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Astrapho:
Lol yes I know.

I've been reading Ray for two weeks now (woah it was that long!) and mostly it's been "OMG THIS CAN'T BE REAL HE MUST BE FABRICATING SOMETHING" and then it's "But wait I can't find anything against it and look at all those emails trying to do such a thing" then it's "BUT NOWAE SO MANY PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS?!" and then it's "God chooses only a few to see" and then it's "No way, this can't be real, I can't be one of them very elects, right? Right? I'm a stupid nobody!"

It really, really doesn't help that recently... Okay, great. This is a very long story but I'll keep it brief. I was from a Roman Catholic church, and I began to see a lot of problems with it and that started my search for God. I was more of," Why do they do all these physical things? How come it's this bread? Why do they say the same things? How do they know what measurements to use everywhere? How come Jesus looks different on the cross all the time? It's not fixed? Why does our rosary thing look so much like Buddhism? Oh, yay look, us Catholics are kinda similar to the other religions, is that good?" Plus a whole lot of other things and thoughts I can't really find words to express.

Then someone from Oneness Pentecostal came over and preached to me a greater truth than the Catholics. No trinity! Yay, we can dance and clap and shout for the Lord! We go all high in the Holy Spirit! We speak in "tongues"! Baptism in Jesus' name only, I mean LOOK all the apostles baptised in Jesus' name! The salvation plan for today, much like Noah's ark and passover during their respective times: Baptism by the Holy Spirit and water in Jesus' name! The alternative is eternal hellfire and you won't get Raptured before the tribulation! Acts 2:38! Revelations! At this time I sought to get out of the Catholic Church and go to the Pentecostal one, thinking about the very same "overcoming" Ray mentioned. Because that Oneness Pentecostal church was the only one of its kind in this country. It seemed grounded in absolute truth.

Then... Then... I found Ray's writings.

There I was, thinking I've gotten the full truth, and there Ray was, saying that... These tongues are fake, there is really no hellfire, we don't need water baptism, there is no "eternity" in the bible, and... There is no physical church on Earth that is, well, really real real. Things in my heart that I somehow believed, things like we don't actually have real free will like the church says, Ray said was true. I never really believed in the Rapture because of its sheer unbelievability. And Ray really said it wasn't true. I couldn't fathom why God wants all people to be immersed and baptized in Jesus' name when sometimes there are physical inhibitations if they want to be "saved" from an eternity of hellfire, even when sometimes they want to do it but died before they could do it. I've literally gotten nightmares about hellfire... Not really me in hellfire, but more of me, in my dream, thinking about hellfire... Without hope; even if you repent in hellfire, God won't hear you. It's for eternity. If you miss the mark by just a little, that's the future for you. Eternity in hellfire. No future. 

You can imagine my emotions now, I guess. Everything I thought was full truth was not really full truth. I've overcome the Catholic Church and I thought I was in the right place, but I really wasn't. But something kept drawing me back to bible-truths. I was somewhere in between absolutely joyous and absolutely wanting to tear out all my hair. This is too extreme. But somehow I thought this was the real deal. I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I want to break off the Pentecostal church. Argh!! I'm afraid I've gotten myself in way too deep and convinced everyone there that I was convicted by "truth" and things...

All because I decided to "test the spirit" of the Pentecostal tongues...

That's basically my life story for the past few months. I'm still reeling. I'm still reading. sometimes I feel like I keep skipping from "one truth to another". Am I too gullible? Am I normal? :o

Anyway, that's not really the whole point. I can't believe I just told my life story, in fact. I just felt like pouring out all my conflicting emotions at once. It's working well.  ;D

HELLO ALL (All I planned to write before I came up with that drivel) !!

jg:
Welcome Astrapho!!!!!

     Thanks for posting your story.  It wasn't long ago I was in the same position you find yourself in right now.  Isn't finding "truth" priceless?  What a ton of emotions we go through.  Like you, I was thinking, "Can I believe this Ray guy?"  "Am I being deceived, tricked into some false teaching?"  The verse about deceiving the very elect kept running through my mind.  But that only drove me to prove something,,anything,, wrong. 

I started out wanting to know about tithing so I googled it up and found myself reading Ray's paper on it.  It made so much scriptural sense.  I dont know about you, but some of the other titles almosty scared me off, like no trinity, tongues and the no hell letters.  I found myself thinking, if Ray's paper on tithing made such sense, I have to go back and read at least one more paper just to see if there might be more truth, or would I find a bunch of crap?  The thing I kept coming back to was how it all seemed to fit in with what the bible said.  I found one thing after another that debunked what I had been taught, none of which I could disprove.

The most important thing God showed me was that He really is Love.  I cried, (dude, I'm a man, not suposed to cry)  anyway, I cried like a baby when the truth of His love was revealed to me through the letter to Hagee on no such thing as a hell that burns people "forever and ever and ever." 
I think thats when I fell in love with God.  I had vowed I'd never serve a god that would burn people forever,,even those who had never heard of how to be saved.  How is that love? How could He expect me to love my enemies when He would burn His enemies, not just for a time, but from this moment on,, with NO end?  What a croc! 

Anyway, you're not alone, many here have basicly the same story as you.

Welcome, in the name of our Lord. 

Joe

Dave in Tenn:
Welcome Astrapho.  I can't add anything much to what jg shared, because the both of you have described my experince as well.  The Light is bright, and the potter's wheel spins pretty fast sometimes, but sometimes it seems like the Lord has to disorient us before He reorients us.  And to think it's only beginning.  I pray we all remain teachable and amazed and that you continue in your reading, studying, and proving.  Anyways, welcome again.  I hope we and you are greatly benefitted from our association in this forum.

Coach Kimo:
Hi Astrapho!
Thank you for sharing your heart about being torn in the middle of being a "pentacostal" believer. The "pentacostal" movement is a very deceptive movement. I can attest to being in your shoes and searching for biblical answers while at the same time being a "holy roller." I was involved with a faith healing ministry for several years. I praise God for bringing me out of the "pentacostal" movement and I praise Him for bringing you out too.

Many of today's mainstream Christian churches (it's what I refer to them as) have so much anti-Christ teachings in them. But the sheep are made to live in fear and guilt if they don't participate or act and do like everyone else - You know that, right?. Well, it is very "cultish" and of course it's modern day brain washing "In the name of Jesus."

Praise God for the light that shines within you. May the Lord continue to give you strength, wisdom and understanding.

The grace and peace of our Lord Jesus be upon you.

Marky Mark:
Welcome to the forum Astrapho,and hope to hear more from you :)


Peace...Mark

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