Hello, I what to say something. It would be two years ago. I was so ill. I have diabetes, high blood preasure. Spinal problems. Fibormalgia. Problems with high levels in my kidneys and arthritis . Well, one time in church I was in so much pain and my sister-in-law told me I needed to get my act together. Wow, this hurt me so bad. I knew my life was not act. I started having an unforgiving spirit about me. I got so ill that I did not go to church for months. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. Anyways, for several weeks I laid in my bed and cried out to God. I knew he was the only one who knew the pain and how ill I felt. He took me through a trusting him time of my life. I said,"God I forgive her because no one can feel what is going on in our body. Only, I can and God. Well, I had been having lots of uti's. My husband was gone to help me with a home base business I have. I told my mother I thought I was getting the flu. She was going to my sisters and she wondered if she should stay home with me. She is 86 and I hated for her to do that. But, God was faithful to me.
I became confused and my neighbor had called me she worked at the hospital. She called the squad. I had a 109 temp. My blood pressure was very low. My sugars were good. But, I was heading for shock. When, they got me in there, my white blood count was so high they could not count it. It took them 48 hours to find a antibiotic to work. I had a blood stream infection that is usually deadly ,expecially with people with health problems like I have. I had a large stroke which they never found till two weeks later. It was huge, but I was left without any paralysis. I do have some forgetfullness, but that could be a combination of things. But, the point I want to get at is all the amazing things he taught me. I never once went unconscious though they said they had never seen that with this when it was that serious. I felt his presence with me. I still cry when I think of all of this. He kept me awake for every minute of it. I said, "Lord I know it is in your control." You will do what you want. I had never ever thought of it like that till then. Well, obviously he took good care of me. I laid for a week on a cooling pad with temp at night aroudnd 107 for three days. I learned of his love for me. Not, because I did not die, but he showed me his power. Also, for sometime I had been doing research about Calvanism and the different religions. I had also, for a long time not believed tithe was right. Well, the church we had been going too, the pastor preached on it alot. He said"He did not know what anyone gave. But, a young couple had left for that reason. My second week back he took the exact amount my husband and I gave and then he said, "If you dont tithe right God might kill you". I had to leave not because I was hurt but because He lied and set himself in the seat of God. I am just trying to show how god can use a threat of death for many purposes. It made me leave. Then, I got thinking about Hell and how he had taken me out of a sin I had fallen into. Someone close to me hurt me and I fail into the same sin. It taught me how to forgive them. I felt like Hell over not forgiving them and even worse I fell into this sin. I felt he could not forgive me. I wanted to die. I could not stand my failure. I wanted to get the burning started. Then I began to hate Hell. He led me to Ray's website. Oh, my I found out I didn't even know him. He is LOVE. He gave me victories I had tried for years to do on my own. He showed me I was powerless.
I am no longer afraid to die. All, I can tell you I think after I had repented of this failure. He led me to truth. I am sure he wanted me to take him serious.
I Love Him now and take him more serious now then I did with my Hell believe.
He has put the desire in me to run the race. I know he is able to bring me to the finish if he chooses. But, I also, know if he doesn't choose that I will still be in the great harvest. Wow, the things this experience took me through. I don't want to die yet for one reason my mother is 88 and she lives with me and she can't bare to see me die. But, as for when he wants me I know he will be with me no matter what it is like.
I don't know if this will help you any, but I wanted to share that he is able to take us through anything. It might never be like we fear. I hope if I was able to help you. But, anyway I am sure he has some purpose for you.
In His Love,
Marlene