> Testimonies / Prayer Requests / Fellowship

seeking

(1/5) > >>

Patric:
Please pray for me...the issue I posted was removed...I have a 'thorn' in my side...to which it seems is best not to discuss....even amongst those I trust....
sorry for any trouble before moderator....
thy will be done....

Linny:
Will pray for you Patric.
Lin

Craig:
Patric,

You can post again but tone down the graphic details.  Remember the forum is open for the whole world to read, including children if they wanted.  You can get your point across without the graphic detail.

Craig

Patric:
the 'thorn' in my side....I fear may prevent me from having a covenant relationship ever (marriage)....I am 41 and since I was 12 due to some abuse from a family member my thoughts for intimate relationships have been very much skewed in what I think I want as least in the flesh....I want it but I do not want to want it....Paul in Romans talking about the sinful nature vs the pleasing the Spirit....I have been pure in body (but not my heart and mind) up to this point in my life...and there is a woman whom I am attracted to and we are like minded....yet this dark side of me I fear would keep me from ever being married....there is but a handful of people who know this side of me....and it humbles me to know that I am not capable of changing my nature in the flesh (I can see how I could be Hitler, or Pharaoh, or a murder, thief, alcoholic, drug user, etc)....I do not have the 'gift' which Paul spoke of...and I am content enough and selfish enough at this point of my life to remain single....I am looking for tips....prayers....and advice on what to do in a relationship....the 20 years I dated in the Church I have come out of Babylon from..... mostly focused on having fun and nothing intimate and absolutely no physical contact other then a hug at the end of the date....so while I have much experience dating about 40 times per year I have very little idea as to what to do to enhance or build up beyond friendship into a covenant marriage...or how to be romantic (other then what is in my head in fantasy)...and no clue as to what physically to do once married...my parents never told me...school teaches you basically anatomy....and my friends boast or brag of their deeds....so I am clueless trust me.....I had a steady relation with one woman 11 years ago while attending church...she changed her mind and left my life after a year of dating....I listened to Ray talk about Marriage on an audio clip and it has really helped to change my thinking about the entire subject....and although I would want to please my wife physically in such a relationship....I have serious issues that would make things embarrassing and less then ideal to meet those needs....what woman would want such a man? I may be incapable of normal relations....and I am giving the generic or vanilla version of what I posted earlier only to realize that my words were too offensive...and yet....to really get to the heart of the matter if I am not graphic...the gravity of my situation will not be understood....so I am doing my best to give details yet remain pure and word and thought....so my deeds will not judge me....yet I know if I do not volunteer for this....they will haunt me never to go until the lake of fire in the 2nd resurrection.....I am too humble to assume I will be one of God's elect....though I feel I too have the Spirit of God guiding my life....I am powerless to this...so much so that if in fact this were not such an issue to overcome in my fantasies...that I would boast of how good I was...so God uses it to keep me humble...and but for the grace of God I am capable of much worse...given the circumstances I would fall in many other ways surely....I see my weakness....
so I suppose...all this rambling here is still not enough info....but gives some back round for those I trust to help me... tips....advice....ideas....thoughts....scriptures....prayers....guidance...counseling etc on relationships....and please understand that friendship to me is one of my strengths...and is most important to me....for that philios love does not fade...
I have a date with someone which will be our 3rd date over the past 3 months....we are like minded...the same age (41) yet different races she is black while I am white....I have known her for almost 17 years previously....and bells are not going off in my heart....not yet....she is modest in appearance...and has a great heart....we have many common interests....
I am seeking to overcome years of lust....abuse....clueless ideas....lack of advice...guidance....arrogance....and the church basically making things worse about sexuality....intimacy....marriage...and what I now see as a covenant with a woman...or should I just be a hermit...or monk! Keep in mind the deep dark secrets which make me shy...odd....single....are nothing to take lightly....
my hope is in and always will be that thy will be done....

Patric

Dave in Tenn:
For your encouragement:

Luk 14:16-24  Jesus said to him, "A man gave a large banquet and invited many people.  When it was time for the banquet, he sent his servant to tell those who were invited, 'Come! Everything is now ready.'  Every single one of them began asking to be excused.

The first said to him, 'I bought a field, and I need to go out and inspect it. Please excuse me.'
Another said, 'I bought five pairs of oxen, and I'm on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.'
Still another said, 'I recently got married, and that's why I can't come.'

"So the servant went back and reported this to his master. Then the master of the house became angry and told his servant, 'Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring back the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.'

The servant said, 'Sir, what you ordered has been done, and there is still room.'  Then the master told the servant, 'Go out into the streets and the lanes and make the people come in, so that my house may be full.  For I tell all of you, none of those men who were invited will taste anything at my banquet.

1Co 6:9-11  You know that wicked people will not inherit the kingdom of God, don't you? Stop deceiving yourselves! Sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunks, slanderers, and robbers will not inherit the kingdom of God.  That is what some of you were! But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

It doesn't matter if the damages listed in Luke 14 or the sins listed in I Corinthians 6 are precisely yours or not.  We know here (or ought to) that there is no sin, failing, or affliction that that couldn't be ours if the Lord had directed our steps differently.  So your words here are sufficient for anybody with the maturity to offer you any help in the first place.

For exhortation:

1Co 7:7  I would like everyone to be like me. However, each person has a special gift from God, one this and another that.
1Co 7:8  I say to those who are unmarried, especially to widows: It is good for them to remain like me.
1Co 7:9  However, if they cannot control themselves, they should get married, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1Co 7:10  To married people I give this command (not really I, but the Lord): A wife must not leave her husband.
1Co 7:11  But if she does leave him, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. Likewise, a husband must not abandon his wife.
1Co 7:12  I (not the Lord) say to the rest of you: If a brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to live with him, he must not abandon her.
1Co 7:13  And if a woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he is willing to live with her, she must not abandon him.
1Co 7:14  For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
1Co 7:15  But if the unbelieving partner leaves, let him go. In such cases the brother or sister is not bound; God has called you to live in peace.
1Co 7:16  Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?
1Co 7:17  Nevertheless, everyone should live the life that the Lord gave him and to which God called him. This is my rule in all the churches.
1Co 7:18  Was anyone circumcised when he was called? He should not try to change that. Was anyone uncircumcised when he was called? He should not get circumcised.
1Co 7:19  Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but obeying God's commandments is everything.
1Co 7:20  Everyone should stay in the calling in which he was called.
1Co 7:21  Were you a slave when you were called? Do not let that bother you. Of course, if you have a chance to become free, take advantage of the opportunity.
1Co 7:22  For the slave who has been called in the Lord is the Lord's free person. In the same way, the free person who has been called is Christ's slave.
1Co 7:23  You were bought for a price. Stop becoming slaves of people.
1Co 7:24  Brothers, everyone should stay in the calling he was in when called by God.

Stay in the state you are:  Unmarried and being dealt with by the Spirit of God.  The woman you are seeing is not a fantasy, but a real person.  You shouldn't fantasize about a relationship with her that doesn't match her own thoughts.  As the Lord leads, if a closer relationship seems to be occuring, you're going to have to be honest with her about areas of your brokenness.  Until then, Stay in the calling you are.  Don't be a slave of a fantasy.  You were bought with a price.  You are the responsibility of the Lord God.  And that means, among other things, that you shouldn't burden her with the full force of your need for the foreseeable future. 

Let the Lord heal you to a greater extent and:

Rom 12:1,2  I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

In the meantime, pray and learn to love as a righteous, single man...neither hermit nor monk.

Praying for you.


   


 

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page