In Retrospect; A Clearer Vison

[hillsbororiver]

There have also been some very profound changes in my life since the Lord began to drag me closer to Him. Until a few months ago I thought this change began just after I "stumbled" upon Bible Truths, in retrospect the change actually began a few years previous to that unforgettable night.

I have had many ups and downs, many setbacks (most of them self inflicted) and some incredibly fortunate ones as well, through all the times of poverty (not only financial) to self sufficiency to prosperity and back to poverty and through the cycle again and again I had this sense of optimism, that things were going to work themselves out no matter what situation I found myself in. Looking back I see that this optimism was actually at the root of many reckless decisions and the cause of much boorish behavior on my part, I might say or do just about anything and expect to be able to come out of it unscathed, others would notice this as well, a woman years ago once remarked "Joe, you could fall in a tub of **** (dung) and come out clean as a whistle, smelling like a rose. I believed it.

About 5 or 6 years ago this optimism started to recede, I was (and still am) in a very good marriage, our daughter had graduated from college (since then obtained her Masters Degree and beyond) I had (and have) a very good job, earning a decent living with the freedom to come and go as I please (as long as the Department I manage meets it's goals). I had every reason to be content and comfortable but I was uneasy, unsettled, something was definitely missing, there was a void in me you could drive a truck through.

My solution or diagnosis was that I needed to do something big, something that would outlast me, leave a physical, tangible monument that my daughter and eventual grandchildren could inherit and live in long after I was gone, I was going to build a beautiful house.

We found the perfect property right on the river, close to everything but surrounded by woods, a park and only one neighbor bordering our property. I got busy on it and the feeling of dread only got worse.

I would have knots in my stomach from the time I woke up in the morning and it got to the point I was self medicating just to be able to get through the day. There was absolutely no reason for me to be feeling this way, the construction was going smoothly, no real disasters at home or at work but I was feeling lower and lower. I convinced myself it was just the stress of building (conveniently forgetting this feeling began before we even bought the property) and it would pass once it was completed.

It didn't.

The dread and despair that had no name or no cause (that I could see at the time) and no reason became part of my existence, I could hide it behind a mask of joyfulness, but I also would explode in anger over some very minor things, my foundation was non existent, in winter I would look look forward to spring, spring to summer, etc. It was too painful living in the present but I had no clue as to why.

We went through a pretty active hurricane season in Florida during '04 and it was expected to be just as bad in '05, it was in the news constantly, meteorologists gleefully prophecysing doom and destruction for all, August 2 '05 I was at my wits end, that was the night I stumbled on Bible Truths. I Googled Revelation/Weather looking for some biblical writings on "end times" weather patterns and the first link was Bible Truths, I have never been able to duplicate that result since.

Ever since that night the despair has given way to an optimism I never knew before, far exceeding the carnal optimism I had since my late teens, a wonderful promise of redemption, of obtaining true life has been my driving motivation rather than accumulating "things." I found that I was walking through His Fire without knowing where I was, or where I was headed, tribulation has not ceased but knowing the Source gives a certain comfort now rather than sorrow.

This has translated into how I perceive others, in the past when I would have to interact with people that had rather despicable personality traits I would either go head to head with them or write them off as "losers," sometimes both. Now I see them as walking through life untethered to anything of real sustenance (our Lord) they are freefalling, grasping, lunging at anything and everything, over reacting to situations because there is no measure in their lives.

I now visualize them as people who are reeling from financial setbacks, unable to meet their obligations worrying about staying afloat day to day even as they have the winning lottery ticket in the pocket of an old jacket, but they forgot about it's purchase and it's location. This winning lottery ticket is how the Lord made me feel when He so graciously revealed His plan and purpose for humanity. I don't mean to degrade this gift by comparing it to money, but He Himself compares this journey to seeking "treasure," it is that, but so much more too.

This suffering we experience to me is nothing compared to not knowing Him, believing His promise, appreciating His sacrifice and best of all knowing Him more every day. I don't want to minimize what each of us experience in our trials and tribulations but knowing the reason for this purification process should be a source of joy. We are being formed into Sons and Daughters of the Almighty God!

Praise our Lord and His (and our) Father!

Joe   

[rk12201960]

H Joe,,, 
You are a true brother from the heart...
Its my honor to know and walk with you.

In Gods Love
Randy

[Patrick]

H Joe,,, 
You are a true brother from the heart...
Its my honor to know and walk with you.

In Gods Love
Randy

Amen, Randy!

Thanks for all your help and prayers, Joe!!

[hillsbororiver]

WOW!

Hey Randy and Patrick you guys are way too kind.

Thanks you for your generous statements, we all know the Source of anything good that might come from any of us! 

Peace to you my Brothers,

Joe

[dogcombat]

Joe,

I think your words reflect a HARD truth that can only be EXPERIENCED.  Before you were led to the truths of God, you had to know what was missing.  THAT was the ONLY way you would have searched for the "buried treasure" hidden "FROM THE FOUNDATION OF THE AGES".  May God continue to reveal more of who He is IN CHRIST to you as you journey on from here.

Ches

[OBrenda]

Joe,

I couldn't help but be inspired by this...
While I was reading your experience I thought that maybe for some of us, it doesn't require epic disasters to find the narrow path.  I often find myself thinking I certainly am not one of the chosen (which I have peace with) !
Especially when I hear about the trails of others that have really suffered.

Some days have been better than others, but I also see my Life as blessed.
Of course what may lay ahead, I pray for the Grace to endure it.  ((All of Us)) 
I guess I've been feeling a lack of qualifications on my Resume' to apply for the position/though I do run the race as best as I understand it.

Your sharing is always a blessing,
Brenda

[cjwood]

dear joe,
thank you so much for your personal witness of the journey our God has been and is still leading you on. it seemed like a mirror to me where i could see myself and also see the reflection of the Holy Spirit Comforter that lives in you and me and our brothers and sisters on this forum. i am always inspired by your postings and was very grateful to be able to meet you in person in nashville. the bible truths website, ray's teachings, and this forum, along with my personal studies of the scriptures are the food that i take in daily to feed my spirit which gives me the spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental strength needed to run this race on the path that He has chosen for me, and allows me to be able to endure the trials and sufferings that are along the way. again, thank you joe for your personal outpouring. you are a true brother to me and all the others here.

claudia

[mharrell08]

Thank you for sharing your testimony with us Joe...these events were a benefit to you as well as to us to learn from.

I often find myself thinking I certainly am not one of the chosen (which I have peace with) !
Especially when I hear about the trails of others that have really suffered.

Hello Brenda,

Not to take attention away from Joe's comments, but being one of the elect/chosen is not up to anyone but God. In the same manner that no one can claim they are one of the elect, in like manner, no one can claim to not be, you know?

As Paul states he was chief among sinners, but Christ would be longsuffering towards him as a pattern for those who believe [1 Tim 15-16]. As Christ was able to bring Saul into repentance to become Paul, He is able to do that with any of us.

I know we can sometimes make comments that show our humility, but they should not be at the detriment of our belief that God can turn any of us into His very image, in this age. He has to bring us low in order to lift us up...but that does not mean he has forsaken us in any way and that a place in the 2nd resurrection is our destiny. We all lack the qualifications to have the position of glory & honor that bestows the Sons and Daughters of God...that is why the Lord does the work IN US rather than us doing the works as 'all have come short of the glory of God' [Rom 3:23].

I know we all know these things in our mind, but this was just a reminder to know these in our hearts and live them. Please take no offense. 


Marques

[OBrenda]

Marques....I take no offense at all...

I was realizing the error in my mind that plays a tape, "that if you are chosen, you will have great troubles/trials".
Joe's sharing his heart brought light to that "Old Tape" in the "Old Tape Player" so to speak...
So I'm in agreement to this correction!
I've been blessed twice now!

I pray the same for you,
Brenda

[Falconn003]

Joe


God bless
Rodger

[Rene]

This suffering we experience to me is nothing compared to not knowing Him, believing His promise, appreciating His sacrifice and best of all knowing Him more every day. I don't want to minimize what each of us experience in our trials and tribulations but knowing the reason for this purification process should be a source of joy. We are being formed into Sons and Daughters of the Almighty God!

Praise our Lord and His (and our) Father!

Joe   

I wholeheartedly agree!  During our trials and tribulations, we have something SOLID to hang on to.  What a blessing to have this knowledge.

René

[Ninny]

Joe, that was so inspiring! I think in one way or another we can all relate to your experience. We all have the notion that whatever is wrong with us we can find the answer to it in the physical, tangible, and in our own power! We have all been victims of our own egos and it is very frustrating when you look in the mirror and find that person looking back is pitiful and powerless! When we realize that this is the way God deals with us, we are relieved to hand our lives over to him! I'm glad that as I used to hear my dad say, "I will bring you down a notch or two" God uses these things to humble us and teach us, may we be open to learn!!
Thank you for that
Kathy

[gmik]

Beautifully put Joe.  Thank you for the blessing.

[iris]

Thanks for sharing.


Iris

[Dave in Tenn]

Sweet post, Joe.

I also have the sense that all my life has been preparation to recieve the Gospel.  I can't help but believe now that all of EVERYBODY'S life (all those pesky 'other people') is also designed to make them ready, no matter what circumstances our super-abundantly Creative God has laid out for them.  God bless you by continuing to mold you into the image of His Beloved Son, in whom He is well pleased.

[Daddysgirl]

Joe (well i really have to get used to this. In africa or atleast S.Africa it's kinda wrong to call an elder by their name, but im pretty sure you and others on here dont mind)

I tried posting this yesterday just after you posted your journey, but my mobile phone(didnt have a pc at the time) wouldnt cooperate. All i wanted to say was that i always find so much humility and wisdom in your posts. You and others on this forum have become to me like mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers in so many ways that I cannot go a day without learning from you.

There are times that carnality kicks in and i ask myself; what if all this is unreal, what if Ray and others here are the ones twisting scripture to suit their beliefs(and no,i dont believe any of these!)? And each time i answer myself and say: You know what, i'd rather live the rest of my days believing and worshiping the God that Ray, BT forums and its members have helped reveal(for lack of a better word) to me "The only one SOVEREIGN God in whom all things truly consist", than the God of Christendom who supposedly takes orders from me and was subject to my own free will. Maybe some of you wont understand this, but this is big to me. The God that i knew a few months ago before BT and the God i know now are two totally different beings and i am so exceedingly glad that through much tribulation, He found me.

Thank you Joe and others. I pray that my years may be filled with the wisdom, humility, endurance and every fruit of the spirit evident in many of you here.

Matty

[indianabob]

Thank you Joe and everyone,

Isn't it great to be a part of the Family of God and know it.

We are blessed beyond measure.

Bob

[Akira329]

Thanks for sharing a little bit of your heart Joe!
I really needed it.

Antaiwan

[Samson]

Thankyou Joe,

                    Thankyou for that enlightening Testimony, food for Spiritual thought.
                     I would like to make a comment on one particular paragraph that
                     stood out for me. See the copied and pasted portion of your Testimony
                     below.

                   
                     About 5 or 6 years ago this optimism started to recede, I was (and still am) in a very good marriage, our daughter had graduated from college (since then obtained her Masters Degree and beyond) I had (and have) a very good job, earning a decent living with the freedom to come and go as I please (as long as the Department I manage meets it's goals). I had every reason to be content and comfortable but I was uneasy, unsettled, something was definitely missing, there was a void in me you could drive a truck through.    ( One paragraph from Joe Hillsbororiver's Testimony)

                    [Comment: Many, if not all of the Physical(Carnal) desires were met; A good Marriage,
                                    A good Job, Freedom to come and go as you please, earning a decent living,
                                    every reason(physically) to be content..... Yet you experienced
                                    a void, am I correct to believe you are referring to a Spiritual void and
                                    emptiness. It goes to show that anyone can attain the creature comforts
                                    and a large measure of Wordly success and still feel empty. Nevertheless,
                                    apparently God literally dragged you to him having put the desire in you to
                                    to seek and obtain Spiritual Truth. It produces a measure of calmness inside
                                    of us, never felt before.


                                              Kind Regards, Samson.

[aqrinc]

Hi Joe,

Thanks for sharing some more of you. Like Matty these thoughts do try to pop in when in an
unguarded moment. Whenever this happens now though there is always a Scripture in my mind
that jumps out and confront the Lie then obliterates it right there.

John 10:10:
The thief comes not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life,
and that they might have it more abundantly.

george.

There are times that carnality kicks in and i ask myself; what if all this is unreal, what if Ray and others here are the ones twisting scripture to suit their beliefs(and no,i don't believe any of these!)? And each time i answer myself and say: You know what, i'd rather live the rest of my days believing and worshiping the God that Ray, BT forums and its members have helped reveal(for lack of a better word) to me "The only one SOVEREIGN God in whom all things truly consist", than the God of Christendom who supposedly takes orders from me and was subject to my own free will. Maybe some of you wont understand this, but this is big to me. The God that i knew a few months ago before BT and the God i know now are two totally different beings and i am so exceedingly glad that through much tribulation, He found me.

Thank you Joe and others. I pray that my years may be filled with the wisdom, humility, endurance and every fruit of the spirit evident in many of you here.

Matty