(((abridge version)))
I was born into a traditional catholic family.
MY father, an ocassional abusive drunkard towards my mother and half brothers.
My mother setimental and God fearing, who leave her to abusives spouses for the sake of her childern.
I was the 5th of 6 childern from my mother, 3 older half brother, an older brother and a younger sister.
Both parents were frequent bar patrons, unfurtunately this would come back to hunt them later in life in the form of diabetes.
While growing up our 1st house hold and surrounding neighborhoods, i felt quite at ease with my older brothers support and their friends.
After changing addresses and cities so many times as my mother just could not seemed to settle down.
One time we moved into subsidize housing in a poverty area of town, many criminal elements were abound, One an altercation involving my half brothers in a knife fight, left one of them severly hospitalized. This over our dog barking at strangers passing to close to our back yard.
About the end of my 7th grade year and after a lot of convicing, our mother convinced her to move back into our house ((she rented out)) and our old neighborhood. At this time i was going going to have my last corrective surgery through a cripple childern's foundation program that sponsered my operation. This was huge turning point in my life.
See, growing up till then i got that ackward look from females and males on that 1st impressions, sorta like when you taste something for the 1st time, then you think hey it's ok it won't harm me. And i would prayed to God this would stop and people would just treat me like a normal person, that damn lipp is all i could not stand in my life til then. that lipp brought a lot of ugliness from people of all walks of life, to this day i still can hear that homeless man say how ugly i looked, i thought imagined that this man has no home yet he is very glad he did not look like me.
Girls and guys who i thought were friends would vent out on me thier fustrations of life, i was ther freak, sideshow, mirror of uglyness, pityless punch bag, as long as they saw me they felt " well hell it could be worst i could look like him". And those ocassioanl girls i was found of just could not get pass the looks of nose and lipp of mine.
I felt so much wanting to take that mask off and show the love and peace i had in me, that i never let go of even after all those insults i still endured in the love and peace i heard spoken of in those many sermons i attended.
I found through a lot of trial and error that my personaility had to be what won people over and not my looks. And boy was it a tiring process, because of my looks i had so little a window of opportunity to warm up to people before they would decide what type of person i was. This also cause a change in me as well as i became able to read people so quickly and accurately.......their personnalities, intentions, truthfulness, decieving, lies, cheaters, users, pains, worries,.....etc.
You see, i could used this gift((curse)) for my advantage in my appraoch towards females to teeter the scales in my favor, or i could hurt them very much with the insight i had from reading them. Man.....i tel you with this gift ((curse)) i could open up the flood gates of emotions on a female and pretty much have my way. i could see that i could become a monster like those people were towards me in thier cold receptions of me in thier vanity.
Many a times i saw how people used their vanity to get what they wanted and used others so, and this is not the monster i wanted to be. I sought out guidance and for a while began to lose hope, i found it in the bible and started to read and study a bit more in depth.
My high school years is were i became a sort of clown to help others in thieir time of misery and not benefit from it in any way at all. I helped many a soul in pain any way i could.
My mother left me in charge of the house, as i felt adultish i got married at the age of 18, and in my senior year were expecting our 1st child, i graduated and started my 1st job out of high school as an oil filed map tech. Then the oil industry was huge before it went down in 1986 the year our 2 1/2 month premie child was born. Marriage fell apart as wife wanted to relive her care free teens years. twice she dated behind my back the 3rd time i had enough and gave her the ultimatum, of course it back fired and i was left out in the cold of the rental place we were staying in. Separeted and layed off from work, i took a job at a fast food restuarant and got an apartment. During the next preceeding time my wife had a countless string of lovers, i did not see my sons from the fall of 1986 til 1990.
During all this time i was so angry at God for the break up of my marriage, i could see what kinda of life my sons would go through, being drag from on house to another by their mother in her own selfish pursuits.
One night, i was so angered at God upon hearing stories of what my sons were being drag throughby their mother. I twisted a small bible in an attempt to tear it and rid myself of it. To this day i still have that same bible.
I prayed and made peace with God and promise study the bible more and work with childern programs if God would just look after mine. I worked with various child oriented fileds, YMCA day camp and summer camps, USA air force rec centers, parks and rec for the city...etc.
And took on a more calmer approahc when ever i cross my estranged wife. Then in 1997 my estranged wife dumpd my oldest son at my aprtment and says he will not listen to her and she cannot put up with him no longer, i went to court and fought his coustody to make it legal as so she will not come up with something, which she tried eventualy. Also my youngest sees how the oldest is being raised by my fiance and i and wants to live with us as well, this did not go over to well with his mom.
During this time of 1999 i had a topsy turvy years ahead, a divorce to finalize, a Ford and Firestone rollover, debt because of injuries from rollover, my relationship with my fiance strainded, and just the responsibility of it all. I new the only way through this all was going to be with God or by God.
Well the civil court went like this: my lawyer, whom i sought out for myself, ended up representing the 3 fathers of the 5 childern my estrange wife had.
my ex was trying to sue the 3 fathers for child support of which she did not have any of the childern with her at the time, my ex's lawyer dropped her and requested a continuance for 2 months only 2 weeks were granted, ex shows up on court day with no lawyer. all 3 father were granted coustody of their OWN childern.
ex was to pay child support for all childern she birthed and not in her coustody.
I was growning stronger in faith during all this time and sought out a closer relationship with our Father for the sake of my family God has given back to me.
My fiance , sons and i attended several which all left a bad taste in our hearts and minds, the last one we tried was cornerstone church ala haggee.
It was doing some back ground checking on hagee that i came across Bible-truths back in 2002.
My family and i are now at peace and growing ever so strongly in faith, we have started a the new members of our family with the 1st addition of our newborn Mikael, who became 1 year old over this past weekend. We are looking forward to having 2 or 3 more how ever God see fit for us to have.
By God blessing going to Hawaii this summer for a long awaited vacation(((i just might stay there, don't know about the rest of the family...lol)))
I still have chronic injuries sustainded from the rollover: 4 and 5 lumbar leak; both hips; both shoulders((Lft operated on)); both knees; neck contussion , but as God has seen fit to bring those injuries into my life i would not have it another way. i could have lost someone that unevenful accident if everyone had gone and not just my brother and me.
so with the settlement i am semi-retired, still attending the university here.
As far as the injuries,I am still the advent outside goer, camper and recreational participant. do a lot of salt water angling all with the family of course.
I read alot, play alot of games on the comp, and chat on yahoo im.
I will not take meds for the pain the injuries. cept for the tylenol on those aggitated days.
As for the curse((gift)) it still lingers in me, it surfaces on accasion.
Still tempted by it in spurts. a constant struggle for the rest of my life.
In short this is how i came to be known as Falconn007-003 here in Bible-Truths, or Rodger on a personal level with a few herein.
The reason for the persona as a clown, is that i felt this would be my lot in life by God will, now it seems God wills more. I wrote a poem((of many talents i have been gifted by God)) that won several contest here and dedicated to my wife. it's hers now and if i can ever pry it from her i will with her permission post it up here one day.
In how ever way i may service you
Rodger