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=> Testimonies / Prayer Requests / Fellowship => Topic started by: Roy Coates on July 13, 2009, 02:51:40 AM
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The leaders and the pastor of my former church have dis-fellowshiped me. It has been more that a week since I conversed with any of them. For me this is good. My wife is taking it very hard. She considers me the spiritual leader of the family. However she is certain that we will be looked down on from our friends, her coworkers and my older children. I too think this is and will happen and I see it at a blessing. Her friends and coworker currently don't respect her spiritual understanding and now cause she cant claim a local church home she feels much worse. I am really out on the faith limb, confident I am listening to God's call, I am just not sure I can convince her. Steadfast and steady as she goes I say. But she cried tonight as I told her some of the latest happenings. She is worried and is need of prayer. I know her eyes have been opened it is letting go of the stigma she has believed to be proper christian living. I need strength and encouragement too. I need to teach our little ones in a way that mom is comfortable and the truth is being taught. Thanks again as I struggle in these emotional time
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Roy, the greatest thing about this is that you have left behind a building with people in it , but you haven't left God. Your strength is in the true God that you know of, and not in what you left behind.
Its not an easy thing to give up idols of the heart and the things we use to attach ourselves to for security.
Its where your going and not where you have been that's important and exciting.
I'm not saying anything you don't already know, just trying to lift you and your wife up.
You and your wife are in my prayers.
Peace
Roy
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Roy,
My prayers are with you! You are in a place where only God can lift you out..but stay strong, because He WILL do it!!
Kathy :-* ;)
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Hi . i cant tell you how to handle this detail . . as a male you will do it differently . than us as women . your needs will be addresed in a way . that will work for you . your s o . partner will have a very different emotional thing going on that you wont see unless she tells you .what she will need is love . reasurance & knowing its not her fault that others have turned her out . or rejected her . its going to take time . a long time . so dont say . just walk away forget it . that wont help . dont try & convince her .
I am involoved in a big community . & we have many who are turned away so i am well aware of this . allow the Holy spirit to suround you . & feed you .. & your partner . some times we need to back off from being in charge . & just sit . a while . & wait on the Lord . not easy .. really its very hard . some times we have to unlearn what has been taught . & relearn . many things . in our life s . in our community . we are rejected becaues we are different . so are not acceped for who we are no matter even if we accept thier teaching .s right or wrong. then having to turn away from that . is very hard . just trust in the Lord & let the Lord work it out .
Hey . for your partner. when you follow The lord we just have to tag along ... let the Lord go first ... hug .s
...noeleena...
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Noeleena , excellent advice.
Roy
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Hi Roy,
I can see that this upheaval in your family's life is difficult and yes the ramifications of leaving the church are real. As we are social creators, we want to belong to the group, to be accepted, it gives us a sense of identity. For most of us the church was where we spent many years trying to fit in and let it be our "spiritual" guide. When our eyes are opened and we see the church for what it truly is and that false facade comes crumbling down, it can be traumatic. Maybe your wife is not as far along in converting her faith and trust to God as you, so she needs a little time to adjust to all this. Since her eyes are opened God will lead her to embrace this too in time, as her understanding grows she will begin to realize what is obvious to you now. Your being there to comfort her and help her understanding is a great blessing for her. So as you make your way through this trying time, I will be praying for Him to strengthen you and give your wife comfort that all truly is well.
mercy, peace and love
Kat
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Thanks Bt family for the up lift, prayers and thoughts. It is hard but not too hard. I am certain God as a good handle on it. Peace
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Hi Roy, you got some excellent advice...so I shan't tell ya more.
But, my husband, youngest son, and myself all went thru this "upheaval". We have been called names, shunned, and isolated. We have been told not to teach any grandchildren, now or future, this blasphemy. So to keep the peace we just don't talk about anything!!
It is hard to look at people's reaction when they always ask "where are you going to church now?". Um...we don't go. Nope no bible studies, fellowship yada yada...some are amazed. Closer friends were so afraid we had left "God".
If your wife wants the truth and to walk in newness of life-give her time.
This forum has been a God send and the conferences really are wonderful.
Maybe we could meet for dinner sometime half way between your house and mine? We live in Adrian.
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Thanks Gmik. I am holding steady thanks to God. I still teach a little every day, most is welcomed. It is that question she is dreading exactly. I told her she could say that she is going to the church of the living God. Being pretty smart she asked and who should I say the pastor is? I was at a loss for words. I am grateful for what I have in her and I have know doubt others have it a lot worse. It is not bad but great! I think dinner will be wonderful. Let me see if she is willing.
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I told her she could say that she is going to the church of the living God. Being pretty smart she asked and who should I say the pastor is? I was at a loss for words.
Heb 3:1 Wherefore, holy brethren, partakers of the heavenly calling, consider the Apostle and High Priest of our profession, Christ Jesus
Heb 4:14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
Hope this helps,
Marques
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Roy, I simply tell people that God has called us to "home church" right now and that we have learned SO MUCH by doing so. No one ever asks me anything after that. ;D When someone says "God told me to..." people don't want to step on any toes. :D
And what Noeleena said is so right about us women needing reassurance. I'd tell your precious wife that this season, though difficult, will bring you guys closer than ever and your marriage will never be the same. It will make your lives together more cemented and that you are always there for her.
Blessings to you both, Lin
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Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank You for giving Roy the faith to take this big step. I can only imagine, but You know, how difficult this was and is for him and his family. I have also felt the sting of disfellowship. Please sustain them through the anger and hurt that may come, and keep them from self-righteousness, too. Bless You Father, for making them different than those they left behind.
Lord, the way You've blessed my life is more than I deserve and You've always been sufficient for me. Please fill them up the same way you did my wife and I when we left the Christian religion at last. You care more than even I do, so I leave them confidently in Your hands.
And, keep us in Your light until Your Kingdom comes, I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
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Thanks Gmik. I am holding steady thanks to God. I still teach a little every day, most is welcomed. It is that question she is dreading exactly. I told her she could say that she is going to the church of the living God. Being pretty smart she asked and who should I say the pastor is? I was at a loss for words. I am grateful for what I have in her and I have know doubt others have it a lot worse. It is not bad but great! I think dinner will be wonderful. Let me see if she is willing.
Why not say the pastor is L. Ray Smith? I mean, honestly?
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Words of wisdom, empathy, prayer and honesty. What can I say, thank you all. Lots of great advice that I will use. Things are all ready taking shape. I started "tid bit teaching" to my wife via text messages while we are separated during the day. I have ordered her her on copy the CLNT. I am working on some audio for her to listen to on her I Pod too. I continue to show God to my family in every thing around us and in us to the best of my ability as the Spirit directs and allows. God speed to you and yours
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The leaders and the pastor of my former church have dis-fellowshiped me.
Roy, I wanted to reply yesterday to offer prayers and words of comfort, but couldn't find the right words, probably because I felt the empathy with you and yours, knowing that God is going to use all the emotions and trials that you are going through at this time for your growth and His glory.
The word that stuck in my 'throat' as I read your post was "dis-fellowshipped', because I cannot see how this could be Scriptural. A word search of esword brought up the following verses:
Phm 1:6 so that the fellowship of your faith may become operative in the realization of every good thing which is in us for Christ Jesus.
1Jn 1:3 That which we have seen and heard we are reporting to you also, that you too may be having fellowship with us, and yet this fellowship of ours is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ."
1Jn 1:6 If we should be saying that we are having fellowship with Him and should be walking in darkness, we are lying and are not doing the truth."
1Jn 1:7 Yet if we should be walking in the light as He is in the light, we are having fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, is cleansing us from every sin."
From these verses I believe that we cannot have true fellowship with people who are walking in darkness, and so we cannot be 'dis-fellowshipped' from them.
Mat 18:20 For where two or three are, gathered in My name, there am I in the midst of them."
Geoff
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Interesting turn of events. My wife is now planning to place our daughter(my step) in catechism. When I presented her with a copy of the CLNT she told me that Catholics don't use those. She often spoke about all the negative traits she has had burned into her mind from the Catholic church and now she wants to return. Sometime I think it is an attempt to hurt me cause she is hurt from my decision to leave the church. I must admit it does give me a sad feeling that she is responding this way. If I wasn't persecuted for His sake I would be lost too. The pressure is great at this time. May God have mercy on us all. Peace
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Roy,
My prayers....as always...stay strong :'(
Kathy :-*
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Roy, I will pray for you. This is a hard thing for sure.
In His Love,
Marlene
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Hi Roy,
Remember, If it was easy, anybody could do it. Then we would not have need for Jesus Christ, our Redeemer, as a sin offering for us, we would do it ourselves.
Only GOD And our Lord Jesus Christ The Righteous Can Do it, so we must rest in that Truth.
george. :)
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amen brother george. roy, i pray for your also and for your wife, that our Father's mercy and grace will be yours as you go through this hard time. it is an exercise for your faith. continue to call out to Him for the strength from His Spirit within you. also, as i am now myself going through personal difficulties, we MUST put on the mind of Christ in order to approach our trials as He did His while on this earth. and that my brother is a very hard thing to do, continually, minute by minute, even second by second. otherwise, our carnal mind will lie to us and try to snatch away our faith. we have to continue to move forward, towards that goal of overcoming the things of this world that are on the ready to trip us up, to make us miss the mark. and the ONLY way we can achieve that is to put on the mind of Christ.
stand strong in that faith which our Father has given you. we love you and will be here to uplift you.
claudia
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It is a strange work God is performing. Thanks for all the continued prayer and support. It is not my responsibility to be in control, it is His. This takes some pressureoff of me. I continue to study, learn and have begun to expose the leaders from my church. I call it training ground when I am asked why i am doing what I am doing. I am slowly becoming more tolerant to the sinners in my life(myself included), I have much sorrow and pity for them. Peace and Grace be on you all, Roy
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Praying for you Bro, hang in there. Im sure you know this is worth it, and its not for nothing.
Mal 3:2 But who can endure the day when he comes? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire, like the soapmaker's lye.
Mal 3:3 He will sit, testing and purifying the silver; he will purify the sons of Levi, refining them like gold and silver, so that they can bring offerings to Adonai uprightly.
1Pe 1:7 Even gold is tested for genuineness by fire. The purpose of these trials is so that your trust's genuineness, which is far more valuable than perishable gold, will be judged worthy of praise, glory and honor at the revealing of Yeshua the Messiah.
Peace, Love
G.Driggs
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I really feel for you right now, Roy. Maybe your wife is not trying to hurt you, but is looking for some comfort in old, familiar things, even though she knows they are wrong. It is said that time is a great healer, so I'm praying that your wife will come to realize the mistake she is making in wanting to place your daughter in catechism. Also praying you, Roy, that our Father will strengthen you, and give you wisdom, and patience.
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and I thought I had it bad--boo-hoo-- poor ME~
Your trials and tribuations have sure helped strengthen me = THANKS!
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Dear Roy, I sense your wife feels betrayed. Women like security and when our little worlds are turned upside down we get very upset. She is just hurt. Please let her know that whatever she chooses you will be there for her. Identity is also at stake here. I would ask myself who I really was anymore because I was so entwined in my beliefs and church. Separating is like cutting the umbillical cord, very hard to do.
There is grief involved as though someone or something has died.
It is imperative you uphold her and try your best to ease her out of emotion by patience and understanding. Please don't throw scripture at her.
Love, Judy
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Roy, I left my church years ago when I questioned certain truths: hell, evangelism, rigid doctrinal teaching.
And I can also say the church left me - I was a questioner, they felt peril and wanted me out of there if I wasn't going to conform to their teachings.
This also caused me to leave God for a season, to question His very existence.
I looked into spirituality of all types, just looking for something to fill a vacuum. I was never able to embrace any of these belief systems either, I think, because all the questions I had developed in leaving 'christianity' weren't answered in buddhist thoughts or new age goddesses. I realized they were man-made constructions.
After having Nothing for awhile, I still felt a calling of some sort, and was led by some fluke-y events back to a large Baptist church, where I was a skeptical observer and sometime participant. The Divorce-care class was a key- we were an afterthought class, founded by people like me who were raw and angry and allowed to meet by some of the leadership who were, well, just kind and caring, and fought for a place in the church for us "outcasts" to spew and question. I think if some of the deacons had stepped in on any given Sunday, we would have been chucked to the curb!
At the same time, since I was tentatively considering that God maybe did really exist after all, and maybe even cared, I started exploring all denominations that I had been taught were idolatry, chiefly the Catholic church. A study of the catechism was really eye-opening! Ray says somewhere that Protestants and Catholics have 90% of their doctrine in common. Protestant beliefs come right out of Catholicism. I also looked into Orthodox christianity - Greek and Antioch.
Ended up attending an Episcopalian church, the branch that supports active homosexual bishops.
All of these trails and searchings led me to Bible Truths.
And I can't say that any of those journeys hurt me. So many things I learned in those churches have given me understanding into the bible and church history, and I have met many wanderers in those churches who I think God is calling and may be choosing soon.
I think your wife, Roy, is now free to search and explore her roots. She is questioning EVERYTHING right now, being uprooted from her old church. This may be the journey God has called her on, to answer questions that she has, that she has to find on her walk. Even if she embraces Catholicism for a season, I'm sure that if you are faithful to stay true to what you have learned, the truth, she will be able to see your light and be guided by it, to see God's truth.
Karen
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This post was from last year, Things are much better now as we share the truths of God daily. I had posted this link for Duane because he was going through some tough times that may have been similar. Thanks again for the warm words and kind thoughts.
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This post was from last year, Things are much better now as we share the truths of God daily. I had posted this link for Duane because he was going through some tough times that may have been similar. Thanks again for the warm words and kind thoughts.
Hi Roy,
Do you have other children other than your step daughter? Is your daughter still in catechism? Is she (and other children if any) learning the truths of God?
Bill
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Our daughter (14 special needs) never went, mom decided against it for various reasons. I have 4 other kids( 17,21,22,25) I teach them the truths of God as the Spirit directs(when they ask) and let my life and beliefs flow out as much as I am inspired to. They all are definitely learning the truths of God