Good morning Marques,
I still think you misunderstand what I was trying to convey. It could be that I'm not understanding what Ray and scripture says about God causes everything.
I'll use an example of God draws us to Him. I was lost beyond description when I cried out to God, but before this, I thought I was on top of the world with all the money and marijuana, cars and home with 140 acres of the most beautiful land around. A beautiful wife. Everyone I knew thought I was the Kingpin. It felt good, but I didn't believe in God. Like a tornado over night it all began to crumble. Within two years it was all gone, everything even the wife. I started calling out to God and the next thing I know is I'm going to church. This is where God called me to, to a place that Ray teaches to be a place of lies and deceit. I felt safe there, but after months of crying out to God to take away my pain, the only thing I was getting was more and more pain. The next thing I know is I'm trying methamphetamine, a drug I had always hated with a passion. Wow! I thought, this stuff feels good. It numbs my pain. I turned from God to a drug, but God remained in my head. I couldn't get rid of Him. Its like I wanted to, but couldn't. I knew without a doubt that something very supernatural was going on. I could see it as the material things started to disappear. It was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Well I go back to church for awhile and then back out to the drugs, but each time I went back to the drugs I would be asking, why am I doing this, I hate this. Sometime within this one years time as I was driving to get drugs,I looked up to the most beautiful sunset and said thank you God for that beautiful sunset. At that very second in a blink of an eye God spoke to me and said, "this is what you have been asking for, and this is what is waiting for you." Simultaneously all the pain was sucked out of me and filled with a joy and peace that just couldn't be anything of this world. I can't even come close to describing it. I went on to the drug house shouting what had just happened, but within 20 minutes it faded as quick as it came. I was filled again with even more pain than before and did some drugs.This went off and on for 2 years until I'm about to be sentenced to prison. The pain never did seize. The only thing that got me through each day was the thought that today I'm going to kill myself but I didn't have a gun and still didn't have the strength to do it. I'm a few days of going to prison. I wake up with the mother load of pain that told me its time to die, I can do this now but still I didn't have a gun. I decided to go for a walk in the woods and just as I reached the edge of the woods just 50 yards from my sisters house, I saw a rifle sitting against a fence in the thicket. I look around and call out to see if anyone one is around. I see that the gun has rust and has been there for awhile. I take it home , clean it up and put bullets in it and shot it several times. It worked perfectly. I wrote a letter to my loved ones explaining the pain and that I had no choice but to end my life, and I started walking toward the woods to kill myself . The next thing I know is I'm at the church crying and sobbing to the pastor unable to even speak. All I can do is hand him the letter I wrote. He read it and said is this really what you want and I said yes,I have no choice. As he started to pray God did it again, He sucked all that pain out of me and gave me the strength to face what was ahead of me. I went to prison and got closer to God than ever before.I was there for 3 years and came home on fire for God, back in church, doing everything that seemed right but I started getting sad and lonely and again I'm back to the world and drugs. I'm crying out to God, why God am I here, please take me from this. On and on this went. I packed up my car and moved out of State trying to run from this life and God. I was gone one year and back to the church seeking God like never before. Within two months of being back, I was praying something about failing,and God let me know that each time that I thought I was falling away,He was closing doors on desires and pain and confusion, giving me strength and faith. So you see, it was God that lead me to Him by my falling away. Each time I thought I was falling from God; I hated more and more that life. Closing doors, making me right.
No one can say that God didn't cause all of these things to happen the way they did. Jesus said that the words He spoke are spirit and give life. Those words are scripture that was life in the working in my testimony. Its my testimony that God gave to me. There are many living scriptures in my story that gave me life.
You are right Marques that we can't separate scripture and a walk with God. I was trying to show that we have to have both, and that they are in harmony with each other. Some have a hard time understanding scripture but can relate to my testimony or their own because it is scripture in real life rather than just words not understood. All was and is of God. God causes all things. It all lead me to want God in my life more than wanting my pain to go away, more than anything physical, more than anything of this world. That's where God lead me in my walk with Him. I still fall short of this but here I am writing this, and I have no pain or sorrow, no drugs for 5 years, A nice 2 story home, a new pickup truck, a new God loving woman, secure finances, but not plenty, and most importantly is God is with me leading the way giving life to His words.
Thank you Marques for your concern and desire to keep things straight according to scripture. I do hope that I haven't confused anyone, but this is my story that was a trial beyond description and I give God the glory.
Peace and love
Roy
PS; What are the odds of wanting a gun to kill yourself and find one 5-10 minutes later leaning on a fence in the woods?