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[F@lgn0n]

Sometime toward the end of my journey out of the church, I wrote this - it is a discourse wherein I examine my feelings about being "saved" - feeling like I had already been guaranteed a place in "Heaven" - but yet unable to overcome the sin that's inside me:

Your life
Not like mine

Is free

Free to be enjoyed
Raped
Torn from your ravaged body

I suck the life from your veins
Watch you shudder from the pain
Grin at the pleasure
Of life everlasting
Sigh of relief - my old life passing
Away to a long forgotten yesterday
I forgot that I had been cleansed from my past sins
Look forward to a life of luxury in
The place of pleasures forevermore
At your right hand

Don’t know a thing about You
Beyond the fact that your life was poured out for me,
Thank you so much, by the way

I can live now
My future is secure
Thank you

But please

Leave me to my sin
Heaven will still be there tomorrow
There is no further hope for this world
I have given up on hope for the dying
I have given up my prayers for them
Let them choose this day whom they will serve,
As for me…

I have already this life of God in me
That no devil in hell can rip from me
So I will enjoy it while I can:
This world of amusement at my hand
It will soon be gone forever, you see,
At the dawning of the New Age
Then I will finally be free
Finally be righteous
Finally die
Finally live.