Hello Ches & Everyone,
I have been hesitant in replying to this since my most profound (to date) 'Jonah Moment' actually came
before I stumbled onto Bible Truths.
It was early 2002 when I started having strange dreams of being sort of trapped within crawl spaces or (Florida style) shallow attics, I could squeeze in to make my inspection of the construction but when I attempted to reposition myself to exit there was no room to turn around, crawling backwards was not a real option as it was always after a series of turns that I found myself feeling trapped. The more I wiggled around seeking a better postion the more the space seemed to shrink and the walls appeared to be even closer. I would wake up in a sweaty panic mode grateful beyond words that it was only a dream. This happened multiple times, 20, 30, maybe more over about a 2 year period or so, each time it felt like it was the first time I experienced this, it wasn't until I woke up and regained my composure that I realized it was just another episode in this series of being trapped and squeezed, even though they were all virtually the same I could not for the life of me figure out the plot. Bizarre!
This anxiety would stay with me (not as intensely but still consciously) through the day, a feeling of being trapped and having no power within myself to do anything about it, frustration and a sense of weakness were my constant companions. Was I experiencing some midlife crisis, was this normal? I didn't ask about it, or discuss this feeling with anyone, no way was I going to show myself to be a weakling who was breaking down mentally. There was a real sense of something big missing, a gaping hole in the center of my soul, why now, things were relatively good as far as family, friends, job, etc. What the heck is my problem?
I really had no clue as to why it was happening and even less of a clue as to the solution but not being one to sit around and sink into self pity or (heaven forbid) see a mental health specialist I decided I needed to do something, something big, something that would be a testimony that I actually existed, long after I departed this world, I would build us a new house! It would outlast my wife and I and perhaps it would be handed down to our daughter and maybe even our (eventual) grandkids. I had some ideas on how I would build it, first class all the way, all the bells and whistles, what we call in the (home building) business 'a jewel box.'
We had a nice investment property on the Hillsborough River, woods on one side, only one neighbor adjacent to our property, a huge lot, 300' deep and more than 70' feet of frontage on the water, a perfect place to build this monument to myself. The only problem was the sinking, freefalling sense of emptiness was still getting worse. I would think, well once I get the permit approved I will feel better, as Ray might say; "wrong paleface."
Each step of the way I would think, "ok, once this is done I will begin to feel like I am something, that my self worth will return in full bloom," wrong again!
The actual construction went along really well, I used the same sub contractors as our company uses and I played the role of General Contractor, they all treated me very good in regard to prices and meeting my schedule, the only problem was my soul felt even emptier, there was little joy in this project that was supposed to make this Pinocchio a real boy! Yes, I
acted happy as I interacted with the trades or showed the progress to the wife and others but there was no real joy, there was less joy on the horizon.
2004 was the worst year of the 30+ years I have lived in Florida in regard to hurricane activity, now guess what year I built the house?
It was going smooth until I was nearing completion (in August) but the weather had other plans:
http://www.cyclonejim.com/2004_Hurricane_Season.htmThe house withstood the onslaught with no adverse effects or damages, I installed more than double the hurricane straps that the code requires and the architectual shingles did their job so we were ok in that respect, the only setback was a few felled (small) trees and some water pooling in areas where the final grading had not been completed. The ditch we dug for the front drainage culvert was flooded for a while but we had to just wait it out to make the needed repairs and complete it. The overall delay was close to 2 months.
Does anyone remember where I was going with this?
Ok, now I remember, empty soul, midlife crisis, trapped in an attic, Jonah moment......
2004 becomes 2005 and the always positive (I speak as a fool) news media is predicting an even worse hurricane season for the new year, my house is not my only concern as our company was building 300 or so houses per year at that time and my responsibility was the Warranty Dept. in addition to Quality Control. Technically, according to Florida Statute (I forget the #) builders are not responsible for "Acts of God" but try telling that to home owners who experience leaks or failed roof systems, they get emotional and dread the idea of paying an insurance deductible in addition to their mortgage. I had determined in previous years the best plan of action was to physically inspect (either me or one of my employees) the house and determine if there was even the slightest chance the problem might have been our fault or even partially our fault, if so we just took care of the problem. It still was no fun dealing with people who were in a highly agitated state before we even had the opportunity to evaluate the situation and make any needed repairs.
The thought of all this sent me spiralling down even faster.
One night as my gaping internal hole tore further open I sat at my computer wondering if all this hurricane activity was a sign from God that the end was near, is this what all the doom and gloom, rapture peddlers were selling? I typed in "weather revelation" hoping to get some insight from scripture and guess what popped up?
L. Ray Smith, hell does not exist!
It did not meet the words I entered and I was never able to replicate the result but I was just enough intrigued by this "nutjob" to check his site out for a bit, maybe get a laugh or two...... I really wondered when the pitch to buy a book or CD would come up, you know how it goes, put up a teaser line or two and if you want the whole story get out your wallet!
About 3 or 4 hours later after my wife heard me repeatedly shout WOW! AMAZING! YES! she came upstairs to my office wondering if I was watching porn or something and I told her I had found the most incredible site, I was babbling on in my joyful excitement and after politely listening she told me it was getting late and asked when I was coming to bed (my very first experience with a BT scoffer)!
That was the beginning of my Jonah Moment coming to an end, the fish coughed me onto the beach, the feeling of being trapped and bound and helpless lessened, I could even that night feel the gaping hole in my soul start to heal. The Spirit of God through the inspired writings on Bible Truths had introduced Himself to me and I was so happy to welcome Him!
Sorry for the length of this folks but that is another reason I was hesitant in responding here, I knew once I got started I would go on and on and on....
Peace,
Joe
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Topic: Jonah Moment (Read 10525 times)