Wow... I feel like I'm with family.. real family!
I wish you all lived near me!
I have admittedly been through 'hell' since God presented me with His truths. When God began to show them to me, I was on top of the world and I was so amazed that God is going to save everybody.. even me. Being one who could never live up to anyone's expectations made me even more amazed that God actually accepted me. It still blows me away that He called me and at least has possibly chosen me.
Soon after the ecstatic feeling was replaced by the realization that I was on an incredibly narrow path.
(This seed planted many years earlier when I was still in the corporate church, and God showed me the truth about the wide path vs. the narrow path. If everybody's doing it and if everybody believes it, it's probably wrong. It blew me away.. and still does!)
Now virtually nobody understood why I live or believe the way I do. Nobody understood that all of life quickly became an unbelievable fiery trial, and nobody could see the changes God was making deep inside of me. Sins that used to take me out in a heartbeat no longer had a stronghold, especially the ones nobody knew about. (Of course there are other areas of life God is still working on in me.. sigh..)
There have been times (even recently) when I felt like I was on the receiving end of the bottom side of God's shoe and that He had given up on me. And yet even then, I knew I wanted to press on because there was nothing to go back to. Somewhere in the last couple of years, something BIG changed inside of me. I'm not sure I can describe it even. I just know that despite my trials, I am being made free.. redeemed.. and even blessed.
I might even be the most blessed man that I know, despite the incredible needs God has willed me to have for this period in my life. I know these fiery trials have been for my benefit and that God chastises those whom He loves. He must love me a heck of a lot!
Many of the changes my family has been through the last couple of years (including our move to Iowa) have been the direct result of the changes God has been making in me. Not all of them have been too popular with my family, especially my teenagers. But, I am quickly learning that when God changes everything on the inside, He'll often change everything on the outside as well.
So now.. I believe I have finally found true brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a good place to go to receive good teaching, and even fellowship with other like-minded believers. Admittedly I am not good at the whole fellowship thing. For 40+ years, most if not all of my fellowship resulted in others wanting to make me into their image rather than lifting me up and accepting me as who God made me to be. I don't see much of that here. I see people lifting one another up and sharing the truths of God with one another.. and having a few good laughs along the way.
I'll let you know now.. I am not very 'religious'. I probably don't do things properly. I'm not a very spiritual man anymore. I get uncomfortable being asked to 'lead a prayer'. I rarely quote whole chunks of scripture since I can never remember where they all are, but I find I often have them scattered in what I write or say without realizing it (I'll try to improve on this as I go).
I do have a teachable spirit, but I dislike it when God's exciting truths are presented in a very boring manner. (Ray is never boring, thankfully.. and that was another reason God dragged me here!)
I'll try to jump into various discussions from time to time, but please be patient with me as it might take me a while to get used to doing so. But.. I am looking forward to this!
Anyway.. this is turning into a novel.. so I'll stop here for now.