. This individual may think your just a thorn in his side. Yet, when the unexpected arises in life, you must first do the courageous thing regardless of how hard it is. who know? maybe it'll change him in ways one wouldn't imagine

God bless you!!

-Andrew

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you"

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OBrenda

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2008, 06:04:34 PM »

Well nothing I can add to all this great encouragement here!

But DaddysGirl....I'm sending you a Warm Hug anyways,
Brenda
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EKnight

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2008, 08:43:07 PM »

This brings up a question I have had.  I too am harboring hatred toward someone from my past.  But here's the thing, she was never repentant.  If she had profusely apologized for causing the pain and agony that her actions caused, I would have forgiven her. 

My question is this, do we have to forgive someone who is not sorry?  She may be sorry now, but I wouldn't know it. I have not seen her since that time.

Eileen
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OBrenda

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #12 on: October 24, 2008, 10:49:05 AM »

This brings up a question I have had.  I too am harboring hatred toward someone from my past.  But here's the thing, she was never repentant.  If she had profusely apologized for causing the pain and agony that her actions caused, I would have forgiven her. 

My question is this, do we have to forgive someone who is not sorry?  She may be sorry now, but I wouldn't know it. I have not seen her since that time.

Eileen

As difficult as it is ......Yes you must forgive her!

Didn't Jesus forgive us before we asked for forgiveness?

I now look at those that hurt me as a teacher sent by God.  They were caused to be ugly to me that I may learn compassion etc.  As I have been ugly to others also.  Father God...Forgive us our sins, as we forgive others who have sined against us.   Do unto Others, as you would have done unto You.

In Gods hindsight what ever was ugly coming at me from another, was a mirror to myself/Beast.

And most disagreements with people are largely based on theory & assumptions, not on facts.
Haven't you ever done something without any malice, and have some people respond like you slapped them in the face, or just killed their dog? :-\

Oh God what is man that your are Mindful of Us?  ::)
However hurtful she was to you, you have been molded and fashioned more into the image of God by it!
In a funny way, she did you a favor...(But the credit goes to God) ;)

Peace My Sister,
Brenda


« Last Edit: October 24, 2008, 10:52:00 AM by OBrenda »
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musicman

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #13 on: October 24, 2008, 12:03:48 PM »

The easiest thing for me to say is to just forgive this person.  You could say to yourself, he knows not what he does.  Afterall, this is not a permanent condition.  However, I think the problem you are having is that you have to keep seeing this person.  If you didn't, then perhaps it would be much easier to forgive him.  But every time you see or hear from this person, a feeling of revulsion must come over you.  Surely he has wronged you and is not one bit sorry for it.  So, there is a problem.  What can you do about it?

I think that you need to ask yourself why you ever got together with this person.  God is showing you something here.  So it's time for you to truly ask yourself:  Why?  Could you see any resemblance in this person from the past for what he is now?  Can you in good conscience say that you got together with him because you really liked who he was?  What were your motives?  These are things to work out with God.  Be honest with God and yourself.  Perhaps this will lead to some closure. 
« Last Edit: October 24, 2008, 12:04:49 PM by musicman »
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Heidi

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #14 on: October 24, 2008, 06:11:51 PM »

Nicely put Musicman......a lot of practical wisdom in it for you DaddysGirl.

Also.....the fact that your dad has been taken from you is very heartwrenching....I am to a daddysgirl and would hate to loose my dad.  I thank God that He has given me a wonderful dad who loves me and took care of my needs, it made it so much easier to relate to my Heavenly Father because in the physical there was a good relationship with my dad and now that it has become spiritual I can now call Him Abba......I love saying it......Abba.

Maybe thinking about it this way could help you......God can become your Abba.....He cares for you and loves you very much.
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tinknocker

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #15 on: October 27, 2008, 03:20:04 PM »

daddysgirl,

I went through what your going through with a brother-in-law which was a complete jerk to my sister. I won't go into all the details but for a long time I wanted him to suffer greatly. That was 12 years ago this started. During that time I started praying for him 9another close friend sugested I do that). At first I didn't know how to pray for him, I really wanted God to take him (because I knew he was going to hell  ;D)but after a while it changed to "God please restore Him to you." It took awhile, over five years, but what God did was not to restore him but to change me. I saw him yesterday at his daughter's house warming and I realized the hate was gone. It surprised me at first because he is still the same jerk he's always been. I do hope that God does restore him.

So my recommendation is to start praying for him, even if you don't know what to pray, just express your feelings to God and see where He takes you.

Blessings
tinknocker
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winner08

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #16 on: October 30, 2008, 06:43:03 PM »

I had a problem like this. I had to go away for awhile and I had some bad feelings about someone close to me. I hated feeling that way so I ask a good man what should I do? He said pray for them. Ask God to bless them and take care of them do this for 5 nights before you go to sleep. After 5 days it will be good. Of course I said bull I don't think so, It wont work Well What did I have to loose. So I started on Monday and prayed every night for a week and at the end of the week my mind was at ease. I couldn't believe it. I had a whole new attitude towards her. Guess what? tomorrow we will have been married 18yrs.  What a trip.

God is good.

Darren
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OBrenda

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #17 on: October 31, 2008, 12:16:50 PM »

Darren

That is a great testimony!  Happy Anniversary!
 :D :D
Brenda
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winner08

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #18 on: October 31, 2008, 09:42:34 PM »

Thanks brenda,

darren
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Daddysgirl

  • Guest
Re: Hatred
« Reply #19 on: November 28, 2008, 06:00:40 AM »

Hello to all

Today i have a testimony. I don't have words enough to express my gratitude to all of you who prayed with me, but Mostly to God who made a way where there seemed, in my own carnal mind, no way!

The person that i started this thread over came and apologised- long story again but the short version is that he showed remorse(tears and all) and asked for forgiveness and a second chance to be the father he needs to be to our son. Needless to say, i forgave him and have been feeling amazingly lighter at heart. It still hurts to think about what i went through but that is now something else for God to heal- what matters is that i have now totally forgiven him and actually do feel compassion for him as some of you stated.

Once again, Thank you.
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