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Author Topic: This may disappoint.  (Read 3736 times)

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Sorin

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This may disappoint.
« on: June 19, 2006, 09:46:14 PM »

Well I don't feel like pretending to be one that would be considered a "Follower of Christ" so I need to confess something. When I first came to the BT board I was a believer, and I wanted to learn more and more about
this newly found belief that all will (eventually) be saved and about the thing of the Spirit and all that. But I have stumbled somewhere along the way and now I'm not even sure I believe in God anymore. I can't even pray anymore because I just feel like I'm talking to myself. I obviously don't "love my enemies" and whoever saw what I said(before modifying my posts) to "malachi12" after he said that he is
"superior" to me because he is an "Israelite" can attest. This forum is for those that are of "like mind" and I don't think I am anymore. So then perhaps I should just leave, or maybe I'll get banned but either way I don't feel like I belong.

I guess I'll stick around for the replies to this, but perhaps that's about it,
Sorin
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gmik

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This may disappoint
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2006, 10:10:07 PM »

Sorin.  Maybe you are just in a dry place right now.  Just over on alchemists thread Yellowstone had to remind me of a few things.  Lately on this forum, there have been some strange threads I think.  It does get you to thinking and doubting and wondering blah blah blah....Gee we can get called a heretic for not believing every single thing that everyone else does.

When I feel my foundation getting shaky, I go and reread Ray or Mike's papers and get grounded again.

Prayer does most of the time feel like I am just having a conversation to myself.

AHHHHH, but what gets me out of the dumps is usually PRAISE.  Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness...Go on, Put it on, the Bible tells us to. then praise Him out loud for who He is, how wonderful He is, how faithful He is. how His word is True, How you Love Him, and on and on...Psalm 3  list all his many benefits....You don't have to feel like doing this but you do it anyway.  He is worthy of our praise.  If you don't want to do this then WANT TO want to!

Sorin, honey, do what you want with staying or going.  But DON'T leave the Lord!!  Even if you go for awhile, I will be always praying for you-and I mean it!! Your destiny is to be better than your past.  don't settle for less.
Love you in Him,   gena
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chrissiela

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This may disappoint.
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2006, 11:15:28 PM »

Sorin,

We all go through periods like that. I think I spent the first 30-some-odd years of my life feeling exactly like that. I would poor out my heart and my tears and felt like I was talking to the wall most of the time.

I finally just resigned myself to the fact that I was NOT going to have a personal relationship with Christ, nor might I ever be ‘convinced’ that he was even the Messiah. Or that God existed at all.

But He works it out. And perhaps when you least expect it, He will suddenly appear and you will wonder how you ever even doubted. Because when He does, He will remove ALL doubt.

So don’t lose the faith or the hope. Christ came to save “that which is lost?. And aren’t we all? Surely we are ALL lost until we are found.

And He doesn’t stop til every last one of us is accounted for.

So keep praying!! He hears you, even when you think that only the wall does.

Blessings,
Chrissie
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JJ

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This may disappoint.
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2006, 01:14:39 AM »

Sorin,
Too late, too tired, haven't thought this out, but just don't stop short with
hanging on.  Hang on a little longer.  For me, it seems that God brings a
breakthrough right after a major trouble/pain/doubt........ kinda like
childbirth-- gotta go through the labor and pain, pushing past the point
you think you can bear, hanging on cuz there is no other choice....... and
then the beautiful babe!  

I just can not believe that God brought you to B/T and showed you so much, all for nothing but to let you drift away, in doubt as to whether He
even exists.  Anything is possible, but I don't believe this is true of you.

Honestly, the last few weeks have been like this for me....... just weary of the struggle, but I find no way to stop hanging, hoping, enduring-- can't get off the ride.  I KNOW there is a God and I understand enough of
His plan and ways and see enough of my sin and foolishness, to see no other way but His way and whatever the loss or pain or length of the season of struggle....... I have to hang on and so do you, Sorin, you must.  

One thing that keeps me going when I feel I can't is thinking of my children and how I would let them down and how they would lose faith in
a God that I could not have faith in.   Sorin, if you fade away, it would hurt many here at B/T...... for now, think of that and don't be too selfish
with yourself...... stick around, cuz you have made a place in the heart of
so many of us here..... stick around so that we don't have the great heavy sadness of losing you yet, let us have time to pray and hope that
God will give you the breakthrough,  just hang for a while and let us pray for you and just hang longer, but don't quit God or us yet.  

Sorin, how else could we explain this world, this earth, creation, life.......
there is an Almighty God and I'd rather be for Him than against Him.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to give myself a pep talk!
much love,
Jayle
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Deedle

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2006, 01:31:36 AM »

Sorin my Bro,

I'm here for you if you ever need me.

Just remember, we all (especially us young lads) have much to learn by "reason of use".

Hebrews 5:14
But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

All in God's time bro. May He grant you peace in this time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Now throw on some DragonForce and crank it up!  :twisted:

Deedle   :D
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YellowStone

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Re: This may disappoint.
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2006, 01:42:50 AM »

Quote from: Sorin
I obviously don't "love my enemies" and whoever saw what I said(before modifying my posts) to "malachi12" after he said that he is
"superior" to me because he is an "Israelite" can attest. This forum is for those that are of "like mind" and I don't think I am anymore. So then perhaps I should just leave, or maybe I'll get banned but either way I don't feel like I belong.

I guess I'll stick around for the replies to this, but perhaps that's about it,
Sorin


Hey Sorin, I know exactly how you feel. Love your enemies right, while they dance around burned bodies. Okay, how do you do that? How can I say "I love you man" to such as these in the same manner as I would say it to you?

It wasn't until a week or two ago that I learned the answer. Actually it was from a thread that you started, so I guess you must take some credit. :)

On one hand we are told to abor evil yet love, love, love. How?

Of course I love our folks in the milliary and all that they do bringing peace and freedom to parts of world who do not know even know the concept of either. So what is the one thing that I can do to help 100,000's of God hater's? Pray for their eyes and hearts to be opened to the love of Our God. Do I hate these people or the things they do and say? It must be the latter, becasue if they did and said these thing not, would I hate them? I guess not.

So here is the distinction between loving everything and loving the person but abhoring their evil actions. Of course I hate the actions of the terrorists and if my prayer can help just bringing one of these find the truth then cool, but that is not the point. It's knowing I do not have to love their actions and that made all the difference.

Oh, I do not believe all here are of like mind. Thats not to say we all are not searching for something. So hang in there Sorin, if you ever need to talk or vent then please feel free to PM me.

Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

With Love, YellowStone
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prarrydog

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This may disappoint.
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2006, 01:49:54 AM »

Sorin,

  You know too much truth to leave.  Don't get so down on yourself.  If you can't pray right now then don't, if you can't love your enemies then don't, if you are not of like mind so be it.

Mat 11:30  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Get back to basics.  Even if you don't believe in God at least hope that there is a loving God who will make everything good in the end.  Everything starts with hope.  Look up the word hope on e-sword.  Faith, love ,patience, purity, perfection etc. all stem from hope.  So never mind keeping the faith right now........keep the hope :lol: .  We,ve all been there, that's why this is such a good support group.  

Rom 15:13  Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
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Indagator

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2006, 02:04:22 AM »

Sorin,

I completely understand your issue right now. I could go further with you about that in PM's...totally up to you...if you wish to talk or vent, I am here.

I would however like to point out one thing.  I want you to google "Malachai (Malachi) York".  The poster that is turning you off so much reminds me very much of "Malachai York".  I have a copy of "The Egyptian Book of the Dead" that is translated by "Malachai York".  

In fact, though I now live in Athens, GA I used to live in Milledgeville, GA and had enough interactions with his "followers".

I understand that you're having trials right now, but all that I ask is that you consider the source.  Are you trials directly from God, or from the adversary instead? I read the  posts.  They angered me.  I got to them late so I couldn't get in there and that's just God's will.  

I will break it down to this bro....don't just give up.  Convalesce, heal up, take care of you.  You have enemies all around you.  They will mix lies with the truth.  They will attack you emotionally.  They will appeal to your basest emotions all in order to lead you astray.  I know this....I was lead astray.  Even now I fight it.

I'm not perfect man.  I screw up constantly, but all I really have is Christ.  Eveyone else will always leave me to burn.  

Your true strength is not found in disdain, but rather the honest smile you give in return to that disdain.

Or better yet...

The true measure of power is not what you CAN do, but what you choose not to do because YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

God could destroy it all with a simple blink. Yet God chooses not to, and that is the true measure of power.


I am asking you, Sorin, though I know you're hurting and frustrating....don't blink.  You're better than that.   I know it, so many others here know that.  Don't let one blind, misled child lead you astray.  Stay the path.  

According to Christ, is it better to let that one sheep go astray?  What if you're speaking to a messenger?  Stay the path.  Drink the cup.  Be faithful.  Yes at times it sucks, but honestly...what is better here where we are in this flesh?  

Sorin, I know you don't know me, and I know you're frustrated...I was angered to by that person's posts, but you have to let that anger go. Anger, desperation, and emptiness will serve you nothing now. It may have once before, but not now.  It may have lead you to Christ, but maybe you should be trying to ask Christ questions now.

I'm sorry for carrying on, but I could tell in that thread that you were being rubbed "off".  

Mat 24:4  And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
Mat 24:5  For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
Mat 24:6  And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass
, but the end is not yet.
Mat 24:7  For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
Mat 24:8  All these are the beginning of sorrows.


These things MUST COME TO PASS.  The wars are not outside of you, they are within.  

Mat 24:9  Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
Mat 24:10  And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
Mat 24:11  And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
Mat 24:12  And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
Mat 24:13  But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.


Keep enduring, Sorin, even if you must leave  :( .  No matter what though, always keep Christ with you if it be the Father's will and remember that you have a home should you need to search out further...I outta know...been there, done that  :)
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eutychus

  • Guest
Re: This may disappoint.
« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2006, 08:48:48 AM »

Quote from: Sorin
Well I don't feel like pretending to be one that would be considered a "Follower of Christ" so I need to confess something. When I first came to the BT board I was a believer, and I wanted to learn more and more about
this newly found belief that all will (eventually) be saved and about the thing of the Spirit and all that. But I have stumbled somewhere along the way and now I'm not even sure I believe in God anymore. I can't even pray anymore because I just feel like I'm talking to myself. I obviously don't "love my enemies" and whoever saw what I said(before modifying my posts) to "malachi12" after he said that he is
"superior" to me because he is an "Israelite" can attest. This forum is for those that are of "like mind" and I don't think I am anymore. So then perhaps I should just leave, or maybe I'll get banned but either way I don't feel like I belong.

I guess I'll stick around for the replies to this, but perhaps that's about it,
Sorin






sorin,
i was going to start a thread on this,

Mat 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.



do not let your love wax cold. may God grant you peace.


love
chuckt
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zander

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This may disappoint.
« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2006, 10:01:29 AM »

You know what Sorin


Youre not alone.

I have grievances with God too.  Right now. I am ging through a period of it.  God took my girlfriend away from me man.  Thats a sh** thing to do and i'm not mincing my words with him.  I have thought about having sex with numerous women and whilst i dont think i will carry it out, it pains me to have to be in such a crap state.  What agenda does God have with me, man that guy is so childish?

But all im doing is this  ](*,)
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eutychus

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2006, 10:05:03 AM »

Quote from: zander
You know what Sorin


Youre not alone.

I have grievances with God too.  Right now. I am ging through a period of it.  God took my girlfriend away from me man.  Thats a sh** thing to do and i'm not mincing my words with him.  I have thought about having sex with numerous women and whilst i dont think i will carry it out, it pains me to have to be in such a crap state.  What agenda does God have with me, man that guy is so childish?

But all im doing is this  ](*,)






Zander,

i dont wanna sound insensitve but maybe you where not the right one for her??


 take care, shakes fist at God.

 find peace
 chuckt






Faithful
Plaque on the wall says that no one's slept here
It's rare to come upon a bridge that has not been around
Or been stepped on
Whatever the notion we laced in our prayers
The man upstairs is used to all of this noise
I'm through with screaming and


And echoes nobody hears, it goes, it goes, it goes
Like echoes nobody hears, it goes, it goes, it goes, like ooh
We're faithful, we all believe, we all believe it
We're faithful, oh, we all believe, we all believe it
We're faithful, we all believe, we all believe it
We're faithful, we all believe, we all believe it


It echoes nobody hears, it goes, it goes, it goes
Like echoes nobody hears, it goes, it goes, it goes
We're faithful, we all believe, we all believe it
We're faithful, oh, we all believe, we all believe it
We're faithful, we all believe, we all believe it
We're faithful, we all believe, we all believe it


M-Y-T-H: it's
Belief in the game controls that keeps us in a box of fear
We never listen
Voice inside so drowned out
Drowned you are, you are, you are a furry thing
And everything is you
Me you, you me, it's all related
What's a boy to do?
Just be darling and I will be too
Faithful to you
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mercie

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2006, 10:06:24 AM »

or consider She may not be the right one for you.
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zander

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2006, 10:11:55 AM »

This is Sorins thread so i dont wish to take from him, but its not just that shes gone.  


Carnal ZAnder: Im angry with the fact i even met her.  Why botherletting me meet her if its all going to go wrong?

Just for once let it work out Mr Agenda of a God.

Spiritual Zander: Learn from it, all is of God.

 :-({|=  :cry:  :cry:  :cry:
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SandyFla

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2006, 04:19:44 PM »

Sorin, I know what it's like to question whether God exists. Sometimes I look at all these other religions and wonder if I'm completely wrong ... after all, I've been wrong before by believing what the churches teach. Don't give up, and like others said, don't let one person turn you away.

2 Timothy 2:3 - "If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself."

Phil 1:6 - "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."

I like to take these verses together. They assure me that even when I have no faith, He will remain faithful and complete the work he started in me -- and you!

Sandy
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Falconn003

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This may disappoint.
« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2006, 11:43:34 PM »

Soin

So in closing the only upgrade we need here is an iggy button.

As you can see ignore is a strong counter to vainity, simply do not feed the animal/s..... :D   :D

God bless
Rodger
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Sorin

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #15 on: June 21, 2006, 02:31:09 AM »

Everybody,

Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words. I know I am a little late to reply but I just didn't know what to say (for once). I've read all the replies I got here and all the PMs too. I was pleasently surprised by everybodies'
warmth and acceptance despite my doubt and all that. I do feel welcomed here still and thus there is really no point in me leaving completely even if I do take a break from the board, or if I don't post anything for a while. Especially something regarding Scripture and God. I think it's best I take some time to contamplate such things before discussing it like I know what I'm talking about. I'm just uncertain about alot of things at the moment and
that's mainly why I took so long to reply.

Take care,
Sorin
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prarrydog

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This may disappoint.
« Reply #16 on: June 21, 2006, 09:08:33 PM »

Sorin,

  We are all uncertain.  Anyone who says differently is a liar.  If there is no doubt then there is no need for faith.  That is what faith is...trusting even though we are uncertain.
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Indagator

  • Guest
This may disappoint.
« Reply #17 on: June 22, 2006, 12:15:03 AM »

Sorin,

I understand your feelings of "iffyness" completely.  Many times I want to post and don't because I often don't get much in response so I wonder if maybe somehow I'm just "untouchable" or if I'm offending someone.  At times I feel as though I'm walking on eggshells, even if I am walking on the path that was given to me.

The times I do post are usually becuase I'm given a glimpse of something, and I'm hoping someone else will have more insight into what I might be "seeing".  Other than that, I am still in Tarsis so I am not so prolific of a poster.  

Keeping this in mind, I completely agree with prarrydog.  Doubt and uncertainty is a natural state of humanity.  We are all in the flesh and fit for destruction right?  To me, it's like someone claiming that they "Know for sure" that they are chosen.  I just don't see it that way.  How can you know until you either find yourself IN the Lake of Fire, or YOU ARE a part of the Lake of Fire...cleansing your family.  That's why it's not enough to be just called, or chosen.  It's only good enough if you're also FAITHFUL until the end.

Take comfort in the knowledge that whatever  choice you make, it is the will of the Father.  If you need a break from BT, or Ray, or Mike, or just everthing...then do what must be done.  Just remember that the Good Shepherd is waiting and always looking for you, to bring you home.  There's no need to fear afterall.

Do what you must.  You are in my thoughts and prayers   :)
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