Craig,
That is very sad but very true. I hate going to the doctor's becuase I get tired of answering the same old dang quesitons over and again. I have always wondered why they do not take time to read the charts or act like they are smart or even care about you. I was considering of going into the medical field, but I hope to God I never can look upon another human being as money walking through the door or as an "interesting case." I wonder if they teach one how not to care. One of the hardest things, I had to ever do was be the one who broke bad news to some parents of a 7 year old that I had the great honor of watching in the OR as doctors and I got to help hand the instruments to them and observed the surgery when I was 18 years old. I remember when the flat line and the alarms were ringing, I remember going to my knees in the OR just crying. It only the day before that I had talked for hours with the little boy and his family as well as the supervising doctor whose wings that I was under and listening to him talk about playing baseball and the chance of life. Before the surgery, we had talked with an old and bitter woman who had nothing but complaints. This old woman had hurt my feelings so much and yet I pitied her. But when the alarms were going off and tears were streaming down my face, I could not make sense of it. Why would this little boy who wanted nothing more than to play baseball with his Dad soon and be a big brother to his baby sister who had so much enthusiasm in life die, while there was an old lady hating everything about life and everyone still alive.
I remember that my mentor at this time told me he was going to allow me to do something that would forever decide me career in medicine. He said that he would go with me and I was to be the one who broke the news. He said that in medicine you are taught to not care and empathize, becuase most patients are not looking for friends but a doctor. I knew, as well as he did, that I probably overstepped my boundaries on this one. I care very much for people and wish to only help them to feel better or for things to look better around them. I will never forget that walk down the halls of the hospital seemed so long. When we met the family, I knew my mentor was behind me. This happened on 2/15/ when I was 18 years old. All I could do is say the facts of what had happened on the operating table. At this point, I could not say any more and just stood in the hall and cried. I remember the family coming up and just embracing me. I also remember my mentor coming up and putting his hand on my shoulder, and me looking into him and seeing the tears running down his face.
When I went to the boy's funeral later that week, his parents presented me with a baseball, that he had hit his only home run with. I still have the baseball somewhere and always Valentine's Day brings up the memories of him.
I do not know what started me on this, except to say, there are many things that are happening in the world. Couples being driven apart, new loves being formed, and so much more, but one day we will all be able to hold eachother as I and that family did in the cold hall with so much love and fellowship.
Thanks for letting me share this. My heart has been heavy with the memory of this. Susan, the more that I think on that little boy and the people that I have come across, I am being led to once again consider this medical field, and not pressured from my parents or anything. It will be a long way off, but I can always thrill to feel the wonderfulness of being allowed to experiance another's pain and to help them through it. I would and feel that my area of medicine if I went to work in it, would be children's or children's oncology. I know from this experience that I do have what it takes to go forward with this difficult career.
Music and Mathematics will always be a part of my life. Pray as this has provided me a time out and I am seriously trying to discern what God wishes me to do with my life. I know he wishes me to be the best wife that I can be to David and the best Mommy David-Lee can ever have, but I feel that there is something more that I am called to.
Sorry Criag, it is funny how something humerous can turn into something deep. Thanks, I needed to let go of this.
Sincerely,
Anne C. McGuire