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[Marky Mark]

Satan vists the church

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."

[EKnight]

Okay that's it!!!  I am on a mission (and I invite all women here to join me) to find every anti male-joke I can find on the internet!

Watch out guys.

Eileen

[indianabob]

Eileen,

Pardon me please I have a question.
How is it that everyone else recognized Satan when he appeared?
Had they seen him before?

Just really curious.

Bob

[stephen]

We males are only expressing what is true and correct Eileen. No reason to surf the net and search for nasty rumours and yarns about about us. We have feelings you know.

Stephen

Haha!

[judith collier]

Stephen, please do not get me started again, I still have to live with that last retort I gave and I usually escalate. Judy

[judith collier]

Indianabob, Satan probably(for the sake of this joke) appeared with the horns and pitchfork dressed in red!  Judy

[judith collier]

Mark and Stephen I must tell you about last night(remember I escalate) In 40 years of living in this big old barn which is across from the river we have had 2 mice (thank you, I am a good housekeeper) The second one I saw was last night. Now, I have a MAN for a husband(I'm traditional)and so when I hollered,"Bob, hurry come here" my knight slowly sauntered in and said in a condescending voice,"what". I pointed to the hall closet and yelled "mouse". Now remember this MAN cannot see 2 ft. in front of him(I figure I am helping him by expecting him to use what capabilities he has left) so, he got down on the floor and was going through the closet when the mouse darted out and ran into another room. I enquired about mouse traps and where did he put them from the last time. Of course HE did not know and HE did not know when HE could see either, this MAN never knew where anything was!!!! Now here is the ingenuity of MAN, Somehow HE made a piece of duck tape with the sticky side up and stuck it to the floor and laid a piece of cheese on it,(I am still shaking my head)  I guess the mouse is supposed to stick to the tape while it is eating the cheese!!! If you want to hear my reply, please just ask me. Judy

[jassy]

Mark and Stephen I must tell you about last night(remember I escalate) In 40 years of living in this big old barn which is across from the river we have had 2 mice (thank you, I am a good housekeeper) The second one I saw was last night. Now, I have a MAN for a husband(I'm traditional)and so when I hollered,"Bob, hurry come here" my knight slowly sauntered in and said in a condescending voice,"what". I pointed to the hall closet and yelled "mouse". Now remember this MAN cannot see 2 ft. in front of him(I figure I am helping him by expecting him to use what capabilities he has left) so, he got down on the floor and was going through the closet when the mouse darted out and ran into another room. I enquired about mouse traps and where did he put them from the last time. Of course HE did not know and HE did not know when HE could see either, this MAN never knew where anything was!!!! Now here is the ingenuity of MAN, Somehow HE made a piece of duck tape with the sticky side up and stuck it to the floor and laid a piece of cheese on it,(I am still shaking my head)  I guess the mouse is supposed to stick to the tape while it is eating the cheese!!! If you want to hear my reply, please just ask me. Judy

Judy I have to tell you this. My husband is absolutely fearless unless the creature has more than  four legs. We were talking to our africaans neighbour one day who we had allowed to plant an eggplant crop on part of our plot. We were out in the land and our neighbour said he was having problems with the guinea fowls scratching up the seedlings.
The africaans word for guinea fowl is tarantale.  Which sounds very much like tarantula. Dave, being british and not fully versed in africaans started nervously looking around for big spiders.
I of course, immediately clicked what his problem was and started laughing. It escalated into hysteria as he nervously bade our neighbour goodbye and hotfooted it back to the house. I have never seen a 125kg man move that fast. I got a smack on the butt for my entertainment. He was really angry with me, but boy, was it worth it.

[stephen]

Hi Jassy, I'm from South Africa and Afrikaans is like my second language. Give your neighbour a message from me and tell him "alles is lekker" here in South Africa. You can pronounce it "Alice is lacker" with a heavy emphasis on the r.... and the A in Alice is pronounced like the U in up. In Afrikaans "lekker" is the word used for anything that's very very nice.

By the way, I hope you haven't corrupted the couple. In South Africa the woman know their place.

Stephen

[Ninny]

Ok Steven, it is obvious to me that you are not married! You need to lighten up a little on us women. If you don't start seeing women in a more positive way you are going to end up a lonely, crusty, old man with no grandchildren to soften up your old age!
Kathy

[jassy]

Hi Jassy, I'm from South Africa and Afrikaans is like my second language. Give your neighbour a message from me and tell him "alles is lekker" here in South Africa. You can pronounce it "Alice is lacker" with a heavy emphasis on the r.... and the A in Alice is pronounced like the U in up. In Afrikaans "lekker" is the word used for anything that's very very nice.

By the way, I hope you haven't corrupted the couple. In South Africa the woman know their place.

Stephen

Stephen. you misunderstand. I am a south african and my husband Dave is a permanent resident of SA.  We live on a plot in Vanderbijlpark where the incident took place. He was a nice sweet british lad when he arrived here in his twenties.
He picked up all sorts of nasty habits from south african lads and now I am saddled with an oke.
I mean, hello! just because I am laughing hysterically at his paranoia of spiders in front of someone else, and then continued to do so for at least half an hour after he kept telling me to stop, does that warrant a swat on the bum? No and again I say no!
Yep, SA women know their place,  and its generally far away from angry husbands.

[Craig]

If you don't start seeing women in a more positive way you are going to end up a lonely, crusty, old man with no grandchildren to soften up your old age!

Only if he's lucky.

Craig

[Samson]

Okay that's it!!!  I am on a mission (and I invite all women here to join me) to find every anti male-joke I can find on the internet!

Watch out guys.

Eileen

         We will be ready, Eileen, because Hell hath no fury,  , don't worry, this whole country is
         becoming Anti Male, what else is new. 

                                       Kind Regards, Samson.

[stephen]

Ok Steven, it is obvious to me that you are not married! You need to lighten up a little on us women. If you don't start seeing women in a more positive way you are going to end up a lonely, crusty, old man with no grandchildren to soften up your old age!
Kathy

You're to late Kathy, I already have 6 grandchildren who have krept into my heart and softened it. The latest grandson is 6 weeks old. I haven't seen him yet as my son and his lovely wife (see how nice I can be) stay in Cape Town.

I'll give one pluss to you ladies - we men can't live without you, but we have to keep up the image.

Stephen

[stephen]

Hi Jassy, I'm from South Africa and Afrikaans is like my second language. Give your neighbour a message from me and tell him "alles is lekker" here in South Africa. You can pronounce it "Alice is lacker" with a heavy emphasis on the r.... and the A in Alice is pronounced like the U in up. In Afrikaans "lekker" is the word used for anything that's very very nice.

By the way, I hope you haven't corrupted the couple. In South Africa the woman know their place.

Stephen

Stephen. you misunderstand. I am a south african and my husband Dave is a permanent resident of SA.  We live on a plot in Vanderbijlpark where the incident took place. He was a nice sweet british lad when he arrived here in his twenties.
He picked up all sorts of nasty habits from south african lads and now I am saddled with an oke.
I mean, hello! just because I am laughing hysterically at his paranoia of spiders in front of someone else, and then continued to do so for at least half an hour after he kept telling me to stop, does that warrant a swat on the bum? No and again I say no!
Yep, SA women know their place,  and its generally far away from angry husbands.

Sorry about that misunderstanding Jassy. It's good to know there are some more of us weirdos around. I stay out on the West rand, in Constantia park.
I can understand your husbands paranoia. "Souf Efrikin spaaiders can be veri wieshes". He could be suffering great trauma. You should repent of your actions, bake him a lovely cake and give him lots of love. Very biblical advice.

Stephen

[judith collier]

Craig, et tu Brute!!!!!!   Judy

[judith collier]

Jassy, it is rare we get to laugh at the guys, their pride keeps them very controlled!!!! Very funny, if I had been there we would have laughed a good hour and peed our pants.  Judy

[judith collier]

Stephen and Jassy, are South Africans from Holland or Sweden? That accent Stephen wrote sounds that way. My grandparents were from Belgium, they spoke Flemish. Judy

[judith collier]

Samson, women love men, we just don't understand them all the time, in fact, very little. I like a man who can laugh, take a joke, is secure, responsible, somewhat affectionate, thoughtful, and not too many bad habits and not take such offense as though we were criticizing you. We women always give back twice as much. It really is those little things. And we don't always want you guys to fix things or situations just hear us out. Women have a need to talk things out, we do not compartmentalize like you. Most everything is important to us. We are relationship bound mostly, so you are going to hear all about the kids, your mother, our friends, our mother, father, grandparents, ad nauseum. And we usually have about 10 things going at once. Take your complaints to the Lord, he made us this way. Love, Judy

[cjwood]

this thread is really starting to crack me up!  . as a woman, i side with the ladies. laughter and being able to laugh at oneself is a characteristic i find very appealing in men and in women. we women just seem to be able to laugh at ourselves without having to be concerned about what one thinks. i love judy's response of "take your complaints to the Lord, He made us this way". priceless stuff you guys!

claudia

p.s.  i love men, even if they are from mars