Dear Ricky,
I greatly admire your honesty!
At least you are being honest and you are not the least trying to pretend who you are not.
That is priceless!
At least you are not deceived: "For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing,
he deceives himself." Gal.6:3
I don't know your backround, but I can tell you this, (which I believe it reflects also the beliefs of some other people who posted)
If you are low, if you are miserable, if you are broken and in darkness, if you had build some sand castles,
if you don't know what to believe, if you are a thief, a liar, a deceiver, if you came to the end of yourself, if you are rejected by the world system, if you are afflicted, if you are confused, if you blaspheme,
and you question God's integrity and His will, and on and on.....my dear Ricky, YOU ARE IN THE QUALIFICATION LIST!!!!
Furthermore, Ricky, if and when God desires to drag you to Him, and choose you (relax about that!!) I can tell you
in the presence of my Lord Jesus Christ whom I serve, and adore, and knows the condition of my heart,
if that should happen, YOU WILL KNOW BEYOND ANY SHADOW OF DOUBT THAT YOU ARE,
and you WILL KNOW THE IF ANOTHER MAN IS CHOSEN OR NOT, BECAUSE YOU WILL SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE!!!
Is like being in a foreign country where everybody speak gibberish, and from the distance, you hear someone
speaking English. You will run towards that person!!!! Nobody around will be able to understand it but you!!!
I believe that we are tested every moment, we are placed in circumstances where the Lord will see
and judge our response to those circumstances.
Live like you want to pass the test!!!
I too wanted to be a general, when I was but a soldier.
Is nothing wrong with a soldier!!!!
I rather be a darn good soldier, than a real bad general!!
Shalom
Ariel