After reading about Hedi I kind of feel my problem is pretty small, and it is, except, not to me. Yet, sister, I am so very sorry that such a blow, such as loss, has come into your life; I have no way of giving you condolences, I cant touch the fear, hurt and lack of undestanding you must have, but I love you and I will pray that The Lord's purpose will prove to your worth, I believe everything He does has purpose and reason for good.
Even as I give forth my grief which I say now pales, for this is only about me. You see I have been known to give myself to drinking, and the Lord has pulled me up so many times, and when He does its not like a parent spanking the child, its more like..ok....lets try it again. I find myself joyfully in love with the Lord and I study and pray and seek His face, and I am about my Fathers business. I am strong in His arms, He is my Rock and my Salvation. I may go for several years, several months... without the thought of drinking or letting/allowing my mind wander to the dusty and dirty parts of my mind; but then when Im feeling like now, NOW I am able to go forth, stand, and stand strong,to minister His Word....well sometime as time has its way the negative thought slips in an I fight, then this. Let me say this, I take all that life with all the crap and I pray, I wait and I continue to pray and He lifts the weights that so easily beset me and he sits me right(this with all the foul thoughts that still hide and find refuge in mind, but are hushed by His strength) and I confess my error, my foul mouth and temper, my drinking and all such..and well He says to me in a still calm voice I KNOW . I have not denied Him, I stand firm on How I believe He is true, I by His grace cannot quit, but what can I do with my vile self. Peace and Love Through Jesus