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Great Seinfeld quotes

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mharrell08:
I know we did this before, but I going to buy Season 9 (the last for my collection) this weekend and wondered how long we could keep this up...so here goes (I separated them by color):


Frank: Okay, where's my boy?

George: Oh my God.

Frank: I'm sitting at home, reading a periodical, and this is the call I get? My son is a bootlegger? (He hits George in the head)

George: Ow! Dad...

Frank: Who put you up to this, was it her?

Elaine: All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.

Frank: My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.

Elaine: You got that right.

Frank: What the hell does that mean?

Elaine: It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.

Frank: You sayin' you want a piece of me?

Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.

Frank: You wanna piece of me? You got it! (They begin to fight)


Jerry: "He re-gifted, then he de-gifted, and now he's using the upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp!!!!"


George: "Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?"


Frank Costanza (Festivus Dinner): "I've got a lot of problems with you people and now you're going to hear about them! Krueger, my son tells me your company stinks! You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date-- *pauses* ah, lost my train of thought."


Elaine: "Somehow Jerry, just when I think you are the shallowest man in the world, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool."


Elaine: Alright, let's go. C'mon. I'll give you half an hour.

Jerry: Huh?

Elaine: Jerry! We have to have sex to save the friendship!

Jerry: Sex to save the friendship. Well if we have to we have to!


Kramer (in a sauna with old men): "Man, it feels like a sauna in here."


Steinbrenner: "I'm sorry to have to tell you that you're son has died."

Frank Costanza: "What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 homeruns and over 100 RBIs last year!...he's got a rocket for an arm...YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU"RE DOING!!!"


George: Maybe you don't have to be so funny. I mean, would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That's all I'm asking. This woman thinks I'm very funny. Now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny."


Jerry: "I'm afraid that my dentist, Tim Watley, has converted to Judaism purely for the jokes!"

Priest: "And that offends you as a jewish person?"

Jerry: "No! It offends me as a comedian!


Keep it going...Joe, I'm looking at you  ;) :D ;D



Marques

mharrell08:
Here's a few more (they can be from any season):

"I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?"
    "He's somebody."
"What about me?"
    "You're nobody."
"Why him? Why not me?"
    "He's good, you're not."
"I'm better than him."
    "You're worse, much much worse."
    - George and Jerry, in "The Ticket"


"Let me see if I understand this. In other words, you held out for... less money."
    "I was wrong, you were right."
"You know, the basic idea of negotiation, as I understand it, is to get your price to go up."
    "You're smart, I'm dumb."
"You know, this is how they negotiate in the bizarro world."
    - Jerry and George, in "The Watch"


"You're going underwater?"
    "Yes. Generally that's where scuba diving is done."
"What do you have to go underwater for? What's down there that's so special?"
    "What's so special up here?"
    - Helen and Jerry, in "The Pen"


"Ordinarily I wouldn't mind, but..."
    "But what?"
"Well, I just got back from swimming in the pool. And the water was cold..."
    "Oh, you mean... Shrinkage."
"Yes. Significant shrinkage."
    "So you feel you were shortchanged."
"Yes. I mean, if she thinks that's me, she's under a complete misapprehension. That was not me, Jerry. That was not me."
    - George and Jerry, in "The Hamptons"


"She's got a big crush on David Letterman, I mean a big crush. She talks about him all the time. Suppose I go up to David Letterman. He works at NBC, I work at NBC. I explain my situation. He agrees to meet her. They go out. They fall madly in love. And she dumps me for David Letterman!"
    "This is your plan?"
"No, no, I'm just thinking."
    "I don't think you are."
    - George and Jerry, in "The Virgin"


Marques

Linny:
LOVE Seinfeld.
Some of our favorites that we use ourselves...

Elaine:
"Did you just roll your eyes at me? Because it should be ME rolling MY eyes at YOU."

Jerry:
"I think you know my policy."

George:
"I have been handicapped all my life and I am just now getting recognition for it."

Extra:
"Did you just double dip? That's like putting your whole mouth in the dip! Next time, just take a chip, dip, and END IT."

Ninny:
Lin,
I love the "rolling the eyes" one! I've used it myself!! ha! :D
Kathy ;)

gmik:
 ;D ;D ;D

Great.  Thanks for posting.

These used to while away the miles on long trips in the car!!

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