Keep hope, Alex. Many of us have been in that very same spot before. In fact, it's possible that the greatest of all has felt that...
"Father, Father. Why have you forsaken me?"
Was Jesus really forsaken? No, at least not for very long, obviously. I think it's possible that maybe sometimes the Father withdraws from us as a method of chastisement. A method of furthering grace if you will. You don't know what you've got, until it's gone.
Don't fear or be anxious though. Christ tells us that anxiety will avail us nothing since every hair of our head is already counted. God IS in control. Keep studying the word, keep pushing, keep trying, keep hoping.
Sometimes, when all around you seems so dark, it's because you're called upon to be the light in that darkness. Remember that light?
Joh 1:5 and the light in the darkness did shine, and the darkness did not perceive it.
Keep the faith! It's all a process and a part of growing
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Someone remind me of this if I'm dealing with it again please :lol: