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=> General Discussions => Topic started by: dre91 on February 24, 2012, 03:20:55 PM
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Can I remarry after a divorce?
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Why would you think you could not? Who or what would be preventing you?
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Why on earth would anyone want to. Freedom, Freedom, Freedom.
Longhorn
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Can I remarry after a divorce?
Hi dre91,
I've only been married once and I don't know your circumstances, but my advice would be to proceed very carefully and with great deliberation.
Once we know what we have been given by God's spirit we are expected to use the knowledge wisely. Please consider, what is the rush to remarry? Would another year or two of living alone and focusing your attention on building a life for yourself that you would then be able to share be a benefit or not. From my perspective you are a young man and there may be reasons that you may need to work on yourself before becoming responsible for the life of another person.
If you are concerned that the lady in question cannot wait, please think about what she would do if you were to die of a heart attack tonight. I'm sure she would deal with the situation and find the necessary help.
Your responsibility is to properly use the knowledge God has given you with patience and wisdom.
Kindly, Bob
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Hi, Dre
I'm taking the easy way out and going with Marques' response. :)
Advice? Glad you asked!
It's been said, people should approach marriage with eyes wide open, and shut them tight afterwards. ;-) Because..familiarity breeds contempt.
It's also been said that men enter marriage with repressed feelings of guilt, and women enter marriage with repressed feelings of anger. RRrrrrreerrr! Hssss--hsssss. RRRReeer!
Here's a video I found through a friend. You'll want to be sitting down for this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBSx6zlmyj0
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Can I remarry after a divorce?
If you're fortunate enough to find a decent single woman these days, then why not?
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I NEVER understood this verse of Matthew 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and WHOEVER marries HER who is divorced commits adultery."
WHY--does a WOMAN bear responsibility for facing a single life (in order not to be involved in adultery through remarriage), when it was HER HUSBAND that divorced HER?! WHY is the "would be husband" committing adultery by marrying a woman
who was "cast out" by her HUSBAND? God, does not this shunted wife deserve to find happiness thru re-marriage?
To me, this is akin to the Muslim men who gang raped a woman, and THEN had the WOMAN stoned for "engaging" in sex!
(TRUE INCIDENT!)
In my case, the LESSONS I LEARNED from MY mistakes in my first marriage--helped me/us build a solid second marriage.
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Can I remarry after a divorce?
If you're fortunate enough to find a decent single woman these days, then why not?
lol "Decent" huh? Meaning....
Oh, well.
Dre and I can still text each other, though...right?
;)
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Decent is relative to what you're seeking i guess. For me it would be 'Poundcake' - that down home, wholesome goodness, simple and sweet. Such a rare thing.
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I will never understand why people get "married" multiple times. The whole idea of marriaged is to NOT be divorced ever! Yet I hear people tell me all the time they have been married three times??? Do they realize what they are saying? I think not.
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I will never understand why people get "married" multiple times. The whole idea of marriaged is to NOT be divorced ever! Yet I hear people tell me all the time they have been married three times??? Do they realize what they are saying? I think not.
Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Mat 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
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Decent is relative to what you're seeking i guess. For me it would be 'Poundcake' - that down home, wholesome goodness, simple and sweet. Such a rare thing.
Can't say I'm one, but I've known plenty of them in my life. But keep in mind, women are endowed with loads of intuition when it comes to the intentions of others and especially the intentions of the male gender. (That's why most heterosexual females get along so well with gay men.)
The reason for that, as it is believed by at least some, is because females for the most part aren't blessed with the physical ability to protect themselves from the ill-intentions of the stronger, more dominant male, so they use their intuition -- kind of like an inner "alert" system that causes bells and whistles to go off inside their heads when they sense something's eschew.
For instance, I met this really sweet guy recently (I mean really, really sweet) and I liked him a lot, but I could tell he wasn't being on the level with me, and when I asked him if he was over his ex-girlfriend, he said "Of course! Why would you ask that?" I didn't know why I would ask that, it just came to me. And sure enough, about a week after that, after it was decided that we wouldn't pursue a friendship or anything beyond that, I discovered he was back with his ex. And I don't blame him--that girl's got it going on. Talk about a beauty with brains and sweet. He'd be a fool to let her go in the first place.
The point is, I knew intuitively that something wasn't right and when I found out I was right on the money, I realized this "women's intuition" jazz isn't hocus pocus.
That's not the first time something like that's happened. Maybe keep that in mind when searching for a mate.
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I would caution always that one temper any 'feelings' with rational thought first. It's best not to make assumptions. As the saying goes.. Anyway, interesting thought but probably best not to threadjack.
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'I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. (Malachi 2:16)
Judge that! ;)
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'I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. (Malachi 2:16)
Judge that! ;)
"the Lord God of Israel" hates ALL manner of sin. Search and you will find a hundred examples.
But only God is worthy to judge us.
You may not have sinned in one way, but you commit many other sins, every day.
Mat 7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Mat 7:4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Mat 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Try to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" and you will not be so quick to judge, but instead try to develop empathy.
We are all individuals and our trials are individualized by God to teach each one of us our own set of lessons.
God is not creating cookie-cutter sons and daughters.
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'I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. (Malachi 2:16)
Judge that! ;)
Hmmm... I usually don't make any comments, but this morning I can't resist:
Proverbs 6:16-19 (King James Version)
16These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Dennis,
Thanks for your comments; as always, I appreciate your wisdom.
Angie
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Both Dennis and River are right. It is not judging to point out the scriptural admonitions not to sin. That is correct. And if your guilty of them, don't call the one pointing that out "judging". You mean we cannot point out God's standards? I think the attitude behind it is what constitures "judging" And are we to always assume someone has the wrong attitude, when they point out scriptural standards?
And God is not designing cookie cutter sons and daughters, our each individual experience of evil are "custom designed" We all need to learn our own lessons, and a large dose of empathy for one another is appreciated and the spiritual thing to do.
I persoanlly feel that judging scripture is used everywhere. And I personally do not take offense if Nathan the prophet says to me.."Thou are the man" if I am the man.
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River said:
I will never understand why people get "married" multiple times. The whole idea of marriaged is to NOT be divorced ever! Yet I hear people tell me all the time they have been married three times??? Do they realize what they are saying? I think not.
Then Doug said:
Both Dennis and River are right.
I don't think so. River is dead wrong. I suspect River is a young man and has not lived long enough to experience much grief.
This is not just about divorce - It's about missing the mark (sinning) and judging others for it.
My wife left me and our three young children and ran off with her hair-dresser many years ago. My grief was enormous. It took the majority of my adult life to get over it.
I remember reading a biography many years ago of (I think) J. Paul Getty where he said he would give up his entire fortune for one successful marriage.
Does anyone in their right mind enter into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce?
Do you not think that when a marriage ends there is not a lot of grief on both sides?
Be careful for what you condemn others for - It could happen to you someday.
You can apply this to all types missing the mark (sins) and judging. Drug addicts, drunkenness, religious zealots who murder people in the name of their god, thieves, etc.
All wrong, but given similar conditions, YOU would do the same!
Don't think so? Imagine a Jewish baby switched at birth with a Palestinian baby. That baby would grow up hating Jews.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEB0SvMzKzg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEB0SvMzKzg)
YOU can be molded into anything God preordained. Judge not.
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Dennis that is a heartbreaker of a story. As you said, we need empathy and understanding, for each other, as we are all in this together.
I just did not think River was condemning anyone. I really don't perhaps I am wrong. I think he was pointing out the what the scripture says.
Clearly, you ex wife broke these laws, causing incredible pain. SO the law, not to do those things, is good. If she would of obeyed, it would of saved you a whole lot of pain.
I think that is my point. Is the Law bad? No, it is a schoolmaster, to show how we all need a saviour, we all need Jesus. I think God will hold all of us accountable for what we do, we will give an account. To tell someone what they are doing is wrong, is not an evil. If you were being condemned for the actions of another, that is unjust. Do you not think God is going to make you ex give account? Like we all will? And will he not require you to forgive (as I am sure you already have)
I just didn't see a spirit of condemnation, but I could be completely wrong. And if I am doing something evil, like your ex wife is did, then she should of repented if someone told her what she was doing was evil. Even if she didn't care to hear it, that will be part of what needs to be used in judgement. JMHO.
Yes, we are are being broken into powder. Some ways are very painful. Your story is a very tough one and that was very close to any "hell", no doubt.
NOTE..not part of this discussion....As an aside, an edit, I just want to point out that perhaps I am a little hypersensitive to the use of the judge not scripture, because it is used everywhere, everybody, if any type of restriction or label is put on their behaviour. Every type of behaviour is excused by the ungodly by this scripture, if you try to point out the Scriptures say some things are sins. Also, I have learned to have a thick skin, that if someone points out to me my shortcomings, I truly try to evaluate the merit in the claim. If the claim has no merit, then I just leave it in the hands of God. If it has merit, I try to change and repent.
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NOTE..not part of this discussion....As an aside, an edit, I just want to point out that perhaps I am a little hypersensitive to the use of the judge not scripture, because it is used everywhere, everybody, if any type of restriction or label is put on their behaviour. Every type of behaviour is excused by the ungodly by this scripture, if you try to point out the Scriptures say some things are sins. Also, I have learned to have a thick skin, that if someone points out to me my shortcomings, I truly try to evaluate the merit in the claim. If the claim has no merit, then I just leave it in the hands of God. If it has merit, I try to change and repent.
I understand your point Doug. But sometimes there is a tendency to confuse wickedness and weakness. Very few in the world are inherently evil and wicked. But sin is so prevalent because humanity is too spiritually weak to resist sin.
That's the wisdom behind the verse in question. Would we condemn and judge a paraplegic for being unable to stand? No, we should have mercy on them and assist them in overcoming this obstacle in their life. It's not much different with being given the faith to remain strong in a world of spiritual iniquity compared to another who has not been blessed in like manner.
And also, as Dennis noted, we make light of difficult decisions and experiences when we have not been through them ourselves. It's always easier from the outside and with hindsight to say this or that. It's a whole other ball game when you're in the thick of it. And most important, God uses our indiscretions to teach us, so those indiscretions must happen. We can only learn if we stumble and fall in life. Not a license for sin, but simply a big picture reason as to the why.
Marques
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Jesus said, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Matt. 9:13
The top of the ark of the covenant, which represented God's throne, was known as the "mercy seat."
"Mercy and truth preserve the king, and by mercy he upholds his throne." Proverbs 20:28
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Jesus said, "But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." Matt. 9:13
The top of the ark of the covenant, which represented God's throne, was known as the "mercy seat."
"Mercy and truth preserve the king, and by mercy he upholds his throne." Proverbs 20:28
I love that.
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Hey Dennis,
I am sorry you misunderstood my post. And I am sorry others have jumped on the band wagon to make what I consider personal attacks. I guess you are not aware that I have been married and divorced. My age is 43 in less than a month. Also my wife left me with a 3 year old son who I have raised on my own. I also have battled mental illness since I was 18 after being medically discharged from the Marines. I have spent over a year in hospital stays for mental breakdowns. I have been put in five point restraints more times than I can keep track of. And I have been Baker Acted many times as well. I have lived off disability most of my life. But I am not into a contest with anyone on who has suffered more grief. I try to accept my life and do my best. You if desire to keep throwing stones my way, feel free. Your wasting your time because I know I am a sinner and I know I don't have the answers. What ever I write I also have applied to myself. So yes when I wrote about people getting married and divorced, I was included in that! My post still stands, we don't understand! I didn't think my wife would ever leave me and my son. I never worked for that to happen or planned it to happen. And that is one of my points. From the sounds of it you must of thought I was coming down (judging) people who have been married and divorced. But now you know, I've been there! I personally could care less about that sort of marriage anymore. I like the marriage proposel God has given me. And he don't leave nor forsake. :D
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River my heart went out to you bless you it truly is a very unique struggle that you have mental illness runs in my family and it is very difficult Thank God you know Jesus Christ what a blessing my father and sister are both mentally ill and have a personal relationship with Christ which has been extremely helpful in their daily struggles my son Josh has a way to go but our love is strong for him as our prayers are many. these are issues are to understand peggy
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Wow. Do we even remember dre91's original post: "Can I remarry after a divorce?"
Sounds as if he is asking whether God permits this. From the responses, it sounds like a yes. But perhaps everyone who does should be led by their conscience, and should do so in faith, rather than guilt.
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Now there is some irony. Some people who were railing against "judging" were apparently guilty of doing just that very thing.
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The person we are in a burning building isn't the person we are at a picnic.
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Hi dre,
I had wondered how you were. It's nice to see you on the forum.
Since the Bible likens the marriage of a man and a woman to Christ and His Church, it's not surprising that we are to be mindful of the Holiness it represents.
Can you remarry? I fervently hope so. Whatever you do, do it in faith.
I love Ephesians 5:25-33, especially in the amplified version. It speaks of the sacrificial love that a husband should have for his wife. If you feel led to love like that, then your life and your wife will be truly blessed.
Whatever you do I pray God's mercy and peace over you.
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Can I remarry after a divorce?
I would say- Follow your heart. if you feel led to remarry. go for it. Just do it for Love.
Denise
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Now there is some irony. Some people who were railing against "judging" were apparently guilty of doing just that very thing.
Don't start, Doug.
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Since most of us here are supposed like-minded, then it's fine if we (with enough evidence and love) try to reprehend someone for his own good and for the good of the ones around.
One of the restrictions of online communication is that we can't see others hands movements, face exprecions, tone of voice, etc. therefore what we write is what matter the most and what we write is most of the evidence from where others can decode what we are trying to say. So I guess it is important that we try to convey well what are we really trying to mean when we write.
Dennis response regarding judging have been a good lesson for me to remember. It reminds me a writing from Ray called 'Repentence and guilty of all', it is one of my favorite ones. I believe that it is a good exercise to try to put your self in the shoes of many others and then try as best as we can to judge not.
''All wrong, but given similar conditions, YOU would do the same!''
Yes, I can certainly apply those principles to other kinds of mistakes (sins). If people around here (the forum) wouldn't know better then there is no point on telling them to judge not.
With people whom doesn't know better we should not even get surprised when they do something that it is wrong.
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Now there is some irony. Some people who were railing against "judging" were apparently guilty of doing just that very thing.
If you are referring to me Doug, in what way am I guilty of judging?
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Can I remarry after a divorce?
Hi Dre,
I've been following this Thread since the beginning, deciding to wait awhile to Post. As some Forum Members know, at least some, maybe more, I have much experience in this area, Marriage/Divorce/Separation and even some instances of Porneia(both parties involved in some cases), All to my Eonian shame, nothing to be proud of, but fact non the less.
The bottom line is that you can't UNRING A BELL, meaning this, if your legally divorced from a previous Marriage and are now contemplating Marrying someone else, that's your choice. Hopefully, for your sake, you've had enough experience with previous relationships to have presently learned to proceed with caution before saying " I Do," Perhaps you might want to get Married to avoid committing Fornication(Porneia), Premarital Sex in this case. If that's true, that's good, but you certainly wouldn't want to sin by getting Married to someone your not evenly yoked with and putting yourself in a position where the odds might indicate it could lead to the same problem again, ie- another relationship that might lead to divorce.
Of course, only God knows the Beginning & End of every matter, what exactly is going to transpire in the relationship, providing you decide to say " I Do," still it would behoove anyone of us to proceed with caution in this Choice, Marriage that is, especially if Our experience has taught us the hard reality of what an unsound choice could lead to.
I know, the power of physical sexual attraction can be strong and cause us to getting Married and if We believe that We like that Person, that will add weight towards choosing to do so.
I mentioned UNRINGING A BELL earlier. Please let Me explain by sharing an experience. Back in 1989, I divorced my first Wife, I fell in "Love" with a Younger Woman and Married Her shortly after Divorcing My first Wife, I really didn't want to Marry this second Wife, at least, not right away. My intellect told Me to wait, but I didn't want to lose Her, plus She cried, whined, nagged, etc, so I caved in and We got Married. A Minister friend of mine told Me that since My divorce wasn't on scriptural grounds(Porneia), I would have to return to my first Wife, even if it meant getting rid of my second Wife. Of course I thought that was ridiculous, but He insisted that the divorce of My first Wife wasn't valid, because I committed Porneia and She didn't. This Minister applied the passage at Matthew. 19:3-9 to the exact tee, meaning this: My wife would be eligible for obtaining a Divorce, because she didn't commit Adultery, but since I got divorced on Unscriptural grounds, My divorce was invalid and so was My new Marriage.
See how complicated this might get, you can't unring a bell. If you got drunk or told an insignificant Lie, could you undue or eliminate what you already did or if you punched someone in the nose ten years ago, can you undue what you already did. All you can do now, is pray to God to cause you to make better choices than the ones you made in the past.
The comments in this type of a thread can be addressed from so many directions, it can get confusing. Hope this might help and not ruffle too many feathers. I might make a comment to River and maybe some others. Kat explained to Me about inserting quotes in a dark box in order to answer more than one Person in the same Post, but I have to practice that first, ;).
Kind Regards, Samson.
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Dre,
If you get remarried, promise me you'll play this for your wife on your honeymoon, wherever that may be.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy8AHo3R-RM&feature=autoplay&list=PLFF839D5A5DC531F0&lf=plpp_video&playnext=2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy8AHo3R-RM&feature=autoplay&list=PLFF839D5A5DC531F0&lf=plpp_video&playnext=2)
(I will give the first person to come up with the lyrics to that song...a "kudos." ;D)
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Hi Gina,
I listened to the song and it was nice music, but why would a man want to play it for his intended or his wife? Was there a message that a woman would appreciate?
I'm old and dumb, but I can be romantic given the right motivation. Sorry I just don't see why you offered it to Dre 8)
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I don't know a lick of Portuguese, so if there's a message, I wouldn't know. Just something in my head tells me its honeymoon music. ;D
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Gina,
You sure know how to hijack a thread. Nice.
I think in this case the hijacking was for the better, though :).
Josh
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Gina,
You sure know how to hijack a thread. Nice.
I think in this case the hijacking was for the better, though :).
Josh
I try! ;D