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=> Off Topic Discussions => Topic started by: musicman on November 08, 2008, 12:43:32 PM
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You know, I've read more and more that teaching on this forum is against the rules. I must say, no one has considered the possibility of personal revelations from God. Suppose, one had been given some new revelation not written in the scriptures. No, I mean a real one from god. Yes, and that person knows that it is real because they done got it while in the spirit. Well, such a revelation happened to me last night. It all started after chugging several bottles of beer and going to bed feeling the spirit of god's swaying (back and forth, that is). Now, I can already hear the naysayers tellin me about some spirit of Satan or something. Yeah right, like Satan's gonna make me drink all of that beer? Anyway, I was given a clear picture of how everything was created by God through the son. Here's how it all happened:
It all started with a plan. god the father had written his plans for a perfect existence for all angels and all life on a sparkly and large rock (about as big as Jupiter, except flat) on a scroll stretching through infinate space. Now, his first creation was his son (christ). Christ became an inquisitive lad, getting into all of the father's stuff, including his scroll on creation. Now little christ was looking through dad's plans when he saw something about the fourth of July (actual dates had not yet been invented, nor had fireworks and such) and he became obsessed with celebrating this future day right now. So, little christ went through daddy's stuff and found raw materials to make firecrackers and propane. Anyway, being a pyromaniac, the son thought of all of these ways to have fun with the boom boom. Unfortunately, he decided to light quatrillions of megatons of propane to see what would happen.
Man, was there a big bang!! So big that it destroyed the father's scroll containing his perfect plans. Chaos in-sued with little bits of matter forming all over the place.
The father was mad. He said, jesus christ!!, look at the mess you've made. You've destroyed all of my plans. Well, you no what? You're going to clean it up and create the heavens and the earth and all that is in them by yourself.
Auuuhhhh but pa, I don't know how to create all of that.
Well, here, I'll give you the knowledge you need. Poof!!
Now get busy. Just one thing though, son. When you are creating the angels, you will feel compelled to make one absolutely perfect. You may name him. .. .ah. .... .Lucifer, or something. But I implore you, do not give him free will because. . . . . .
Why Pa, he can't love me without free will. Besides, he'll be perfect so he can't screw up or rebel or anything.
I warn you son. Perfection is only perfect until one freewills it away. That includes mankind.
Oh, don't worry Pa. I'll create this really hot place called hell. That will scare everybody into submission. They will never choose evil.
Needless to say, Lucifer became Satan and mankind chose evil, despite being made perfect. Anyway, I'm waiting for my next revelation. I should be in the spirit soon. Hey look!! Beer!!
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You're too much. Where do you come up with this stuff? ;D
I don't know what you do for a living but comedy is your niche. ;)
Eileen
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LOL :D
Marques
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Just how many of those beers did you have musicman?
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And that my friends is why we don't allow teaching on the forum ;)
Craig
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;D ;D ;D
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There's one born every minute. A few minutes ago, Paula called me over to the computer and said, "hey, look - here's somethin' new - I didn't know it happened like that". I grabbed her hands off the keyboard just as she was startin' to reply. she jumped up all huffy and went to the kitchen. but she's OK now 'cause I just heard her yell down the hallway at me, "Honey, you want some more wine while I'm up?"
Dewey
P.S. And she's got dark hair!!! LOL
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And that my friends is why we don't allow teaching on the forum ;)
Craig
Craig.
Amen to that. I see musicman is receiving revelation in a sprit of dissipation. But at least he is thinking about God in some form……LOL
In God’s love. Richard.
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Ok, musicman! You have gone too far this time! Craig, do you smell anything funny here? ??? I don't think he's drinking beer, I think he's smoking CRACK!! :o Musicman, just remain calm and turn yourself in, no one will hurt you! ;) :D ;D STOP MAKING ME LAUGH!! I'm trying to help you here! >:( :D ;D ;) *sigh*
Kathy ;D
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Musicman,
That could not be beer, more like 178.55 proof pure white lightening ???; now that will make for some real
movement in and of the spirit ::) LOL ;D . Now if you go for Tequila (con la hormiga) and chew the (hormiga)
that will fill you with some bad tasting stuff :-X. I speak the truth vewwyy baaad taste.
george.
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Yeah, there's something funny about this beer. I think I'll try the coolaid this time. So I says Lord!! Give me the spirit Lord. And the lord answered with this new revelation:
So the universe took a bit longer than jesus had planned on. In fact it took billions of years longer because Satan kept screwing it up, causing him to have to fix it over and over. On to the Earth. The son said, I know that I can create it in six days. Dad said I have to. So a day must be. . .... . this long. We'll just say one Earth rotation will be a day. Man, this is taking long. The tedious process required creating a planet where life could flourish. OK, let me just clear the atmosphere and cool the surface, Satan, stop sending those meteors!! Oh, now I have to start over. OK, now the planet is ready for life. Ha ha Satan. I was able to do this in only three days. . . .. .What,,,, it's been about a billion years? I haven't even created those microscopic thingees. Well, here they are. Now I can start making multicellular. . . . . no, don't tell me it's been an additional 3 billion years. That's it Satan, I'm gonna create these giant lizards that will trample you into the Earth. Ha ha. . . . .what da hell is that? No!!! not another meteor?!! Curse you Satan!! I'm way behind schedule now.
What am I going to do? Man will freewill himself to study fossils and rock formations and will find out how long it took to make this planet and universe, using radiometric dating. They will laugh at the creator because he had to take so much time. The son panicked and sought a way to trick man into thinking that it was all done in only 6000 years. Hey Satan, little help here? Satan agreed to create theologians who would insist on a recent creation. Problem solved. After all, scientists will never have more credibility than god, will they?
The flood should take care of it. All layers of rocks and fossils will be thought of as the result of a worldly flood, even though I will only flood one localized section of it. Ha ha scientists. Nobody will ever believe you.
But men free willed themselves to reject silly theologians and invented a man by the name of Bill Maher.
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"Satan stop sending those meteors"
Hilarious!!! :D :D :D
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Musicman'
You are a bleedin genius when you sip that elixer ;D. I thought he was spawned by godzirra and mothra mating. ???
Now i understand what the silver surfer was talking about.
Yeah, there's something funny about this beer. I think I'll try the coolaid this time. So I says Lord!! Give me the spirit
Lord. And the lord answered with this new revelation:
The flood should take care of it. All layers of rocks and fossils will be thought of as the result of a worldly flood, even
though I will only flood one localized section of it. Ha ha scientists. Nobody will ever believe you.
But men free willed themselves to reject silly theologians and invented a man by the name of Bill Maher.
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Musicman? Are you in there? I think he fell into the Tequila bottle! :D
At least he's not in pain any more! ;D ;D
Poor Musicman :'(
Kathy ;) :D
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musicman, i see that your "spirit" filled posts were written in the wee hrs of the morning. did you forget you had school today??? well, then maybe it goes like this, "this discussion is your brain, this revelation is your brain on beer". or perhaps, this is the result of a man who has spent too much time in the school room with children...step away from the beer musicman.
you are so silly.
claudia
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The lord done gave me the spirit again!!!
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpp!!
I was drinken some coolaid after work when I passed out. So I has this dream where da lord came to me. I says looooooooorrrrd!! Tell me about your many works.
Child come with me to Palmira, New York. It is the year 1820.
Hey isn't that lad Joseph Smith?
Yes, I must tell him not to miss church or. . . . . . . . .hey, what's that in your hand?
Aaaaaahhh, that's my 99 proof spirit coolaide.
Say, gimmie some.
Wait, no god, you can't drink this. . . . .
I want. He, he, he, he
He drank da whole bottle folks.
Anyways, he got real silly and started tellin 15 year old Joseph all these crazy things. Then he went back three years later dressed up like a angel or somthin. Started babylin about these plates and, oh man was it nonsense. Joseph Smith stood wide eyed as I tried screamin, "no, he's been drinkin the coolaid, don't listen to him". god just laughed and said "he can't hear you, child, go get me sum more of that tasty liquid" Then I woke up.
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Oh, finally I had about given up on you, musicman! You are so, what's the word I'm looking for ??? uhhh brave? strangely brave? maybe just strange! you are sacrilegious! What does that mean anyway? aha,ha,ha! :D I have been dying for a laugh all day!
So is that how Joseph Smith got his revelations? :D
Thanks, that hit the spot! ;)
Kathy :)
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As a fellow teacher, I recognize all the signs.....TEACHER BURN OUT~~ I see retirement in your close future...a forced retirement actually!!! Hope you have some money stashed as you will need it- a teachers retirement won't pay for your coolaid!!!
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Oh Snap, Gena!
Ha! She got it Musicman, your cure for all those "revelations", get out while you can! Listen here dude, in case you don't know; kids can give you mental problems...shhh. Don't tell anyone I told you that, it's really a little known fact! It's only known by "mature teachers", everyone else finds out almost too late! hence the "forced" retirement! ;D :o
Smile!
Kathy ;)
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I think Musicman has been visiting someone in our mountains and wandered on a still of 180 proof. My Daddy used to make that but then he cut it to 90 proof for selling and I ran his whiskey for him!
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Ho! Jennie, don't start that you will have musicman and longhorn beating down your door!! You are opening yourself up for too many belly-laughs!
I am laughing because I BELIEVE YOU!! I had a neighbor who told me stories of how he used to run whiskey between Alabama and Georgia in the trunk of his car!! Man, he could have been in jail for a long time! :D :D :D Oh so funny!
Kathy :D
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My Daddy would call me and say" Little Girl I need you over here" . I had to cross 3 county lines to get to his house. He would be waiting with his mason jars filled, a list of people and how much they owed him. One day I finally asked him if this was illegal and he said only if you get caught! It never crossed my mind to not run it because my Daddy said to do it!
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That is funny, although we never thought our daddies would steer us wrong, did we?
Oh me! This is cute! (some may not see the humor in this, but it's all in the presentation)
Kathy :D
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Down south if Daddy says do it... you just do it. You don't backtalk and refuse their instructions! He was so funny. I lost him a couple of years ago. He wasn't a traditional Daddy as many people think of Daddies being but he was mine and I loved him!
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Oh I know what you mean my daddy was pretty different as well! I told a little story about him on another post a few days ago. He milked cows for a living and my oh, my he was a character!! My dad died on Dec.24th 1989 so every year about this time I get a little nostalgic. :D :'( wow I just realize that was almost 20 years ago, how time flies! :o
Happiness!
Kathy :D
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180 proof, that's kiddie juice. If Old Longhorns still ever blows, it's gonna darken the moon for the next 15 years.
Gotta get back to packing. This space ride is almost over.
Longhorn
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yaaay! Longhorn, you're coming in for a landing! (See, I told you guys he has a still!)
Ha! ;D :D ;)
Kathy :)
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My Daddy taught me to test for pureness in his whiskey. He would show his customers once how pure it was and then if they ever asked him again... he would run them off with a shotgun for even questioning whether it was still pure or not!
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Oh no hide the sour mash, longhorn will be coming for dinner tomorrow. ;) Just kidding brave hero,
lets splash a couple to your successful space cultivation, oops Top Secret mission :o
george.
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Drinkin more koolaid here. Seeing colors, gettin the spirit. Heeeeeeeeeeeyyy god??? What ya got for me.
My son, I am embarrassed by what the churches have said about me. Hell is a mistranslation and they have invented a terrible false doctrine based on it.
Yes lord, they are wrong. Will you set them right?
No!!! I must get in line with their teachings to avoid more embarrassment.
Uuuuuuummmmm. ....... .what?
They are the church, and I must make them right.
But they're not right about anything. They also think you're a trinity and. . . . .
Silence!!! I must make good on their promise for eternal hell.
god, you mean you must make bad. . . .
Shut yo mouth!! See, the sun is going to burn out soon, so I will go ahead and keep gassing it up with human souls. That'll keep it burning.
Sooooooo, the non churchies will just die, right?
No son, what church have you been going to? Don't you know that people have to be consciously burning in hell forever for it to sound scarry? That's TBN 101 buddy.
Now go teach the world that hell is now in the sun. . . . .soooo it will keep shining on the churches.
The false churches?
The real churches!!!!!
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A conundrum....hmmm
the false churches are the real churches? Well, cause that's the only ones we've got!
So actually we could say they are the "real, false churches"? Oh, wow did I pass TBN 101?
this is scary stuff, ya know!
Kathy :o
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False or not, god must conform to their teachings. Word of the koolaid!!
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Now did you say that God KNOWS He must conform?
Wait! I know! you spelled it god lower case g! That means this 'god' you talked to really WAS the god of the churches! he was the god of the koolaid!
I see it now! The god of the koolaid is the anti-god! The pseudo-god! The god of this world! Oh, my gosh! Run Musicman! You've been getting messages from the devil!!! ;)
Kathy :D
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Say it aint so. It's gude koolaid. god done gave me the spirit!!
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:D :D :D
You make me laugh, dude!
Kathy ;D