2 URGENT dilemna's

[hebrewroots98]

My Family,

Along with the normal pressures and stressors of living a very busy life, I now have two urgent and different situations in which I am currently having to face and I would greatly appreciate your prayers during this trying time.

1-My two adult brothers and their dog are literally DYING from malnutrition as we speak (one was taken by ambulance the other day to the hospital for falling out (malnourished) while attempting to work at roofing (... in exchange for their one bedroom slum apartment that they share.)  I want to help them out by taking them food and some basics since they are too poor to help themselves (they have zero money (till the first of each month when one brother gets only a tiny sum of SS Disability money), no food, personal items, furniture, vehicle etc.. due to the heavy drug lifestyle that they chose to live over the past 30 yrs of their lives...they are in their 40's now and have barely have anything to their names...and no one to help them out except for a church that gives out one free meal on a daily basis and they must walk very far to get there since they are on the outskirts of town and have no vehicle!)  So, my DH (as well as my other siblings) refuse to help these two guys out since "they made their bed, let them lie in it and they have ignored all of our advise in the past."  My senior parents would help if they could, but they are barely making it themselves and yet they want to help and can't.  I do not want to usurp authority over my husband  and disrespect his adamant stance here (he thinks that they guys are still doing drugs),  (all of us have dished out ALOT of money, time, energy, patience, etc...on them in the past with NO THANKS, WITH ONLY DISRESPECT AND HARD TIMES GIVEN TO US BY THEM) but neither can I handle it if they died from me not helping them out.  I feel stuck and do not know what to do here...any thoughts/suggestions?  I am too emotionally involved to see things clearly right now I guess.


2-
2 wks ago I was in a truck crash that TOTALLED my truck (F150 Supercrew Cab...big truck...) as well as (the F-150) truck that the woman who pulled out in front of me was driving; thus I am struggling in different areas  and need some divine intervention here with the following...((we are now at home from the hospital and recovering, thankfully, and are ready to get back into our normal routines again...)
1-my 10 yr old and I both suffered head trauma's...the cat scans showed that all was normal, but I need to feel peace about this particular delicate type of injury...(as well as both of my knees as well as my leg (right above the ankle nearly broke, I have lots of pain and swelling still there.)

Also, the Police officer at the scene of the accident issued a NO FAULT citation/police report to both of us drivers, and clearly it was the fault of the girl whom did not yield while turning on a green light,  when I had the green light (I have been going through this intersection for 28 yrs now without a wreck...) I feel that the girl is lying and that the cop was not willing to put forth the effort to get my side of the story (I was whisked off in the ambulance while the other driver was not even taken to the hopsital), so he spent time with her and then took her word and now I am getting ready this morning to call him and ask him to change the police report since it will make all the difference in me paying my medical and gettin another vehicle bills or not! 

I must go see an attorney tomorrow to see if there is anything that I can do about this police report and it being her fault and not just a NO FAULT ACCIDENT; as well as that my Insurance agent did not do what I asked of him (to change my policy/PIP coverage to a higher amount this last summer,) and how I will be cheated out of what is due me if he doesn't make it right by me; Ugh!!!


thank you so much!
Blessings,
Susan

[Stevernator]

You have my prayers.

[Beloved]

Regarding #1 it sounds like a living parable of the prodigal son, except there are more than one of these

(Luk 15:14)  "Then when he had spent all, a severe famine occurred throughout that country, and _he_ began to be having need.

(Luk 15:15)  "And having gone, he was joined to [or, hired out to] one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him to the farms to be feeding pigs.

(Luk 15:16)  "And he was longing to fill his stomach from the carob pods which the pigs were eating, and no one was giving [anything] to him.

(Luk 15:17)  "But having come to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired workers have an abundance of bread, but _I_ am perishing with hunger!

(Luk 15:18)  'Having risen, I will go to my father and will say to him, "Father, I [have] sinned against heaven and before you,

(Luk 15:19)  and I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired workers."'

Neither of them have reached the "blue" part in the story.

I think you need to show compassion always....7x7x7 x7 to the infinite.

I myself would provide minimal amount of basics to them but always with a note...that there is more if genuine repentance ever comes...

They must be have very stubborn personalities...that even in this bottom of the barrel state they cannot see how bad their choices have been. Perhaps their goal is to continue and blame their family and friends in the end for their ultimate demise.

Regardless of how they act...you show them love

regarding problem #2

Calmly explain the accident to the police officer, explain your situation and concerns. Then accept what happens...even the worse. You can also write to the person and explain what her carless actions caused in your life.

In the end we need to understand that all things work for His Good Will and not ours

In the meantime I will pray that you and others involved will benefit from your actions and faith that Father will provide for all in this circumstance and that He will provide comfort and support to you during these two trials and also I will ernestly pray for repentence for your two brothers.

beloved

[Jackie Lee]

Praying for God's help and intervention.
I have a sister that had a serious meth problem. The girl almost broke me, I said never again will I help her or anyone else that gets themselves in that situation.
God humbled me and I am thankful he changed me.
Only by the grace of God and I could have been in my sisters situation.
If they need food please help them accordingly.

[iris]

Susan, you will be in my prayers.



Iris

[dredroc]

Thinking of you and family and will be praying for you Susan

D

[Marlene]

Susan, I will keep you in my prayers. 

In His Love,
Marlene

[hebrewroots98]

Hello, guys!  I am taking your advice and trying to reason w/ DH about 'loving and doing good to those whom persecute us'... as well as 'feeding the hungry'...I just want his blessings before I go out and do something that he has asked me to not get involved with...but, I cannot just sit back and do nothing; if they died I would feel horrible.  I know that SH just does not want to be an ENABLER like we have done before (which kept my brothers into their drugs...)  I explained to DH everything that you all have stated here and how we could be held accountable (for possibly being too arrogant and how that it could  have happened to us...)  He is listening.  Keep praying b/c I think that it is working.  DH ususally is a very benevolent person, but in this one case he is fed up (after 28 yrs of relentless giving to these guys who are takers...)  and it shows...I think that God is working on his heart too!  I will know something more tomorrow, hoepfully.

thank you all, again!

blessings,
Susan

[gmik]

Oh my dear Susan.  This is indeed a trial you have gone thru- I can't believe you were in such a serious accident.  Praise God you and Daniel are OK.  You have my love and prayers for both incidents.  Thank you for sharing w/ us.

[musicman]

I don't think that I would give them money.  But food is not money.  Nobody is enabling drug users by giving them food. 

Sounds like that girl lied about it being a green light and there were no witnesses.  I'd fight it, but let God help you with your decision.

[hebrewroots98]

Oh Gena, you have always had such a warm place in my heart!  Thank you for your concern and prayers!  We are getting around very well now, thank the Lord!

Hi there Musicman!  You are right about not giving cash, I had learned long ago to never give money to a drug addict.  My DH thinks that providing them with food keeps them from being at their lowest thus then being where they can hear God talking to them?? 

Yes, I will try and fight this vehicle wreck situation. God will open or close my doors for me...BECAUSE HE IS A GENTLEMAN!!!  All that i have to do is to walk through those doors in faith that HE is the one in control!

blessings,
Susan

[hebrewroots98]

OOPS, I sent this out before I was able to thank ALL of you for your prayers!  That means ALOT to me...May God richly bless you for caring for me

In Him,
Susan

[hebrewroots98]

(Wow, I just noticed that I have been on here for 13 days, 13 hours and 13 minutes as of NOW...I know there is a meaning behind this, I'm just not sure what that would be???) 

Well, I just respoke w/ DH and he is furious that I would want to help them after they have taken so much from our home and family after 28 yrs; he thinks that I am asking for troulbe and disrespect and that I am not protecting our family... He says that he would not be a good husband or daddy if he allowed us to sacrifice for these two guys again; he says that he feels that he would be worse than an infadel if he allowed them to interupt our home anymore...they have been unthankful and disrespectful  to us in the past and they only call us when they need something and that he won't help them when they refuse to work and plan for themselves...he still maintains that we would be enabling them again like always before and that they will not learn their lesson if we help them...I just told DH that I do not agree but that in order to keep peace that I would not say anymore about it to him; he is fine with that arrangement.  I told him that I would be very upset if something happened to them though and that he would be resposnible for our family's decision and not me...

[cjwood]

susan,
regarding your brothers (and their dog) i would take them food (doggy too) and know that you are doing what Jesus would do. yes, they have taken advantage of you and your husband, yes they have made horrible decisions in the past (except for the poor dog), but we are called to a higher calling than resentment (which your dear husband is harboring) and that calling be to love your enemies (even if they are also your biological brothers). but i cannot see our Savior turning His back on them when they are so low and expect to not help them til they see what they have done wrong. i don't know if your husband is a believer or not, if he is then he is not following the example of Jesus Christ. if he is not a believer then he will never understand your compassionate heart for your brothers. you say that your husband is usually a benevolent man but in this case he is fed up. i can understand that your husband is frustrated. he is also angry. he is also trying to make you feel guilty that you want to help your brothers and their dog, eventhough you will ONLY being giving them food to eat. if the food you give to them will not be taking food off your table then your husband is being unreasonable. your brothers need help. i don't know where they live but they need intervention. surely there are some city or state organizations that could advise you. please don't let the bitterness your husband is feeling cause you to not do what your heart is urging you to do. you will not be enabling them by feeding them. perhaps they qualify for food stamps. if you turn away from your brothers and their doggy you are not only turning your back on them, you will be turning your back on the love of Christ. that is our example. that is our calling. i will say special prayers for you and your family. regarding the auto accident, i am thankful you and your son are recovering. (God knew your brothers would be needing you) i would do as others have advised you and talk to the officer who was at the scene of the accident and tell him that you did not have an opportunity to tell your side of the story. i cannot believe that any officer would file an accident report without speaking to you first. he could have visited you in the hospital to do so. if he will not listen to you then i would appeal to the his superintendent. susan, please know that i am not asking you to disrespect your husband's decision to not help your brothers anymore, but he is disrespecting your love for your brothers.

love in Christ Jesus,
claudia

[Robin]

Hi Susan,

I will always give my son food, warm clothing, and help him get medical attention if he needs it. That is all I will do when he is drinking. I take the tags off the clothes so he can't take them back. I won't pay his bills. I won't let him live with me. I won't bail him out of jail. I won't pay his tickets or fines. I won't pay his consequences for him. I won't give him cash. I know many people think that's enabling, but what good does it do if you don't enable and they die. I try very hard to keep my distance and stay out of all his drama. It only harms me to get involved because there is nothing I can do to fix it. Being responsible gives him a better chance of getting better.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers.

[Samson]

Hello Susan,

                 Sorry to hear about your recent plight regarding the Automobile accident and
                 your two Adult Brothers. Beloved gave some Scriptural sound advice. Also, I
                 would like to add this Passage: " But take your stand solid in the faith, knowing
                 that the same things in the way of sufferings are being accomplished in the entire
                 association of Brothers in the World. But after you have suffered a little while, the
                 God of all Grace who called you to his age-lasting glory in Christ will himself finish
                 your training, he will make you firm, he will make you strong. " 1Peter.5:9,10.

                 It's most difficult when Family members take advantage of sincere kindness and
                 hospitality, we(Pam & I) have experienced that recently, to a smaller degree.
                 I certainly can relate to your Husbands sentiments regarding your Brothers, so
                 with all of that in mind, the suggestion of providing the necessary necessities; food,
                 clothing, etc without releasing any Monetary funds is sound advice. A few times in Life,
                 I had a complete stranger asking for money for the purpose of food. The first time I gave up
                 some money and viewed him purchasing Alcohol. Thereafter in other instances, I offered
                 to buy a meal or provide one and was refused.

                 Of course when dealing with family members(Your Brothers) it's much more difficult due
                 to Familial Love. Personally, but it's just my " opinion ", don't lay a possible responsibility
                 towards your Husband. We are all accountable for our actions, the fact you are helping
                 with your Brothers necessities is admirable.

                 Without getting into detail, 12 years ago I was homeless for 1-2 months, only one person
                 in my Congregation helped me. After staying at his House for three weeks and finding a
                 one room Hilton with money he lent me, I paid back every penny within three weeks and
                 voluntarily did work for Him(Lawn Mowing), free of charge for one year, to show my
                 gratitude and appreciation.

                 Sorry, if I sound alittle unfeeling about all of this, but throughout my entire Life I always
                 paid for the consequences of my actions, never expecting others to pay for mine. I guess
                 it " hits a nerve " to hear of others, like yourself being taken advantage of, especially when
                 it's family members.

                 In the past few Months, Pam and I have experienced a few Scenarios regarding others
                 arrogantly and carelessly deciding to do things a certain way that led to a financial
                 repercussion for us. So instead of them paying for the consequences of their Actions,
                 we suffered the consequences. In each case, it wasn't simply a mistake, it was a " I
                 don't care what happens attitude"  and a " I Know it all attitude. "

                 In the case involving the close Family member, I am not at liberty to disclose this matter,
                 out of personal respect for my Wife.

                 In the case involving your Brothers, perhaps they really need Professional substance
                 abuse help. Without that, their lives might be in jeopardy.

                 My prayers go out to you and may God's guidance direct your steps in this most difficult
                 time. All of this suffering(Evil) is necessary for our training, even though none of us enjoy
                 it. When it's from Strangers, it's more endurable. When it originates from Family sources,
                 it indeed, is a fiery trial.

                                             Kind Regards, Samson.

[Ninny]

Susan, I'm sorry you have such hard decisions to make I sympathize with you in that. I pray that God will give you the answers you need to deal with your brothers.
I have gone against my husband's wishes on matters of conscience and it really isn't easy, I know. I can't offer anything, but prayers.
Prayerfully everything will go well with your accident situation.
Kathy

[hebrewroots98]

Wow,
Thank you all for your input here...I have NEVER gone against my DH (who is a believer...and a BT believer) (like myself) and we are equally yoked on just about every spiritual truth that really matters... with the exception of "my brothers".   I have never agreed with him that we should just drop them and never see them EVER again, but that is how DH feels about them...he truly NEVER wants to see them again.  He does not want to spend another dime on them...right now DH is having to work a job that is out of state and he only gets to see us minimally each month,  just in order to try to get us financially even (no credit/strictly cash), and now this wreck sets us (about 6 mos to a year) behind financially....neither of us are  happy with that either, but,  he doesn't complain about it) he just knows that they are much younger than he is and that they choose to be lazy than to work and he thinks that they expect him to dish it out when they are in a bind and when we don't they then cuss us out and hang up on us. 

I told him that I could not handle it if they did die (all b/c I/we would not help them)...nor if my parents (who live 1500 miles away) expected  me to ensure that they get buried properly by the city that they live in (also out of state from us.)   But, DH does not even want for me to go to there and spend my time and the stress of me caring for their dead bodies (I know this sounds horrific...) if they were to die!  I am so torn and will just have to pray till I find peace inside on this issue.  DH doesn't believe that they are starving and that it is just a ploy to not have to work for their needs, but mom is told everything by these two brothers and she thinks that they are telling the truth; (DH thinks that the drug lords are needing their money from my brothers.)  My mom has been calling around to try to get the churches in that city to help them and no one can/will). This new level is something that I have never had to deal with before and it certainly is a trial for me b/c DH thinks that if I help them anymore then I am  taking away from our home when he is the only one working (he doesn't want to spend a dime on them ever again, not on gas to get there or on food for them and their dog)  all b/c my brothers have been here at this desperate point in their lives SO MANY TIMES BEFORE and they don't care to learn from their mistakes.  (One brother has been in TEN rehab centers and the other one REFUSES to step foot inside one!)  DH thinks that they are still doing drugs and that he shouldn't have to help druggies...so does the other half of my family think like DH does, so they will not help our brothers either.) 

I have taken (and will continue) to take into consideration and prayer what each of you has had to say.  Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I will keep you informed as to where HE leads me...HE must provide the $ (it would be DH's earned $ that he has asked me not to use on them), time (I am buried up to my ears it seems in legal paperwork that has deadlines since the wreck), and strength/energy for me to go and help them (as well as the ability to say no to my DH who loves us with all of his heart and who thinks that he is protecting us from them and that I am being ungrateful by not seeing what he sees....what they have done to us in the past.)

blessings,
Susan

[Ninny]

Susan, I can  feel the heaviness of your heart tonight. I will continue in prayer for you. People can tell you what they would do, but it is ultimately up to you and your family. So just please feel the peace of God around you and let God take care of it. Remember that saying that says "Let go, Let God"?
Prayerfully,
Kathy

[Linny]

Dear Susan,

As hard as it is to do in this situation, I feel like you must honor your husband FIRST and you will be blessed by doing so.

Pray for your brothers' protection. Feel free to call on community support to meet your brothers' needs (social services, etc.) But honor your husband's wishes especially since you say he is not only a believer but one with open eyes.

If you feel he is in error, pray for his heart to be changed by the Lord and the Lord will do so if it is His will for your family.
I have found that many times in the past when I felt I was in the right about something, by honoring my husband, and allowing God to handle it, my husband then came around and did the right thing and I wasn't the one pushing him. It all works out so much better when God does it.

Just my opinion as a loud mouthed, opinionated, wife who has spent the last 17 years learning these lessons the hard way.

Many blessings, Lin