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Patric:
thank you....it is words just like this from "Babylon" that have kept me single to begin with....it is as if I was some spiritual leper...and that no one should ever get married....yet the talented...the educated...the good lookers...those groomed to be leaders etc...were getting married....and are continuing to get married....I am looking for advice...tips....ideas....from those who are married....and in relationships...and song of songs love....why am I odd in my fantasy? (which is self abasing and masochistic) which was mostly from the result of abuse as a child sexually....and lack of anyone giving me anything other then laughter or the very same scriptures you gave as to why I should remain as I am...yet no one....NO ONE else ever lives by those scriptures....yet I am a virgin
but again....I can not offer the details....they are too graphic....I will deny myself and just keep my hope in that God's will be done....
Dave in Tenn:
Patric, I wrote and shared scripture with you to encourage you that God is able to heal and save you, up to and including a covenant relationship with a woman. Back up a minute and read the Scripture again to see if there aren't hopeful words in there for you. If you STILL don't see them, then I'll point them out explicitly.
Patric:
yes talk to me please....I have no idea....my eyes and ears are just beginning to open....
Patric:
okay brothers and sisters....
I am looking for advice...tips....ideas....clues....spiritually to date...and get beyond friendship with a woman who is like minded and not just a good looking person to me...or has good traits, and or good personality...she is a spiritual woman whom also has had her eyes opened....mostly all I understand is how to build a friendship....I am very good at this...I am seeking more then that....should I wait for all aspects of physical love, romance, passion, intimacy until I am in a covenant marriage? What do I do to court her....right now the bells of romance are not even in my head or heart...I am attracted to her but not in some lustful way that is wrong....I see her as a daughter of God....and one whom could help me as I help her in our walk here on earth to be changed into God's image of what he said in Genesis....and keep in mind the Babylon I left focused only on friendship in dating...so I had many many many friends...and only one girlfriend ever and many were getting married that had good looks, talent, education, pedigree, the movers and shakers if you will....while in my humility I wait for God's will...which leaves me 20 years in Babylon a virgin...unmarried....and in one serious relationship which lasted a year only to have the woman leave me telling me that romance is not enough!
so please tell me...since my parents did not...school did not...my friends did not....and the hypocrisy of 'churchianity' kept it hide from me as well....how does one court, fall in love, win the heart of, romance, song of songs love, win the attention of, swoon, date, and ultimately marry and have covenant with a woman of God? thanks ahead of time....please understand...I do not want worldly ideas...I know that is wrong....but all of you whom are married...even if you got married before you were believers surely know what is to be done! This is more then just a ceremony or legal binding I am looking for here...I am looking for my 'rib' and helper.....and spiritual partner....41 years of age I am....I do not possess the 'gift' to which Paul spoke of....and keep in mind...I may not physically be able to meet my wife's physical need for love....but I will not go into great detail about that....as this is my 'thorn' which stems from my sin from the time I was 12 being abused sexually and then my entire outlook on sex and relations greatly distorted about women....intimacy...sexual relations and fantasies that I had about what I want...I want it...but I do not want to want it....I am content at this point of my life....and selfish enough to remain single....but that is not going to help me or any woman spiritually to grow as one flesh...and I feel I will miss out an entire 1/2 of what God wants for me....the feminine side of life..vs what I have the masculine side....how do the two become one.....sorry if I sound frustrated...it is just that Babylon...and world are backwards on these issues for sure....yet people get married...and have intimate relations all over the place...I have escaped the deceit and blindness of that past only humbly for God has opened my eyes and ears....
Patric
arion:
I am content at this point of my life
I have not responded up until now because you are talking about some very similar issues that I have had to walk through. You may not wish to hear this as it's not the type of encouragement your looking for. I am a 47 year old male. Single, never married, dated only sporadically and who also is very dysfunctional due to similar things that happed during childhood and adolescence. I never married not that I am incapable or unwilling to do the 'performance' issues of marriage but rather one who was so emotionally crippled that I was never able to get close to anyone or to give and receive intimacy. To this very day I am still in an emotional 'prison' and the only one who can open that door for me is Christ and so far he has not opened it. No amount of counseling, medication or the answers that this world has can provide a solution.
You said that your content at this point in your life but the rest of your responses seem to contradict that. What you need to do frankly, (imo only) is to give up on this issue that consumes so much of your time and to let God be God in your life. If there are a few things I have learned on this journey is that truly without God I can not only do nothing but am totally incapable of accomplishing my own deliverance. I have finally come to peace with it I think. Whether or not Jesus opens those doors for me in this life only he knows. I have had to accept where I am at and I've also had to come with terms that it was God's will for me for all of those things during childhood and the teenage years to happen to me....and it's o.k. now. I don't need to be any different than I am and God has given me the grace to thank him for these things and to trust that in his time he will turn the lemons into lemonade.
Paul counseled us to be content where we are at in our current circumstances and it's quite possible that God will not move you past this issue until you learn to really do learn to be at peace with your situation. I do know that marriage for me would be a disaster not only for the woman in my life but also any children until the issues that I have are worked out. Seeking and pressing into something that God has not prepared you for will not end well. I wish I could be more encouraging to you but I know at least for myself that I have need of being at peace with my circumstances before God is going to move me past them in HIS timing and not mine.
God bless and do know that he will work all things out for you.
Doug
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