Hi Jennie,
I was very fortunate in regard to my own Mother's death (I know this sounds strange) and how everything was worked out by her before she made that final trip to the hospital. Shortly after she was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and got over the initial shock of this report she got busy with a very detailed living will which forbade any life support. It was a remarkable thing as she had cemetary preparions made, how she wanted her funeral expedited (family only, no clergy and for me to do the eulogy) and even some money set aside for the family to go out for food and drinks after the funeral, one last party on Mom!
My wife's Mother was a totally different story, it was only a few months after my Mom passed that my mother in law's health deteriorated, she made no arrangements, refused to accept reality and when the decision to have the plug pulled was left up to my wife and her brother and sister the anxiety and guilt was overwhelming for them. It was unneccessary to feel any guilt, her time had come, even if she had survived a few days or weeks on life support what kind of life is that? It might postpone the grim reality a short time for the survivors but there was really no hope of ever leading the kind of life that would have satisfied an independant, industrious person who eschewed pity and helplessness.
To make a long story shorter the bottom line is once the lessons were learned by all involved each of us now has a living will to take the pressure off of those who we leave behind, a living will is a real gift to those who must pick up the pieces, it removes any feelings of guilt or thoughts of "I could have done more, I could have done better."
His Peace to you Jennie,
Joe