Lol yes I know.
I've been reading Ray for two weeks now (woah it was that long!) and mostly it's been "OMG THIS CAN'T BE REAL HE MUST BE FABRICATING SOMETHING" and then it's "But wait I can't find anything against it and look at all those emails trying to do such a thing" then it's "BUT NOWAE SO MANY PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS?!" and then it's "God chooses only a few to see" and then it's "No way, this can't be real, I can't be one of them very elects, right? Right? I'm a stupid nobody!"
It really, really doesn't help that recently... Okay, great. This is a very long story but I'll keep it brief. I was from a Roman Catholic church, and I began to see a lot of problems with it and that started my search for God. I was more of," Why do they do all these physical things? How come it's this bread? Why do they say the same things? How do they know what measurements to use everywhere? How come Jesus looks different on the cross all the time? It's not fixed? Why does our rosary thing look so much like Buddhism? Oh, yay look, us Catholics are kinda similar to the other religions, is that good?" Plus a whole lot of other things and thoughts I can't really find words to express.
Then someone from Oneness Pentecostal came over and preached to me a greater truth than the Catholics. No trinity! Yay, we can dance and clap and shout for the Lord! We go all high in the Holy Spirit! We speak in "tongues"! Baptism in Jesus' name only, I mean LOOK all the apostles baptised in Jesus' name! The salvation plan for today, much like Noah's ark and passover during their respective times: Baptism by the Holy Spirit and water in Jesus' name! The alternative is eternal hellfire and you won't get Raptured before the tribulation! Acts 2:38! Revelations! At this time I sought to get out of the Catholic Church and go to the Pentecostal one, thinking about the very same "overcoming" Ray mentioned. Because that Oneness Pentecostal church was the only one of its kind in this country. It seemed grounded in absolute truth.
Then... Then... I found Ray's writings.
There I was, thinking I've gotten the full truth, and there Ray was, saying that... These tongues are fake, there is really no hellfire, we don't need water baptism, there is no "eternity" in the bible, and... There is no physical church on Earth that is, well, really real real. Things in my heart that I somehow believed, things like we don't actually have real free will like the church says, Ray said was true. I never really believed in the Rapture because of its sheer unbelievability. And Ray really said it wasn't true. I couldn't fathom why God wants all people to be immersed and baptized in Jesus' name when sometimes there are physical inhibitations if they want to be "saved" from an eternity of hellfire, even when sometimes they want to do it but died before they could do it. I've literally gotten nightmares about hellfire... Not really me in hellfire, but more of me, in my dream, thinking about hellfire... Without hope; even if you repent in hellfire, God won't hear you. It's for eternity. If you miss the mark by just a
little, that's the future for you. Eternity in hellfire. No future.
You can imagine my emotions now, I guess. Everything I thought was full truth was not really full truth. I've overcome the Catholic Church and I thought I was in the right place, but I really wasn't. But something kept drawing me back to bible-truths. I was somewhere in between absolutely joyous and absolutely wanting to tear out all my hair. This is too extreme. But somehow I thought this was the real deal. I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I want to break off the Pentecostal church. Argh!! I'm afraid I've gotten myself in way too deep and convinced everyone there that I was convicted by "truth" and things...
All because I decided to "test the spirit" of the Pentecostal tongues...
That's basically my life story for the past few months. I'm still reeling. I'm still reading. sometimes I feel like I keep skipping from "one truth to another". Am I too gullible? Am I normal?
Anyway, that's not really the whole point. I can't believe I just told my life story, in fact. I just felt like pouring out all my conflicting emotions at once. It's working well.
HELLO ALL (
All I planned to write before I came up with that drivel) !!