Its amazing at times how little one really understand. Just when I I thought I understood, I realise I understand very little! So, if 'falling away' has to do with when one went to seek out God and did a 'found and lost' on Him due to the cares of this world, then how are we to REALLY know we have found him? I get that God is calling and choosing us according to his predestined 'programme', but since none of us can be sure whether we are making it in the first ressurection or not (I am not speaking about Peter's 'making your election sure'), I want to make sure I really understand when I say 'I found God' (or he found me) and REALLY know it (not mean it), what is that like. There was a period I used to question things of God to a point I would find material that supported my assertion, I then moved to being on the fence without really taking sides, then oneday out of nowhere I realised that something in me has changed, I no longer am on the fence on matters of God, I am now fully on His side, God's truth are absolute, there is no middle ground. From then onwards I had a thirst to seek out God, I now started reading and listening with understanding I never had before, for the first time in my life (atleast I think) I was sure that there had to be more to what God was all about than the little I was getting from the church, so the thirst drove me to seek Him out some more and I really started searching for his truth. It was only when I came to BT that I kind of stopped the search, many of my questions and presumptions were not only answered, many were blown away, I had to decided whether I accept the God truth as plain as it was given to me or mix it with my precarious church and individual understanding accumulated over the years, i decided on the former.
So, for my perspective then, and to make sure that one really understand how to press on towards the higher calling, would that experience count for 'falling away' or am I still in the dark? I mean when I look back and see how much in darkness I have been, I thank God for his grace., 'i once was lost, but now i'm found, was blind, but now i see'
! Yes very good, BUT what is it that I now see?
is it the fact that i cared more about worldly things, or the fact that i understood little of what God is all about? and even if I now understand, what does that really mean? But I do not want to be ignorant like Paul said some of us could be, and find that all the while I think I understand , I am still lost
. So, if 'falling away' has to do with finding God and getting caught up in the cares of the world to only realise that you are lost, then how then do you know that you have 'fallen away'? would it be when one understand the truth as espoused here in BT or is it even deeper than that. I would like to think is important to run according to the rules, I don't want to find myself being likened to the 5 foolish virgins
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