I can't understand, in my own mind, why people WANT to believe in eternal torment, even if it is for "the other guy." How hideous!
Nonetheless, I hold fast to Matthew 13, where Jesus quoted Isaiah with the reason - "so their eyes cannot hear, and their ears cannot hear, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them." I believe that, for us to understand/turn/be healed, we need to experience God's Judgment first.
Eventually, all will be judged, and eventually all will turn to Him and be healed. But their eyes are closed and their ears cannot hear, so they cannot see this truth yet, or any truth, because turning to Jesus IS turning to truth - "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." (John 14:6).
For me, the God's Judgment results in humility (and a lack of humility results in Judgment!). I suspect that your pastor friend is not chosen for Judgment yet, as he certainly doesn't sound humble. Nor does he love his brethren, or he wouldn't say such spiteful things.
Steve