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=> Off Topic Discussions => Topic started by: Craig on April 10, 2008, 05:22:10 PM
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9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... That will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "GOSH......You are such an Idiot!!".
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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What are the men's words?.............Men are from Mars right?
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"Oh no you didn't"
Means don't think, just get away as quickly as possible. Move it priest!! Get outta there!!
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I've been taught that men's words should be YES, SURE, GO AHEAD. Anything out of that frame of reference is the cause of WWIII, armageddon style. Is this something I must unlearn as well?
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What are the men's words?.............Men are from Mars right?
1. You look nice. translation:: can WE GO already !!! ;D
Rodger
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# 10) DEAD SILENCE AFTER AN ARGUMENT YOU'LL NEVER WIN LASTING FOR AIONS & AIONS & AIONS AND IF YOUR THE GUY, YOUR USUALLY WRONG, ;D ;D ;D.
By the way Arcturus, we have that new Venus and Mars book, ::) ;) ;D
Samson.
P.S. My wife says, don't forget. Yes Dear, meaning shut up.
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The one thing that stuck from that book was the difference between COULD you and WOULD you!
That has made quite a difference. Like noticing the words we use! :D can help in friendly non-confrontational communications! ;D
Silence also works! 8) not the silent treatment....just not answering that stupid question while maintaining perfect composure and sensitivity. I guess you have to experience it to know what I mean. It has a boomerang effect that I have not mastered or practised. All it does is make you think about what you are saying by hitting a proverbial silent invisible wall ;D :-\ Like Elvis Presley's "Return to sender...address unknown...no such number... :D
Peace to you
Arcturus
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Hmmm, should I be offended that my husband found that hilarious?? ;D Ah, who am I kidding, so did I :D. Very true; very, very true.
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OH NO YOU 'GUYS' DIDN'T!!!!
I guess girls that we all need to just ban together and get into THE BOX where our men are and where and where all that they can think of is just one thing at a time and where they are actually very happy to be in that box DOING NOTHING AT ALL (how does a person do nothing at all?). We need to get in that box of theirs to try to figure out what the male species communicative language is. For example, since most men do not speak in actual words, we need to be able to discern what their different grunts actually mean; one grunt means yes, two grunts means no and three grunts simply mean that they DONT' WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT....hmmm ??? ??? ??? :-\ :-\ :-\ 8) 8) 8) ::) ::) ::)four grunts, well, we won't go there if ya know what I mean ;D ;)
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;D ;D ;D
What a riot. I have to print this off for dh. He just had rotator cuff surgery-- talk about doing nothing and grunting. :D !!!
What about the Yes, dear....from behind the newspaper???
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;D ;D ;D
What a riot. I have to print this off for dh. He just had rotator cuff surgery-- talk about doing nothing and grunting. :D !!!
What about the Yes, dear....from behind the newspaper???
Ha Ha Ha, ;D ;D ;D, in our household, the man(me) responds with alright, alright, alright or yeah, yeah, yeah and the woman(my wife), responds with Yes Dear. The Martians and the Venutians should make a truce, ;D ;D ;D
The Man from Mars, Samson.
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OH NO YOU 'GUYS' DIDN'T!!!!
I guess girls that we all need to just ban together and get into THE BOX where our men are and where and where all that they can think of is just one thing at a time and where they are actually very happy to be in that box DOING NOTHING AT ALL (how does a person do nothing at all?). We need to get in that box of theirs to try to figure out what the male species communicative language is. For example, since most men do not speak in actual words, we need to be able to discern what their different grunts actually mean; one grunt means yes, two grunts means no and three grunts simply mean that they DONT' WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT....hmmm ??? ??? ??? :-\ :-\ :-\ 8) 8) 8) ::) ::) ::)four grunts, well, we won't go there if ya know what I mean ;D ;)
We dont grunt. Our yes means yes, and our no means no. But with women, yes can mean no and no can mean yes, when some sort of unknown magical circumstances line up with the planets and stars and the day of the week has a "s" in it and it's a sunny day :D
That does not include womens "maybe", when the circumstances get even more unknowable.
Then, there is the "I changed my mind"... the reasons for which are totally unfathomable.
It's a wonder any of us were ever born.
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Hello Kent, That does not include womens "maybe", when the circumstances get even more
unknowable.
Then, there is the "I changed my mind"... the reasons for which are totally unfathomable.
It's a wonder any of us were ever born.
nt,
I guess that I should consider myself a very fortunate Man, my wife rarely ever says, " I changed my mind " ;) ;D ;) ;D
Samson.
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Hi all, don't be discouraged guys, we still have a few perks;
Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight.
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom alone.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
Cleaning the toilet is optional.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
If you're 34 and single, no one notices.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers and/or Duct Tape fix everything .
You never have to worry about other's feelings.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't care if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me."
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks.
You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.
If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
Feeling encouraged?
Peace,
Joe
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Ever notice why so many unpleasant things for women sound like they have a male influence....
MEN-struation, MEN-opause, HIS-terectomy..... ;)
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A-Men :D ;D
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Shouldn't this be called "19" words? :-\
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Yeah, but its so funny who's countin'? ;D
Good ones Joe. We really ARE from Mars and Venus!!!
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Two New Additions Periodic Table of Elements
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: XX
Atomic Weight: Don't even go there.
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at anytime. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. Extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful wealth-reducing agent known.
Caution: Unstable and highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
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Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: 180+/- 50 lb.
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with XX any chance it gets. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Usage: None proven. Possibly a good methane source. Some specimens are able to produce large quantities of methane on command.
Caution: In the absence of XX, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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....IS IT OKAY TOHAVE A 'HEADACHE' NOW THAT WE GIRLS ARE OUTNUMBERED HERE???? ??? ??? ??? 8) :-\ :( >:( :o ::) :P ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Hello Everyone,
This is Samson's wife here!! I wanted to respond to help the W-O-M-E-N out. If people thought about it, most of the women and their problems begin and end with MEN!!!!! I wanted to give the list here without causing too much of a commotion:
1.
MEN-stration
2. MEN-strual cycle
3. MEN-opause
4. MEN-tal stress
5. Men-tal institution
and last but least W-O-M-A-N and W-O-M-E-N!!!
In my opinion and only my opinion MOST MEN are not from mars but uranus!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
Thank all of you for letting my mars express all his opinions openly. I t is very rare for him to be able to express his feelings and opinions without being ignored or shot down.
Thanks to all,
Samson's wife Pam ;)
[/list]
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;D ;D ;D ;D
What a fun thread after teaching all day!!!
All kidding aside....WE know that the hand that rocks the cradle RULES the world!!! :D ;)
(Gosh Craig, you sure started something!)
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circle, circle
dot, dot,
now I got the cootie shot! ;D
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9 things men say:
1- where are my socks? and how would I remember where I took them off?
2- where are my shoes? and how would I remember where I took them off?
3- where are the keys? and I don't think I drove last.
4- where is the remote? and there BETTER be batteries in it!
5- where is the phone? ...what wall are you talking about?
6- where is the mayo? and when did we get this refridgerator?
7- where is the pop/beer/etc.? and I'm in a hurry-- the game starts in ten mins!
8- where is my wallet? ...what dresser?
9- where are my glasses? and why are you looking at the top of my head?
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After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband
accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was
like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get
out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women, and loved to
browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at
5-min ute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
emergency exit at the back of the store.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN !'
And last, but not least
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,
Wal-mart Manager
Harry Smith :D
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Hi Girls, I found the match to the one Craig originally put up ;D
What a man really means !!
I'M GOING FISHING
Means: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
IT'S A GUY THING
Means: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD.
Means: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Means: Why isn't it already on the table?
THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.
Means: Are you still talking?
HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING
Means: And I sure hope I think of some pretty darn soon.
UH HUH, SURE, HONEY, OR YES, DEAR...
Means: Absolutely nothing.
IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Means: I have no idea how it works.
I CAN'T FIND IT.
Means: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Means: "What did you catch me at?
I HEARD YOU.
Means: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.
YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.
Means: I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
Means: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving already.
I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Means: No one will ever see us alive again.
WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Means: I make the mess, she cleans it up.
YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.
Means: I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Means: I have actually severed a limb, it will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
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Toushe Kat, ;D ;D ;D
Well, at least I didn't forget our Wedding Anniversary, it was God's Will, he wanted to spare me from the possible grief and suffering that would have ensued, as a result of the principle of cause and effect.
Although, I admit approximately 1 month ago, I started to remind myself of the actual date of my anniversary, that's one date a man dare not forget, ouch, that really hurt.
Great List Kat, my wife will certainly enjoy that list, it seems us guys need someone like musicman to our rescue, I'm leaving for work and it would take great insight and skill to top that list, again musicman to our rescue.
Samson. :D :D :D
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Uh oh >:(
Kats' on to us.
We need to meet at the clubhouse to figure out how we can get out of this mess.
I'll bring the bait. Dont you dare forget the beer!
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Why us men can't win :P
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.
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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all so they decided that one has to leave, otherwise they were all going to fall.
They were not able to name that person but the woman held a very touching speech - she said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope because as a woman she is used to give up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands......
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I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
;D
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;D ahahah, snowfire...good one! :)
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Hello Matthew,
Excellent come back, You might have temporarily rescued us guys, for now. That was great, you and I seem to have had some of the same past experiences with women, that post of yours sounds like MURPHY'S LAW at work. Fortunately for me, the list you posted, although very true in the past for me, isn't the case now.
LOVE THAT POST, ;D ;D ;D
Your Brother, Samson.