Balancing family and time for God

[rockrdude]

I am having a dilemma and am hoping some of you might have some wisdom as to how to deal with it.

I have a rather large family, and I work at home. I have a wonderful wife, a baby on the way, plus small children and teenagers. I am often needed for seemingly everything at home, and I get little to no free time for myself. I often don't even get time to do the work that I need to do to pay the bills (somehow God keeps providing for us anyways), and for sure when I do get time to study, holding my eyelids open is a challenge. It's hard to study and actually learn anything when I am that tired.. and I am wiped out tired around the clock often.

In Matthew 10:27 , Jesus says "he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of me".

There was a time long ago when I would have done anything to bail out of my marriage. I was most unhappy, and the unhappiness was not of natural origin. I simply wanted out. My marriage was on the rocks a few times as a result of this. (I now see how God used this to burn a lot of junk out of my life and to appreciate what.. and who.. He has given me).

There came a point where God gave me a balance between the above Scripture and 1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever".

God taught me years ago to start by not being worse than an unbeliever, and to minister to Him by meeting the needs of my family. Things changed rapidly, and my marriage has been significantly stronger ever since then.

And then over time.. God revealed some of His precious truths to me. I found out that God's love is so vast and amazing that He will save everyone! I studied, prayed, and then found Ray's teachings which added to and went along with everything I was being taught by the Lord, and I continued to study and pray.

I was on top of the world! I have never been so excited in my whole life! Everything now made sense, and I was at peace for the first time ever. No more threats of hell looming over me, and no more giving the teachings of the "church" any notice. I felt truly free!

And then...

Life happens. Suddenly if it could go wrong, it went wrong. Where we lived before went from a blessing to a huge curse. Sleep evaded me. My children had constant needs, and my oldest ones went into some serious rebellion. My time disappeared, and my family started needing me, it seems like, around the clock. My prayer time became more fragmented, and my study time virtually went away. (Thank God that so much of what He has taught me seems to be permanently stuck in my brain so I still think on these things all the time!)

My family (as a whole) started doing lots more frivolous things (video games that go on for hours, for example) leaving me to do more and more around my own home and less time for myself.. and less time to spend with the Lord.

Now my dilemma is this: I most certainly love God more than my family. And yet, I still believe in meeting the needs of my family as one way I display my love for the Lord. My family is my primary ministry. And yet, I crave fellowship with other believers, study time (where I am awake enough to actually learn something), prayer time (I do get a bit of this some days since I am an early riser and am often the first one up.. and I prefer to pray alone), and even a bit of time to do things I want, such as listen to music or take a walk down a quiet path somewhere.

My biggest desire in life is to get more of a balance between my family and the Lord. I understand that God has allowed this to come my way to help me grow closer to Him. I guess at this point I am hoping that some of you have been though this as well, and may have some good experience or practical advice.

LOL.. It has taken me quite a few days just to get the time to write this out so I could get it posted!
Anyway.. I'd love to read your thoughts about this. Thank you in advance.. and I hope what I have written makes some sense. I'm not too awake this morning. 

[smeacham]

I have a similar situation.  I'd explain it, but it'd read much like yours, so I won't bother.  Here's what I do...


Some evenings are family time - usually watching a movie, or be away from the house.  This happens 1-2 times a week.  I just go with the event and don't regret it.  Some evenings have outside obligations.  Others, my MS is too bad to think about studying.

Most nights, though, we spend together in the living room, in our own little worlds.  Kids doing homework or playing games, my wife and I on our own computers.  Some of these nights have frequent disruptions, distractions, loud noises, etc.  When that happens, I just give up and do something less profitable such as, no offense, catch up on these forums, read, or play a game myself.  When things aren't so chaotic, I'll open the Bible and a notebook and my computer study aids and go to it.

The chaos comes and goes in irregular cycles in my house.  I may have weeks where things allow Bible study most nights.   I may have weeks where it does not.  I'll also have weeks where every day is different.

So, I take advantage of the time God gives me with Him and the time God gives me with my family.  Sometimes, I regret to say, I'll be lazy and not take full advantage, too.  These are the times I want to minimize.

Steve

[aqrinc]

Hi Jonathan,

Your story is like mine in many ways, and different in several. This is a short version of how i have made and am making adjustments. Until 2006, i always depended on me to get it done and provide for my family. We have been married for 35 years, most of them great, some rocky. Without getting into detail, that is where our stories are similar; plus the family time. My wife has a large family that she loves to be with, i have a large family that are scattered all over the world. Looking for balance was always the challenge, but today i understand that balance and providing for the family is much more than the job, money, house and stuff stuff stuff. As men we are the head of our household and we must lead by example. Now that is a hard thing to understand; if we focus on the physical aspects of leadership only.

We are told to (Seek ye first The Kingdom of GOD And HIS Righteousness); but we try to balance that with other perceived needs. Well read the second part of that statement, (and All these things Shall be added onto you). Where is the admonition for balance in that statement; nowhere i can see.

Let me sum it up quickly; everything below in red is from The Mouth Of Our LORD Directly to You (who read this). When are we going to take Him at HIS WORD and stop looking for balance. Once we get this, read the other Scriptures in the same light and BINGO; glaring floodlights come on all over the place.

Jesus also says:
Joh 6:63  It is the Spirit that makes alive, the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit and are life.

Mat 6: 24-34 (MKJV)
24  No one can serve two masters. For either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.
25  Therefore I say to you, Do not be anxious for your life, what you shall eat, or what you shall drink; nor for your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
26  Behold the birds of the air; for they sow not, nor do they reap, nor gather into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them; are you not much better than they are?
27  Which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his stature?
28  And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They do not toil, nor do they spin,
29  but I say to you that even Solomon in his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30  Therefore if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much rather clothe you, little-faiths? (O ye of little faith? KJV)
31  Therefore do not be anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, With what shall we be clothed?
32  For the nations seek after all these things. For your heavenly Father knows that you have need of all these things.
33  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.
34  Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow shall be anxious for its own things. Sufficient to the day is the evil of it.

george.

[OBrenda]

Being now in the Season of being a Grandmother,
I look back on the many years of being a parent.  Back then I had no idea how quickly everything would flash by and be gone.  When my daughter moved out, I suddenly wept in shock how could this time be over?

I won't try to minimize the struggle and conflict of the season of parenting.  I don't believe we even have much self knowledge until after 40 years of Birthday candles have been wished on.  I'm with George seeking to find balancing is a illusion, and what I hear my savior saying written in red above, is to live in the moment.   And he will take care of all our needs.

It's our carnal mind that is always looking ahead, behind or to the side to distract us from the spiritual peace and sabbath rest within.  If your mind is distracted because you didn't have time to study this week, you'll miss the adoring looks of your children as they accomplish something for the first time.  That is just as spiritual a moment as study time. 

Usually we spend more of our life apart from our children (18-20 yrs in our home) then try to make up for the time we missed with them by spoiling our Grandchildren...
Just my perspective,
Brenda

[Ninny]

Hi Jonathan!
I pray that you will find the answers to your dilemma, I know it's hard to find time for everything that we feels must be done. Praying for your answers!
Kathy

[Marlene]

Hello, I can not give you any advice on balancing family. But, I think you all are pretty amazing !  I believe your life is going the way God planned. But, I sure can see how you can feel the weight of the world is on you.

I was never able to have children, but I had many neices and nephews who have needed me over the years. I love them just like they were my children. I did have once neice who lived with me 11 years. I would not trade those years for anything. I learned a lot. I do have a Mother 88 living with me and this is an adjustment for me and my Husband. Mothers are always your Mother and she still likes things her way. LOL

I am not well and had to quite work after working many years. But, now I see my Health as a time that has brought me closer to God. I learned his truths during my time not working. I would come home from working while ill and just felt so bad I could not spend time with God right. But, I believe that the situations we are in are for a  purpose.

The Scriptures George gave us is best advice anyone could give. Brenda, has good advice. Everyone has a different life. Steve, is working and raising a family and not well physicaly.  We all have a cross to bare. God, knows what it takes to bring us into him being All IN All. I ask myself why my Husband stays with a sick woman and My aged Mother. He does it because he Loves us and he has been awesome to our neices and nephews.

I am amazed at all you are going through Jonoathan. God will work it all out for you. He already has brought you through alot. I know that we all want to be giving God our All. He started something good in us and he will finish it.

Just, wanted to mainly uplift you all and say I am so blessed to have Brothers and Sisters like you all.

In His Love,
Marlene

[rockrdude]

George,

There are not enough words to express just how thankful I am for your post and for those exact Scriptures you provided. I have been there a lot lately, and I have been considering the exact things you wrote about. You have confirmed so much inside of me, I don't know if I can put it into words.. at least not yet.

I was starting to feel like I was getting off-base (thus the desire to find 'balance'), as until I found all of you, I felt very alone spiritually. But, God has been hammering these very Words into me.. over and over... and over... and over. I am so glad He doesn't give up on thick-heads like me. 

For sure, now I see clearly something the Lord has been trying to show me for quite some time. Glaring floodlights? Oh yeah!

Brenda,

Thank you for what you wrote too! I am a rare man who gets to work at home and see his children grow. I am here for first steps, stories, tickles, songs, bumps, boo-boos, and all that fun stuff.. and I do see the Lord in all of these things. I get so thankful for those times when the Lord gives me one on one time with my children and also when He uses that time to teach them something amazing. The unplanned times are usually better than the planned ones.

Sure.. By working at home, we make less money. But for sure.. We've never been hungry, and God has always provided.

I very much have a goal of seeking first the Kingdom of God. I am still learning how to do this.. one day at a time.

Kathy,

Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated. The floodlights are glaring already. 

[rockrdude]

Marlene,

God definitely planned this life. There is no way I could ever have orchestrated this wild and crazy life He has given me. The more I live, the more I see just how impossible 'free will' truly is. This is all about God's Will.. and for sure I need to stop worrying about things - and simply live each day as God leads.. with joyfulness and thanksgiving.. seeking first HIS Kingdom and HIS righteousness. 

[smeacham]

I will testify that the Lord always provides, even when I was in Babylon.  He doesn't seem inclined to bless me with excess, but he doesn't bless me with extreme want, either.  Just enough, and it's amazing the various things He's arranged in my life to keep it that way. 

• Windfalls of money are gone with the wind.  But, if we lose a roof over our head, or the cupboards are bare, it's fixed that instant.
• The cars are always on their last legs, but at least one car has one leg at all times.
• I don't get to stay home and study my Bible all day (or more likely, waste far too much of it), but I get enough time.
• We thought we could never have children, and lost the first one, but now God's blessed (debatable, sometimes) us with three.
• The list could go on...

I know how late it is.  Time is running out.  The coming of my salvation is nearer now than when I first believed.  The night is almost gone; the day of salvation is almost here.  Live right now, get rid of evil deeds, the Kingdom of God is at hand.

Steve

[Heidi]

I know how late it is.  Time is running out.  The coming of my salvation is nearer now than when I first believed.  The night is almost gone; the day of salvation is almost here.  Live right now, get rid of evil deeds, the Kingdom of God is at hand.

That about sums it all up Steve.....and the scriptires that George quoted, especially to me v.34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow; for tomorrow shall be anxious for its own things. Sufficient to the day is the evil of it. "

Learn to live only for today.........

Heidi

[judith collier]

rockerdude, boy do I remember those days and I wish I would have known then what I know now. This is how I do it now with 2 blind men, 7 grandchildren and 4 grown children and a few friends, etc, etc, I see EVERYTHING as coming from God, this dilemna, this interruption, this most important task and what I found being willing to address them God seems to make time for me. He knows my needs and how much I can take. He let's me know when I should take a walk, get up and move,etc. Sometimes I would just go in the bathroom for a few min. to catch my breath and be alone and pray for help and not to worry.There was a great Preacher who had a horrible hectic schedule and he said, the more I have to do, well, I just get up that much earlier(not to get things done but to pray for the day ahead) The more we relax the more we can do. Don't try to be perfect in everything. Love, Judy