Have any of you read the letter on Mike's page with that title? I have to be honest with y'all and confess that sometimes...especially recently, I have thought along the same lines. Sometimes I just don't understand this God that we serve. Recently I found out that my Dad is developing Alzheimers disease. This was devastating to me. And a prayer that I've had since I was in my late twenties...that I've labored, begged, pleaded God to answer looks like it will never be. My Dad longed for grandchildren ever since I became an adult. I've prayed for a wife constantly. God is painfully silent. Makes me wonder about the scriptures "he'll give you the desires of your heart," and, "If you ask anything in my name, I'll DO it." I've told many people that if my parents die without ever seeing their grandchildren, then they'll be nothing left for me to live for. I'm feeling that more and more now, as my Dad just is not the same joyful man he once was, and he's forgetting very basic things that he's known for years.
My heart is so heavy, y'all. I truly feel what Al is saying. God can seem so cruel. I've always said that the loudest sound in all the universe is God's silence. Sometimes I can honestly say that I feel hatred towards him. I know better, but sometimes I just can't help it.
Y'all are wonderful people. I needed this outlet. I just needed to vent. I know life aint fair. I know God really aint fair. When you look at it, was it fair for him to put a innocent man to death...to bear the sins of people who are guilty? My former pastor used to say, "God aint fair, he's just."
If y'all ever think about it, won't you please say a prayer for me, and for Pops. I can see some tough times ahead. I just hope I'm ready for them.
Bless y'all.
It's hard to endure God's grace.
"For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth" (Heb 12:6, KJV).
The pain you're expierencing shows that God LOVES YOU. It is hard...hard to endure, but, "If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?" (Heb 12:7, KJV).
The benefit of God's loving grace is it helps you become a son:
"But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye ********, and not sons" (Heb 12:8, KJV).
Being without chastisement makes one a *******, and not a son.
I will comment on some of what you said.
"Recently I found out that my Dad is developing Alzheimers disease."
COMMENT: I'm sorry... You'll be in my prayers, as well as your father.
"And a prayer that I've had since I was in my late twenties...that I've labored, begged, pleaded God to answer looks like it will never be."
COMMENT: Prayers are not always answered. Soon after Christ's death, multiple Christians died despite prayer. Titus had "often infirmities" and Paul recommended that Titus should "use a little wine for thy stomach's sake" (1Ti 5:23). Steven, moreover, was stoned to death (Act 7:59, KJV). Paul was "Thrice ... beaten with rods, once ... stoned, thrice ... suffered shipwreck, a night and a day ... [was] in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by [his] own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and
painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. (2Co 11:25-27). Christ was spit on, mocked, and crucified. In fact, the apostles even said, "we must through
much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God" (Act 14:22, KJV).
I am learning every day that being one of God's elect is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT! Being a
true follower of Christ is not the pretty picture TBN illustrates!
"To deliver such an one unto Satan for the
destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus" (1Co 5:5, KJV).
Part of being a true follower of Christ involves falling into the ground and dying to the flesh.
"And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and
bury my father. But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead" (Mat 8:21, KJV).
Jesus is teaching is elect to forget about the pleasures and sorrow of this world and strive for perfection.
"My heart is so heavy, y'all. I truly feel what Al is saying. God can seem so cruel. I've always said that the loudest sound in all the universe is God's silence. Sometimes I can honestly say that I feel hatred towards him. I know better, but sometimes I just can't help it."
COMMENT: Paul and every one of God's elect are and will go through what you're going through.
"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was
given to mea thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure" (2Co 12:7).
God gave Paul a thorn in the flesh "lest [he] should be exalted above measure."
Paul, just like you, and just like I would, "besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from [him]" (verse 8 ).
God responded, "My
grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in
weakness. Most gladly therefore will I [Paul] rather glory in my
infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (verse 9).
You cannot see it now, Job couldn't see it at first, neither could Paul, but this expierence is helping you. It will help you. You might not be able to see it, but it will help you. "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth" (Heb 12:6, KJV). You may not understand God's ways, but understand this: God loves you! His love is further examplified through your tribulation. Remember it: God loves you.
I cannot answer you with man's wisdom as to what good will and is coming out of this expierence, and I cannot tell you with man's wisdom why God works the way he does, but I can tell you what the Scriptures say. You might not like it, but it's human instinct to not like what God does, "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be" (Rom 8:7).
Here are what the scriptures say concerning your expierence:
"...it is an experience of evil Elohim has given to the sons of humanity [you...] to humble them by it" (Ecc 1:13, CLV).
But...
"To him that
overcometh will [Christ] give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God" (Rev 2:7, KJV).
"Pray without ceasing" (1Th 5:17, KJV). But... "Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know
not what we should pray for as we ought..." (Rom 8:26, KJV), because ""Because the carnal mind is enmity against God" (Rom 8:7). Nevertheless, "Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms" (Jam 5:13, KJV). Keep praying! BUT! Do not hate the Lord if your prayer is unanswered, because God is moving everything according to his own will, and whether we like it or not, it's not always God's will for people to be healed.
Keep in mind, the 1000s of people Jesus healed turned on him and crucified him.
I will keep you in my prayers, and I'm sure the entire board will! Keep a look out for Ray's paper, "The Answer to Unanswered Prayers." And again, I'm sorry.