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I don't know what to do.
tamaralv:
Lupac,
I too have very little to offer you in the way of "meat", it's Spam at best! lol I don't post often (although I'm on the site most days) and I can only offer you this because I recognize the pain in the words you wrote. You are NOT alone in what you are going through. Most of us can understand, first hand, the turmoil and upset that you are right now experiencing. I just implore you not to be discouraged because there is the Light at the end of this (John 14:6). This is just one of many experiences you'll have and we must in all things give praise and Thanks to our Father and Creator (Phil 4:6-7). He has All in His control, Lupac, and whatever experiences you are having at any particular time, He has you in mind.
I love the Psalms and one of my favorites for times of trouble is Psalm 46. I pray you can find some comfort in this.
1a God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 3 Though it's waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with it's swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn. 6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted. 7 The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has made desolations in the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariot in the fire. 10 Be still, and KNOW that I AM God; I will be exalted among the nation, I will be exalted in the earth! 11 The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
My heart goes out, along with my prayers for you, Lupac. Listen to Marques and the others and pray for God to give you the answers and knowledge you seek and don't be afraid. May you soon find your Peace (John 14:27).
Peace and Love in Christ Jesus,
Tammy
Lupac:
Thank you Tammy. I'm doing a little better. I didn't really want to say this, but it's been bothering me a lot lately. I... have really bad obsessive compulsive disorder. (I know people throw around the phrase "OCD" all the time, because they have some weird tick. I don't like it, but I can't change it.) I get, thoughts I my head, horrible thoughts that repeat over and over. (First person that says it's a demon get my fist in their face. (j/k)) Anyway, the thoughts mostly have to do with Satan, not because they have anything to do with him, but because when I was little, and to a certain extant now, he was what I feared most. (Besides going to hell.) Anyway, I'll get thoughts in my head like, (Man, I don't like to even type this...) "Satan is god." or sometimes, like when I'm praying, it'll repeat like I'm praying to... someone else. >_>
It bothers me a lot, like, the more I try to now think about it, the more I end up thinking about it. I've prayed and prayed to God to forgive me. But I still worry. My old doctor (I've been struggling with this for a year now.) taught me ways to make it stop, but I don't like doing it. (It involves repeating the thought, out loud, to myself.) I guess me point with all this is, God isn't angry with me because I can't seem to make myself think right, is he? Thanks.
(I also worry that these thoughts are true, i.e. "Satan really is in charge/god." or "You really are going to hell." or worst of all "When you think something like that, you really mean it/doing it." I know it's irrational, I just need to work things out...)
G. Driggs:
--- Quote from: Lupac on December 15, 2009, 12:33:21 AM --- I... have really bad obsessive compulsive disorder. (I know people throw around the phrase "OCD" all the time, because they have some weird tick. I don't like it, but I can't change it.) I get, thoughts I my head, horrible thoughts that repeat over and over.
It bothers me a lot, like, the more I try to now think about it, the more I end up thinking about it. I've prayed and prayed to God to forgive me.
--- End quote ---
I can totally relate to what you are saying Lupac, because I go through the same thing. I never knew it might be OCD till you mentioned it, I just thought I was just more evil than most or something. These horrible thoughts that I cant even repeat here have tormented me for a long time, but since I have been studying Rays papers, studying the Scriptures, praying always, it has become less and less. I have come to the conclusion I'm really not in control of anything, including my own thoughts, and sometimes that is really frustrating, but I acknowledge Him and just give up and try to quite worrying about too much.
Hang in there Lupac, He will grant you self control, but it seems to be a slow and often painful process, but well worth the wait. Keep in mind, God made us the way we are, as He has every right, and He will make us new into something better in His time.
Peace, G.Driggs
Roy Martin:
Hello Bryant,
Just imagine yourself being in a boxing ring with God in your corner, and there is Satan in the other corner all by himself under Gods authority, and he can't throw any punches unless God lets him. The thing is its not imaginary because this is just the way it is, and God is not going to let Satan destroy you or anyone. Satan is only a sparing partner in Gods training in this life for all of us. Each time we knock him down the stronger we get, and the weaker he gets.We will be the champions.
Do you know that you can run faster and hit harder when your afraid? Kind of strange isn't it?
When you are weak, He is strong.
Peace
Roy
Lupac:
One thing I have trouble with is not seeing Satan as an "fallen angel". Satan, to me, always seemed so powerful because he made himself evil by himself. (According to orthodoxy, which I was always taught.) I get thoughts like, when I'm praying to God, or just saying "Thank you God", it'll like, repeat in my head only it'll be "Thank you Satan." I hate it, and I hate myself. I've wanted to die so many times in the past, just to escape the horrible way I live. I'm not as bad now, but I'm not doing as well as I have before. I'll be okay, I'm going to go back over my doctor's notes. I'll be okay. I'm just also worried that maybe, this sounds crazy, that these thoughts are true. I know they're no, I just need someone to tell me they're not. (Satan's not god.)
And Driggs, I feel for you. Christians (Really strict, ETers mostly.), statistically are at a much higher "risk" for OCD, depression (Which I also exhibit.), and other mental problems. I really think that the teachings of the church are to blame.
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