dear christopher, my heart aches with you, in tandem.
5 yrs ago, on christmas eve morning, i opened the door into our computer room and found my husband web camming, frontal nudity and all, with a woman in another country.
out of left field for sure! as soon as i read your tragic post this evening, i felt the very same sickening kick, square in the solar plexus, just like i did 5 yrs ago.
i am so sorry that you find yourself in a place now you never even considered you would ever have to arrive at. surreal at times, especially at first.
approximately 3 wks. ago i found out my husband (9mths dating/19yrs married, tomorrow actually)
, was having another online relationship, which then crossed into fantasy tales being written and passed between the two of them, which included multiple sex scenes. this time it was with a woman i have considered my friend for the past 4 yrs. this time, the options have been exhausted. this time, it IS time, for me to proceed with separating myself from this marriage.
the overwhelming, unbearable, deep ache in your heart is an actual pain, felt physically. a bazillion questions and hypotheticals bombard your mind, weaving into your soul. your very faith and trust that Father Creator loves us so much, that He draws us into His bosom of security and rest; as visualized in great hugs of affection, is put to the test, front and center. circumstances cause so many questions.
i am now sitting here, trying to find words to soothe your heartache, and the sense that you have lost all direction. spun around like a top and left to land where you end up.
i am finding that sometimes, there are no words to say.
sometimes, the deafening silence can render us mute.
seemingly frozen, unable to move in any direction.
but, christopher, the deep, deep silences are needed.
just as the voices are, of our beloved brothers and sisters in Christ on this forum.
everyday for the past 3 wks. i wanted to post a request for prayer on my behalf, and for my husband. to bare my pain. to cry out that i was broken. but, i was frozen. stuck.
now i get an inkling of why it was not time for me yet to 'go public'.
it's always about timing.
God's perfect, precise timing.
the time for your wife to expose her heart to you had not yet happened.
now, as brother and sister in His Truth, Love, heartbreak and pain, we can help carry each others' cross for a little while.
please forgive me dear daywalker, and forum family, for going on so long...
i will keep you in my prayers. continually.
His peace will come. He gives us just enough light for our feet, so we don't trip up looking too far ahead.
Jesus Christ is our True Beloved.
claudia