Hi Joe, praying God will give you the answers. Just remember, and you probably already know this, God is in complete control and the cause of all, nothing is happening that shouldn't be happening, whether it be good or bad. If God is the cause of all then everything is for our ultimate good.
God knows your heart and motives better than anyone else, prefer His judgment over anyone else. Not to preach, or to puff myself up, but I sincerely hope these verses will help and encourage you.
Psa 139:23 Search me out, O El, and know my heart; Test me, and know my disquieting thoughts."
Psa 139:24 See if a grievous way is in me, And guide me in the way eonian. Permanent"
1Co 3:12 Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw,
1Co 3:13 each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work.
1Co 3:14 If any man's work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward.
1Co 3:15 If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.
Stay humble bro, be forgiving and merciful toward others for whatever wrong you perceived has been done to you, let Love guide you, Love will not fail, LOVE, expecting nothing back in return. Deny self (the beast) in this tough time. Praying for your understanding, strength and endurance to overcome, and that the Lord will give you answers. You've been given a lot of encouragement from many here, because we care.
Faith, Hope and LOVE be multiplied to you Joe and all the brothers and sisters in Christ
George D.