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=> Off Topic Discussions => Topic started by: Craig on January 25, 2011, 12:56:28 PM
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Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Butthead and Dipstick.
EATING OUT
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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Some gems there Craig!
You should do Marriage Counseling ;D
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Love em Craig. Hope you dont mind if I add a few more that came across?
1. "I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
4. "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. I JUST HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was busy admiring that redhead over there."
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
10. "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
12. "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
15. "I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
Thanks for the laughs all, it's good medicine.
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I recall these lyrics.....well there you go man. Keep as cool as you can. It rials them to believe that you perceive the web they weave. Keep on thinking free! ;D